Sexual Assault I'm Unsure Whether Or Not I Was Raped

[megara23]

In January 2016, I went out one night with a few of my family members and my mums work colleagues. This was the first time I was introduced to the majority of my mums colleagues. Obviously we all had a couple of drinks and quite early on the night became a blur. I was approached by one of my family members who was with a guy, who I then ended up kissing and getting in very well with that night. I should make it clear that at this period of time I am very very vulnerable, as my and my ex boyfriend have been on and off for the past two years, I am still in the same state now. My mum and family were aware what happened THIS night, as it was only a kiss. Fortunately, nothing more lead on from the kiss. For a few weeks, he pestered me, and continued to even when I didn't reply, eventually he gave up and we didn't speak for months.
It is now July 2016 and a few weeks ago my family and I went out again to watch one of the Euro's 2016 football games. Once again this night I had one too many drinks and the male I met in January was in the same pub we were. He left his friends to stay with us and my mum invited him home with a few others for drinks (I still live with my mum). At home, everyone left after a while except for this guy who would not leave me alone. By this point my mum had fallen asleep in my bed so I had to stay on the sofa downstairs (her partner was in her bed). The guy was reluctant to leave and invited himself to stay on the opposite sofa to me. I was trying to go to sleep and he then got up and got under the covers on the sofa with me. I never asked him to move over and was trying to keep my shorts and pants on however, he was very forceful at this point and continuously kept pulling them down. Because I was drunk I did kiss him which may of lead him to believe that I wanted to have sex but I knew I didn't because of the situation with my ex. I just lay quietly without looking at him or what was happening. I didn't feel as though I could scream for help because my 13 year old brother was asleep and that would be extremely distressing for him. By the time he'd stopped I was crying and then quickly pushed him off and ran to the toilet. My mums partner then came down after hearing me crying, she then took me upstairs and I slept in her bed with her. I didn't tell her what happened because I didn't think it was very serious, I just thought i'd done something stupid, but now after thinking about it day and night ever since it happened I think he took advantage of me and maybe did force me. I just need an objective opinion, and some advise. Please take into account that I was drunk and vulnerable too! It might also be important to explain that I am only 17 and he is 23. I want to know what happened to me, because it is eating me alive.
Please help, and thank you!!

 

[Suzetig]

It sounds like you know what happened in terms of having sex with someone you didn't want to have sex with. I get the sense that you're looking to name it in some way - possibly to give your feelings some framework or validity?

I wonder how he would know that you didn't want to have sex with him? You've not said that you said no and while kissing him doesn't mean you wanted to have sex, and isn't explicit consent, I think most guys in those circumstances would think they had a willing partner unless she said no in some way.

In saying all of that, you're entitled to your feelings about what happened regardless of whether he thought you wanted it or not. I wonder if it would be worth talking to someone (counsellor/therapist) about how this experience has left you feeling and perhaps think of strategies to help you keep yourself safe if you're out drinking - at 17 you're young and fairly vulnerable before you add alcohol to the mix.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I don't think it's a good idea to ask this question here I see it a lot and everyone has different opinions. I think the best thing to do would be to go to a rape crisis center. They will know how to support you. A quick google will tell you where your nearest one is.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it would be a good idea to get a supportive therapist and to cease putting yourself into vulnerable positions------ie not drink, not bring guys back to your house. It's a lot easier to avoid these types of situations by avoiding things which make them likely to happen.