Youth Group Leader: Flashbacks

[LilBit]

Also, I do not know what denomination or type of church you attend, I am just assuming Christian. And probably Protestant because of the terminology used. But in some subtypes of Christian churches, therapy and psychology/psychiatry are met with disdain or even sometimes outright disapproval. Perhaps that also is a problem, depending on the beliefs of your type church and the youth leader's own background, that may account for some or all of her reaction.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Her invalidating, ignorant responses are way out of line and inappropriate. She is not a professional and has NO business playing "counselor."

If I were in this situation, I'd say "While I greatly value your opinion most of the time, it's clear to me that you have very little knowledge about PTSD for you to respond to my symptoms with morality judgments. You are not a trained medical professional so please stop remarking on my medical issues because your comments are hurtful and unhelpful."

Beware invalidating people. They usually grow up being judged like that and have no idea how wrong it is. But we are under no obligation to allow them to invalidate us as people.

 

[BloomInWinter]

She said I was attention seeking. While having a flashback

"Attention-seeking" is a diagnostic label which a lay person in a position of trust over a minor has no business laying on you. That is practicing psychotherapy without a license.

 

[Healing Reins]

I guess I kind of feel embarrassed too, like I didn't mean to have a flashback it just kind of happened, and I feel almost ashamed that I had one in front of her. I feel somewhat guilty for having a flashback in front of her if that makes any sense at all?

 

[Healing Reins]

And today when I had a flashback I felt embarrassed for having one because I felt like I shouldn't have had one..if that makes any sense at all?

 

[Healing Reins]

- the thing I don't understand is why she immediately decided you were being manipulative and fake, when you clearly were being neither. If I don't understand something, I try to find out what I don't know, or I reserve judgment. She immediately suspects the worst. Regardless of whether that is a Christian thing to do, it is not a very humane course of action.

Probably because it felt like I couldn't breathe and It felt like it was happening again. She probably thought I was being 'attention seeking' because I kept looking at her to ground myself to tell myself It wasn't happening again that I was safe..if that makes any sense at all?

She hasn't texted me at all since the retreat so I think I'll wait till she texts me back and go from there.

 

[BloomInWinter]

That makes perfect sense in the frame of trauma, which diminishes our self-worth. But though you may feel ashamed, it doesn't mean you have acted shamefully.

Be gentle and compassionate to yourself.

 

[Healing Reins]

I know, I just feel like my body should know better and I shouldn't have flashbacks. I know this is all super random, but I guess that's how I feel. Like...is it bad to have flashbacks? She made it sound like it was so bad to have a flashback.. part of me feels like she doesn't even believe me that I was raped