Your story?

[WishfulThinking123]

At T it was suggested that I consider writing my story to deal with the trauma that I thought I had dealt with but, PTSD symptoms are starting to come back again, with intrusive thoughts, depression, etc.. I have journalled before and detailed various traumatic events (my PTSD is complex as there are multiple traumas- sexual in nature). I was just wondering what exactly is meant by writing my story. Have any of you done this? How? Do you just detail each event or kind of tie them all together- where do you start? As a child, adult? Has there been healing that has come from this for you? How did you pace ot so you wouldn't get overwhelmed by emotion? Thanks!

 

[littleoc]

Hello :)

Maybe something like a trauma diary would help you?

I used these guidelines. Link Removed

I did not make a list, personally, but just started talking about traumas. Just the first one that came to mind, as if I were inteoducing myself to someone who cared way too much :P

Good luck :)

 

[MrMoonlight]

I created a timeline of my life from birth to current day listing anything I thought had a serious impact on my life. Then I wrote in some detail about my big traumas. Truly it was awful and I had to do it in segments. I really didn't have a clear running script of my life, so it really was worth the effort and emotion.

 

[CdnCopper]

I wouldn't know where to start.

I'm very OCD....I think the training I rec'd over my 35 yrs accounts for this. It seems like every day something else pops into my mind that took place before something else I was remembering, or I will remember something more recent then something historical pops in for a visit.. I'd have to rewrite my journal or timeline every day.

I've managed to bury a lot of crap.

 

[FauxLiz]

I had to do a similar type assignment while I was inpatient. The method that worked best for me was breaking down my life in 5 year increments. What major memories I have in each period I tried to balance some good with the bad and it was a very difficult and draining assignment.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Have any of you done this? How? Do you just detail each event or kind of tie them all together- where do you start? As a child, adult?

Yes. It started as a vauge intro, then a few threads, then a big chunk of it as the beginning of my diary (oh, but I still hadn't advised of it all yet), the remainder came out by the way of a few more threads. I think I have most of it on this site. But, it happened that way at my therapist...pieces at a time but just much smaller pieces in a much larger timeframe. Took 2 yrs total for my entire trauma to come out to my therapist and then he had me give it to him in order in which they happened to organize it. A cult which really equates to a lot of information to give. Not that it was worse then anything else. Just a lot of info.

Anyway, I am someone that basiclly went to end of the earth to ensure it remained a secert for absolutely as long as godly possible. I was terrified of those people and even whispered it in therapy. Much of it written because I was that terrified to say it outloud. Terrified they would some how hear. So, I get not being able to write it or talk about it. I started from the beginning. If you read the first post of my diary I actually wrote in topics. It was easier that way to convay the information as a lot of it wouldn't make sense otherwise. You deliver it anyway it makes sense to you. In pieces, in the beginning, a little at a time. Whatever way you can and that makes sense for you. Many never aevise of their trauma and though that's ok, I think it does us good to write it out and have people replying back to us that really truely get what we are saying because they've been there. Maybe not the exact trauma but parts of it. And others have been through other parts. And that feedback that I get from a two way conversation is invauleable to me. I really love the natural flow of discussion the best personally. It can really dig out some deep seated things and it helps me to see how people interact with each other. Not much of that in a cult.

Anyway, hope that helps!

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Thanks for all of your replies! I guess my biggest question/concern is that I have close to 3 journals filled to the brim of trauma..however, I probablly havent journalled about my trauma in a long time...its usually day to day stuff now. But, I just finished weaning off of an anti depressant that was making me able to numb out so much easier and these memories are flooding me...I just havent been in a good place and plagued by my past again and symptoms are returning. My T wants me to "write my story" and then we'll burn it together? However, to tell you the truth I'm terrified...the last time I was writing about my trauma and everything...it was horrible...actually developed PTSD, it was great to share those memories with my T but, still at times didn't think I was going to survive the exposure. Now, she wants me to write my story and I'm just curious if this includes the good in it too or just my trauma- I want to know exactly where I'm headed and that I pace myself, have supports/stratagies in place because...well I am seriously terrified. Writing about it is no joke...I trust my T but, I'm so scared. What do I do in between sessions when I will feel like dying after writing? (Not literally SI -but, not being able to manage/cope)

 

[littleoc]

Thanks for all of your replies! I guess my biggest question/concern is that I have close to...

Grounding exercises can help. One of my favorites is to inhale in five slow seconds (watch a clock to keep you from rushing), pause for two seconds, exhale for seven seconds. I do that until I feel calmer.

There are other ones -- maybe before you write an entire story down, it might help to talk with your T about how to handle the stress you'll experience?

As for the good memories, I'd say that would depend on what feels right to you. I've got a trauma diary on this site currently that I do put good memories in, especially if they were confusing to me. For example, I frequently remember times my ex seemed to really love me, and I believe she genuinely did. But since that confuses my healing and may not be helpful anymore, I would be willing to burn those. Any time my dad called me pretty or defended me from sibling bullying? Burn it! Not something I can reconcile just yet.

It depends on you, of course. I wish I could answer all your questions, but I've been writing my story out in pieces and -- like @CdnCopper was saying -- I keep going back and jumping around, and to be honest that's been difficult enough. If I was assigned writing out the whole thing, I think I'd be just as nervous about it as you are.

So, I'm still wishing you all the luck! :)

 

[Freida]

Not sure if this helps but I found that writing stuff down got it out of my head. I treated it like a purge -- typing without thinking. When I go back not a lot of it makes sense but it gave an overview of my trauma with some parts more detailed than others. I was learning my story as I went - which was rough.

I get the burning thing -- I've heard that can be amazingly effective. Rather than start a new diary can you burn the old ones? Then the ptsd that came from writing it down might be burned up too and you can take another run at it from a cleaner space?

 

[blackemerald1]

The problem I have with the writing down bit is - my head goes faster than my hands and very much agree with @CdnCopper - training & a load of critical analysis and getting it perfect, finding the right words..ugh I am flooded already:yuck:

So it doesn't suit me. I did think about recording it and then transcribing it into a a more orderly thing. But that might be missing the whole point of it idk. It's a big thing...

Edited: I am thinking about painting some emotional things to get them out too. But have to work on that idea.

 

[Freida]

hmmm...painting. you may be on to something there -- drawing/painting your story instead of writing.....

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah! Oh btw I have a whole house that needs painting if you feel up to it. Lol...

I find drawing & painting more 'in there'. I have to control my hands and be much more deliberate and colour speaks to me more loudly then words do (at times).

It's a translation, colour thing. Even if I just use a grey lead pencil... that I have used in the past and Idk why it does anything better it just does. I'm sure there is some psych. reason that has been known for a long time but it does help me.

When I was dealing with a lot of stress - work related - years ago. I did some painting and it worked so well. Who knew?:tup: