Young/child Parts And Grown-up Responsibilities?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

To all of those who experience dissociative states with child parts/alters etc, (however you feel comfortable describing it), what do you do with grown up tasks. This could be something like driving, or general employment or even being out and about in public? Do you have any safeguards in place for if something like this happens or doesn't it? In fact how do you manage just about anything if the wrong part is forward for the task at hand?

 

[Jenelle34]

Hey there. I struggle with this immensely, I'm a parent, responsible for a four year old so it does become a problem when I'm supposed to be a grown up but I'm really just a babe. ( I'm 34.). I am going back to work as a cleaner instead of a banker in a high pressure environment, just two days as recommended by my doctor. I'm starting to commit to meditating for 30 minutes a day again and also considering a dog as a companion and anchor because I love animals and they seem to trust me straight away. I hope this helps I wish you all the best in finding what works for you. The people on this site have been very kind so far x

 

[KwanYingirl]

I carry a dayminder which is a schedule for each day. I make notes all the time. But I still forget often. Making lists of chores to do and I cross off each one as I finish.
By far the anxiety I have towards things is my child part. She ain't going to cooperate she's certain her abuse will continue. Everyone in my life knows I lose time and focus. They call to remind me of plans I've made-many times it didn't make it into my dayminder.

 

[Powder]

I'd take this important question to therapy to someone who is adept at helping people with this specific issue.

Driving: While this hasn't been a repeat issue so much as somatic (headaches/severe dizzy to the point of almost fainting) stuff, I find that turning on cold A/C or opening window if winter is a way to turn off dissociation. Even if you are shivering, it will break the dissociative "spell."

Once while driving during a heavy flashback time, I had a positive flashback/switch to a child as I was driving home. While during negative, horror flashbacks, I saw in black and white once, during this positive child time flashback, the trees looked so beautiful and green, the sky so deep blue and wonderful, and the sun on the houses and everything appeared so glorious. It was so beautiful and blissful, like endorphin releasing wonderful, that I couldn't make myself turn away and just focus on the driving. I had to fight hard to stop noticing the beauty and just focus on driving. Later, I was taught about using cold water or cold air, which helps a lot while driving.

Working: I find talking to some trusted coworker or even texting my spouse, will help turn on my "adult-relating" self again and help me not lose time. Again, drinking a cold water or healthy drink will help. Sitting too long is bad for me. Taking 'get up and move' breaks helps me. Again, I can walk to the next office and begin a brief meeting with a co-worker on a project.

Public: When I am triggered to a child state out shopping, it's really hard for me to find a coping skill like the above. I rely on having a routine to find things that work. When triggered, I just send my spouse to do the shopping. Honestly, I'd probably buy everything online often without him. :)

I am still working on this, too. I hope you find some good methods for you. Hugs, Muse

 

[Leigh925]

I don't have trouble at work I can stay in grown up mode there. In fact sometimes on the weekends or holidays if I get stuck in little parts I go to my office until I feel a shift.

Driving to and from therapy is an issue. I put the address in GPS. Many times I have passed the exit or gotten lost on the way to or from therapy so GPS is critical. I also open my window regardless of how cold it is. Play music. Sometimes I will sit in the parking lot until I am ready. I will call my husband or a friend and chat about nothing for a minute.

I also spend the last 15 minutes of sessions preparing myself to leave.

I have found that if I allow my parts to get plenty of attention at home or at my therapist's office the less they show up at inappropriate times.

 

[cindymolly]

if I allow my parts to get plenty of attention at home or at my therapist's office the less they show up at inappropriate times.

I find this too. It's when I'm ignoring child parts that they start showing up and taking over whenever they want to. When I manage to schedule time for doing child things with them then things calm down in daily life. I find that the hard thing is managing to spend that time when everyone's fighting for what the right activity to do is, and lots of the activities aren't that healthy.
If the wrong part is forward for the task at hand there's not much I can do at the moment.

 

[Polly_pocket]

I'm not sure I'm talking about the same thing you're talking about but my child state is like a flashback. She thinks she is still stuck in the bad place and so is very scared. I am much better at managing her. I used to be taken over completely whereas now I can hear her chatting away in my head or I can behave in childlike ways when under stress but can pull it back and be an adult again. Big improvement!

When she used to come out in force there was nothing I could do about it. Because she was so frightened we behaved in strange ways and there was nothing for it but to sleep or self soothe. Now I can ignore the chatter, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. But if something happens that triggers the same feelings as then I cannot function.

As a result I have never worked or had a relationship or studied. I'm still pretty young though and haven't had therapy very long. I am hopeful sometimes, other days I panic.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Thanks everyone for the replies. The most obvious times this has happened for me was on a driving lesson a few years ago and a young child part was up front having fun - much to my very distant and more importantly the driving instructors complete and utter horror. He couldn't understand my sudden shift in behavior/abitily and I also had a more adult (but not knowing how to drive) part come forward a few times as well. I decided that it simply was not safe to have me on the road (at least behind a wheel), as did the instructor. I am concerned with any job that this will be an issue and have experienced things in jobs before as well although not quite as extreme - and luckily, mostly at a primary school - this wasn't noticed by staff and the kids thought I was awesome but it concerns "me". I'm just concerned at how to address this or are these things simply something I have to accept that I cannot do?

I'm barely aware and have only just brought the "parts" officially (no hedging around with vague uncertainty) with my T, which is why I asked here now - because it's at the forefront of my mind. I frequently fall into states of denial about this all.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I've been told that if I can move my child part from my unconscious mind (and therefore unaware of switching behavior) into my conscious mind, that is where integration and solidarity happen. We're so damn good at keeping her under wraps and I'm not interested in describing my switch to anyone. I went to the weekend clinic last week due to an infection on my elbow that just won't heal. I sat at the farthest seat from the contagious people. So in comes a Mom with the brattiest snot nosed kid who was hacking his lung out while simultaneously screaming about food. I got up and moved to the other side of the room but not before I blurted out a very acerbic rant about infection control.
At least I have finally stopped denying her presence in my body and mind. Time to get moving on that.