Do you have any physical reactions you can't get a hang on?

[SeekingAfrica]

I have several. I think it changes over time. One of the things is shaky hands when stressed, that I think is common. Sometimes when I'm so stressed that I can't accept whatever is happening, it's like a shock in my brain, almost like I'll pass out, like the world is tilting for a second, and brighter and louder, except in reality I'm not moving.
There is also some weird reverse effect. Usually, when stressed I can't sleep or stop myself from thinking.
But in the last year, after getting over the months of wanting to not wake up- I not actually sometimes get stressed so bad I literally start feeling detached. Like feeling my way forward through cotton. Even if there are important things they feel away, and I know I should do X but I can't because if I actually feel it, I'll feel like throwing up, so I just dissociate instead and go through the day like I'm sleep-walking... It's like I just shut down. And I know I'm making everything zillion times worse and I can't stop myself, even though I'm vaguely aware I'm doing it.

Also... a lot happened last year and on some level it feels like I was someone- and that was somehow a line that got cut and I am now someone else. Literally. Like whoever I was didn't make it and I am now someone else. And it's stupid because nothing happened like the year when I got PTSD, it was not like that. But it does feel like that in the sense of, my life was certain way, I was a certain person with likes and dislikes and identity and then now I am someone else. With the memories of who I was but nothing else. I don't even know how to explain that. Like my body got maxxed out of feeling so helpless and bad and now I just can't feel. Things are in a manner that would have made me cry all day every day before, but now I just don't, like everything is behind glass.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Yes, but not recently. I would get so confused and disoriented that I could not talk.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Yes, but not recently. I would get so confused and disoriented that I could not talk.

Oooh! That is one that happened to me a few times. Or something similar, anyway. I have been between 2 countries for a decade and a half. In a few super distressed moments, I would be somewhere outside, and I would look around and either get confused about which of the 2 countries I am in or get confused about which neighbourhood and street I am on. As in completely unable to tell how to get myself home even though I know I've been there before and know the area. Like for a moment I'd get completely disoriented and need a few minutes to shake it off. Not great.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

My abuse started when I was preverbal so I think I am going back to that state. I can’’t form thoughts that can be verbalized but I am completely aware. My thinking isn’t structured by language at those times which makes sense.

 

[arfie]

I have several. I think it changes over time.

of course fact is stranger than fiction. fiction is obliged to make sense. ~mark twain

i quite solidly believe my physical symptoms change with my progress, phases and stages. they are even more psychotically creative than i am. just when i think i have one of the symptoms under control, a new one bubbles out of my psycho cauldron. boil and bubble, double the trouble.

And I know I'm making everything zillion times worse and I can't stop myself, even though I'm vaguely aware I'm doing it.

i used to judge myself thusly. with radical acceptance and mindfulness i have learned to observe my thoughts without judgement. the practice has convinced me that many of my symptoms are coping tools awaiting mastery. for example, i drove people crazy when i was only vaguely aware of my various forms of figiting. with training, those physical reactions have formed into tactile grounding techniques subtle enough that i can perform during a business meeting without the associate's awareness.

'tis nothing in life either good nor bad. 'tis the thinking that makes it so. ~wm shakespeare