Packing Up And Starting Over

[Abeso]

In a nutshell, I feel like there is nothing left for me in my hometown and if I don't get away soon I will hurt myself, my symptoms keep getting worse despite therapy. I have a child who means everything to me but I am not the better parent due to this PTSD. I am barely functioning lately. I desperately want him to grow up and be happy and healthy with a good family and childhood experience, unlike mine. I am seriously contemplating packing up and moving away from him to a place close by (where I can visit) and having him stay with his other parent who can provide him everything he needs until I get better. I don't want to hurt him by leaving, or have him think I don't love him, quite the opposite! I am just so desperate and confused and have no support of my own. I wonder if there is anyone who has faced this before?

 

[Hasotu]

I have no experience, but I would like to say. Welcome to the forum, we are all here to support you anyway we can. I can hear your pain and feel for you, the choices your trying to make. I glad you found us. Sending hugs if you except.

 

[Kato]

I really feel for your situation. Especially because I don't believe I would have been a good parent because of this PTSD. (I never had kids because I was afraid of turning into my mother.) What does your therapist say?

 

[Eluv]

Yes, Ive felt that before , it was overwhelming.
In my case, looking back it would have been the right thing to do, if I trusted the other parent . I didnt have anyone to take him that I could trust to take care of him well or who wouldnt use it against me later.
If you do have an okay person for him, then he'll understand later why you did it and that its a loving thing to do, not selfish.
Im sorry youre going through that, it so hard, but if youre not okay then you have to take care of yourself.

 

[Abeso]

I really feel for your situation. Especially because I don't believe I would have been a good parent because of this PTS...

I didn't discuss it that much with my therapist, she just asked where I would move and I told her I didn't know. I don't know if she thought I was serious, although she did comment that I seemed like I was in a bad place?

 

[Abeso]

If you do have an okay person for him, then he'll understand later why you did it and that its a loving thing to do, not selfish.
Im sorry youre going through that, it so hard

Thank you so much..I hope he can understand. The other parent using it against me later, calling me selfish or weak or a bad parent, is something I would have to consider...

 

[Ifu]

I moved far away. The weather was a real big factor. Minus 25% and winter right smack into summer left me drained. Married to psycho, living in psycho weather, l am out of there. You need some things you can count on. I guess add up the pluses for you to leave, that will solidified the decision to move. The new move was hard but in the end, it was the best choice. I left an extremely long abusive relationship and was emotionally weak and battered. But l did it!

 

[Wugak]

I do know this impulse to just get away from everyone who doesn't understand and everyone you might hurt because of not feeling right.
I had a couple of attempts at getting away but when I did I realised also that I needed the support of people who knew me.
I don't have children and can only imagine how difficult that is when feeling this way.
My own mother had mental health issues. I loved her very much but I did get hurt because of her issues.
Looking back, I don't wish she'd left, I wish there had been more openness and honesty about what was going on for her. Maybe I could have helped.
And maybe I wouldn't have blamed myself for so many years and felt there was something wrong with me because of the way she was.
I know that's a big ask, and hard to do while still providing a secure base for your child but is it possible?
Your ex probably only wants the best for your child too. Is it possible to be open with him too?
You may not be able to live together, but could you work together in making this easier for you and your child?
Just suggestions.
I've often thought I would have been better prepared for life if someone had explained to me what was going on with my mother.
Children can't fully understand, it's just important they know it's nothing to do with them.
I really feel for you in your situation and hope you can find a good solution.
You sound like a great mum by the way - wanting only the best for your child.

 

[Izel]

I moved far away. The weather was a real big factor. Minus 25% and winter right smack into summer left me drained. Married...

You did the right thing, you are the only one who can truly take care of you, a fresh start will allow you to think more clearly and rebuild something better. I would not recommend not having a therapist at your new hometown, you need to be able to focus forward and stay grounded and a therapist will do wonders for that. That there job to help you keep you grounded and moving forward.

I did the same thing 15 years ago, but i made the mistake of going of meds, and not having any psych care, I had moved to SC where the climate extremes are less, so my cycles were mild when I had them, but I was functioning most of the time in the hypo manic state.

When I moved up here to MD my mania irritated people, and when the season changed and my cycle hit I had the severe depression that I used to get during my cycle (which the meds kept me from being manic and from hitting bottom with depression), with no meds I had SI and had a plan I started executing, In the end I was hospitalized and got back on meds.

My point is, moving and a fresh start does not change anything but the location and what you dealt with at the old location. You still have to deal with all this, so its best to get the care. You will be more successful in your new path by doing so.

 

[Safabat]

I wonder if there is anyone who has faced this before?

I have but not with a child so this might be a bit different.

In my hometown is a lot of horrid memories. I was cutting 8 times a day on average. I was self distructing.

I had made a friend of a christian youth pastor and his wife over the internet. His family was sort of like a stand in family at the time, and they paid to fly me round trip to their State, which was 1600 miles away, to visit. After that visit I had decided to move there. 1600 miles away from family members, friends, and only knew this youth pastor and his wife.

I flourished! I lived with this family at first but got a good job and then my own apartment and got into a sexual abuse support group in the church. And though i didnt talk much (certianly no one knew the whole real story) and didnt share anything, this youth pastor's 3 sister also went. Which allowed me to feel accepted by this family more.

I did very well there. Made friends and just did well.

Had to move back to my homestate (not my hometown and refuse to go back to my hometown) after my accident to live with my dad because, at the time, i couldnt walk..or work, and was about to be evicted. But if I could move back there, i would. I miss it horribly.

I dont have children but if i did i would have taken them. BUT, if the best place for the child is with the other parent and you are doing whats best for the child, only, then thats good. So no judgements here.

Id only say that you cant check out of being a parent, your child isnt better without you, and your child needs you. Im not saying that you are doing that or that you think this, i dont know if you do so just saying it just in case you do.

Do what's in the best intrest of your child ONLY.

 

[Vebi]

Hmmmm, I can see both sides of the story. I can't say, one is better then the other. But, I do feel you should share and discuss openly with your therapist.
I can understand, needing to start over. But what you leave behind, could also hurt you in the long run and your child.
If your symptomatic, it would feel best right now. But what happens when your not. Hopefully your therapist can help,
Because it's something you can't take back. I feel your a great mom, because your putting your child first. But leaving may not be the right choice, for you or your child. So please talk to your therapist and seek the guidance, to make the biggest decision of your life.

It's not a matter of right or wrong, it's want can I live with. Sending support and strength.

 

[Gafabe]

I think if I'd left at almost any point in the last few years, I'd be better by now. Unfortunately, as f*cked up as I am, I'm the far better parent. It's a very low bar.

I've come close on several occasions, anyhow. Some, because that's my last call before suicide. I'm not allowed to kill myself before walking away from my life and giving up everything. Some, because if I could spend even just a few months getting on my feet, my child's life would be infinitely better than it is now, so I can (painfully) rationalize summer with the grandparents while I get myself set up elsewhere, would be a very good thing. If that worked. I just don't trust myself enough to do that. My fear is that I would blink twice and the summer would be gone and I'd be in the same or worse position than I am, now. So I keep plodding along, things staying the same, or getting worse, because it's the devil I know.