Relationship Your Relationship Hurt Caused By Ptsd ( Supporters/carers)

[shimmerz]

It was just a suggestion.

So sorry @digger I was not at all trying to put aside your suggestion. I absolutely did not mean to offend.

 

[Trying best]

@shimmerz
@digger

I found out that there is a mediation center that offers free service so I will look more into that. Should I be telling my husband that this viciousness is not me but my attorney?? I know it is hard to be on the same side as we are two parties fighting divorce but amicability in this time would keep potential communication open.

@shimmerz you can pm me and tell me what details you need. I just cleared my inbox so I should receive messages now.

Yesterday, I did a lot of thinking, a lot. There were some accusations that he always kept repeating, which I have no excuse for. I did make a mistake. But I also attend this maum meditation class which teaches you to find answers that are hidden in your subconscious. It really helps. But yes, I had this light bulb moment and I realized the accusations that he had been making on a certain thing I had done few years ago was done for his own good so I could get him to come to his senses back then. He just talks over people and like I have mentioned over and over again, he has this power to make you believe what he is sayig. Now, I have this big urge to clarify these accusations. Should I wait or let it out?? Or is this my NEED to explain things for my own satisfaction.

 

[shimmerz]

This is where counseling will help you a ton @Trying best. This is something I believe that goes beyond the scope of the board. Maybe someone can help but I feel that I don't want to make judgements with something that can affect your life so when I am not a trained professional - or even a party who knows both of you. Do you have any friends that you can ask their opinions?

 

[Trying best]

@shimmerz my family is the only who knows whats going on. Friends dont undersrand ptsd and are mote gossipy versus really understanding. I dont want to deal with gossip or go through all this in front of public. I put a fake front for now. But i cry and cry . I am staying at my moms but he was nice enough to give me the dog for few days. I have to take the dog back though as i have no roon for it. For now, i am calm because i have my dog. Yea therapy is important, he was willing to pay for it as for the last time i saw him but that may or may not change when he finds out i have an attorney now. Probably ,he will blow up and threaten to come two fold stronger.

 

[shimmerz]

I understand your bind - very well. I am so sorry that you can keep your dogs. It sounds like they are very grounding for you and that would be helpful. I am thinking counseling at perhaps a women's outreach centre. They are usually free. I am not certain if there are those services in your area. It is very difficult when one is so dependent or put into a dependent position. The more you can extricate yourself from a position of reliance on him the better off you are. He should understand that if you don't have money that your lawyer is not under your control and that would make it worse for him. It sounds like this is a known issue within the system that is in place where you live so this should be no surprise to him. Therefore it would be in his best interest for you to have money to get a lawyer that you are allowed to direct. You are allowed to stand up for yourself regardless of whether you made mistakes in the marriage or not. Is there a women's outreach program in your area?

 

[Trying best]

@ shimmerz He is going to give me the dogs but I just dont have room for them at my moms right now . Yea, I'll look the counselling centers if he refuses to Pay. Our relationship was all about me being very dependent as he took care or should I say control of everything. He doesn't listen therefore he doesn't do therapy. He is a talker, but I'm equally at fault as, I have said before about me not being supportive in the relationship. I will explain to him that I have no control over the attorey style and honestly if he pursues divorce he has to deal with the stress that is just something that comes with that.

Honestly, @shimmerz , I am so tired of thinking that " oh this is going to piss him off" or "that is going to piss him off" . And I am scared to do anything that will make him mad which means that I'm giving him all my POWER and there is no balance regardless of what mistakes I have made. I am gonna once and for all tell him that I made mistakes , I'm working on it and if he wants me , I'll be here but manipulating to default divorce is not acceptable! If he wants a divorce then that's what it is going to be. But you really can't try reconciling and divorce at the same time.

So @ shimmerz when I mentioned giving my POwER away, is that being egostic because if I am please tell me as I will change my stance. I feel that there is/should not be no room for lie or ego when it comes to saving a marriage.

He tells me that if we keep talking things might change but he has yet to text me or call me about anything else other than the case or yet to plan something . So what " talking " is he talking about! I thought I could show him my changes when we talk OR is there another way to show that I am learning about PTSD?? I'm fuming with confusion.

 

[shimmerz]

giving my POwER away

No, it is not being egotistical @Trying best. It is taking care of yourself and you need to do that right now. I get when you say you are tired of not wanting to tick him off. I can only speak for myself in saying that while going through my divorce I 'wasn't right' about anything, so I finally came to, if I couldn't help him be happy with the results I might as well look out for myself because nobody else would. That meant taking back my power. That was very important.

His actions speak louder than words. Watch them very carefully k? The women's centre will help you see things without a filter of what you have learned to dish out and what you have learned to accept.

 

[Trying best]

@shimmerz I will get on the phone with him either today or tomorrow? I'm having anxiety though. I think once said and done , it is either this side or the other side. You can't play both fences, and me trying to make him happy during the divorce is causing me unhappiness. Because in the big picture, if I don't contest the divorce that's where his happiness is.

But that's giving up my right! So right is right and wrong is wrong. I will tell him exactly that. Honestly, deep down, part of my unhappiness comes from the fact that I'm dangling myself in that little hope that he had mentioned saying that "if we continue to meet, we will see". That is the only thing that is giving me hope. And nobody knows what the future is. He has directly told me for now he wants to go forward with the divorce. So I have to tell him how I feel too, I guess I had been suppressing it for all these days try to make him happy as I think I really was the one who caused the breaking of the marriage.

 

[shimmerz]

Can't get to your PM @Trying best

 

[Trying best]

@shimmerz how do I delete msgs in my inbox. I thought I did it

 

[amethist]

@Trying best Just click leave conversation on the PC's you want to delete. You will find that top right of you message.

 

[Trying best]

@amethist I am unable to delete mags. I followed your instruction, but it gives me error message when I do try to select and select " leave conversation "