When you are too dissociated to be able to do anything worthwhile. Not even watch a movie, read a book, enjoy anything at all. But fight non stop all day to force yourself to not end up zoned out in a corner, or banging your head against something just to feel anything(real).
When you think for a second you want to call a friend, but have forgotten it the next, go into the kitchen to try to do something but can't remember what it was and then walk back out and find your self struggling to stop staring into nothing and start at least writing something here so that you at least connect in SOME way to something.
But then when you've done so you have a big battle inside to not erase everything you've written out of shame and a wish to isolate(since it feels too unsafe to share anything with anyone). :meh: - Then you decide to erase, but forget that's what you are doing so you remember it half an hour later being in the kitchen again(still not remembering what it is you want to do in the kitchen).
(= A bad day in this PTSD-broken-brain-shit..)
