Why am i meeting trashy people everyday.....

[J_trustno1]

Yes! I've said it. It's none other than my own group of people (i.e. Indians). I know that it is wrong to stereotype the entire culture based on some negative experiences but then again why do I keep meeting the wrong people???

Ever since I started this study, I keep meeting wrong types of people. They are either manipulative, selfish, takers or users.

Experience 1:

On my first day, I get stared at by Indian guys (between 23 - 25) and their heads move in the direction I move. They try making a move on me but don't get anywhere because I wasn't open to all their advances. Now they discovered I was older than them (i'm 28), I stopped getting attention and I have no regrets.

Within a week, I get this guy from their group adding me on facebook, and straight away asking my "age" and if I was "married" which was rude! I told my age and told I was not married. Then he starts flirting for a week and I told him that it'll not get him anywhere because I don't trust people easily. Now he makes fun of me in class and treats me like doormat. He called me a "female dog" just because I have a strong sense of smell! I'm pissed off at this behavior :mad:.

Experience 2:

A girl (who is also Indian) and pretty boy (also indian) only message me when they need assignment help. They annoy the shit out of me and want me to pretty much give them my assignment to them so they can copy it. I told them that I cannot give them the answers or give the assignment but can assist. They keep on taking without realising what they are doing is really wrong in ethical terms. I don't receive any messages from them once the assignments are over. That's all there is to this part.

Experience 3:

Another Indian guy (he's 26), initially asks for my details cleverly because he wanted to know about PhD options at university. So I do email him the details. Then he immediately starts messaging me on my email ID all the time and annoying me. Then adds me on facebook and chats with me till 4 am in the morning. He keeps on asking me personal questions (this is where I lack boundaries) and I end up answering. Those questions were related to my parents broken marriage and the kind of person I am. I told him about my emotional abuse caused by my father and relatives and how my father tried killing me. Then he tells me to "wear make up and dress up in Indian attire so that I can get many guys attracted to me". When I told him off for wanting me to what he wanted me to be, he immediately says that he was joking and i took seriously. He tells me that he doesn't even like girls wearing makeup and he can even marry an African girl without caring about her looks. This guy then tells me that he knows astrology etc and can read my future (bullshit). The gives me readings (which I do not believe).


Then asks for my number before I deactivated my account and then messages me on whatsapp like crazy. When I tell him off that I am not at the place to pick up guys, he gets mad and tells me that he only wants to be my friend. Then again, topic about me not wanting a relationship or ending up like my mother continued on whatsapp. Then we were talking about the pretty boy in class and I asked him as a joke to predict that guy's future. He then tells me that this pretty guy "will go for a model looking girl who has a sense of style and wears makeup etc etc". Then he starts telling me to "wear make-up, dress up in Indian attire because that will add sex appeal, guys love it." I told him that I do not like all that crap and there is no need to do that. He kept on pushing that stuff on me and told me that "who told you to do makeup for yourself? It's pretty much done to attract guys and you should be doing it get followers not for yourself". This is point where I got mad at him last night. I told him off and said "I don't give a f*ck about attracting a guy and I don't give a damn what people see me as because of I am happy as who I am after going through all that childhood emotional abuse from relatives and my own father." I also told him why the hell he was forcing makeup on me when he himself doesn't like it? He then tells me that he was joking. I told him not to ever message me or contact me or else he'll suffer the consequences. I blocked him on my whatsapp, on my phone and on facebook.

I 'm feel sick about this entire incident. I'm only seen as a material by these Indian guy when I have no intentions on picking up a guy. I am honest and share information when asked but these guys take this stuff to another level thinking that I'm easy just because I'm honest. It's taking the piss out of me now. I've only been at that institute for 5 weeks and I've met several horrible people and that too Indian men mostly! All the experience 3 happened within a week and I have a whole year to spend at that place. I really need some tips to help me through this mess I'm in.

Btw he is the guy who is overweight, not so good looking and giving me tips on how I should look! :mad: :mad: :mad:

Please suggest something. Thanks in advance.

 

[Sideways]

2 suggestions, just tossing around ideas...

First, have some pity on these people. There is no medical treatment for being a jerk. They're stuck like that for the rest of their lives. Sad really!

Second, work on your boundaries yeah? A week of harassment before you start blocking someone? Too long. If you put it out there that you just wanna be friends, then be consistent with that. Share only what you would share with someone you barely know, until enough time has passed that they qualify enough to get to know you better. And if you say "just friends", they get one shot at that. Not a week. If they push it further than you want to go, put up the walls pronto.

With ptsd on board, finding good quality friends is really important, but you have to tread more carefully than the average Joe, because when people start abusing your "friendship" like this, they're gonna do a lot of damage to an already fragile self-esteem.

You're worth better than this. So go ahead and demand better, and kick the ones to the kerb that just aren't good enough. Hang in there, quality friends are out there, it's just a bit hard to find them amongst all the rubbish sometimes:)

 

[joeylittle]

I know that it is wrong to stereotype the entire culture based on some negative experiences but then again why do I keep meeting the wrong people???

Jerks come in all races, ethnicities, shapes, sizes, creeds....

work on your boundaries yeah? A week of harassment before you start blocking someone? Too long. If you put it out there that you just wanna be friends, then be consistent with that.

This is solid advice.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks @Ragdoll Circus and @joeylittle . I really appreciate your input.

I keep blaming myself and feeling guilty for the entire thing. Only if I had been cautious then all this mess wouldn't have happened. I have discussed the lack of boundaries in therapy and this the what me and my T has decided to touch on in our next therapy session. I keep feeling that this guy in experience #3 will spread rumors around about me, he will tell everyone about my weaknesses and me constantly talking about the pretty boy to him. I keep feeling that my life is going to miserable for the rest of the year at that place and they will now label me as an "easy" girl. This dude in experience #3 knows about my father, knows about my depression, knows about me having trouble letting other guys near me, me having issues with Indian culture, and failed relationships twice. I feel like an idiot for opening everything up. He kept on insisting the information out of me and I was dumb enough not to "STOP", I can't even concentrate on my study or exercise because of this. This is the reason why I avoid humans because I don't know how to handle such situations. I initially get into trouble and then I suffer with the aftermath.

Is there a way I don't feel this bad about myself and not worry about what will happen at uni next week?

 

[Sideways]

You can maybe start by allowing yourself to make mistakes. You're learning boundaries, so you won't get it right first time. Chalk this one up to experience.

And when you go back to uni, you hold your head up high and ignore the ignorant gossip if it occurs - if they had any concept of what it takes for you to just be there each day, with all the stuff you have to deal with, they'd shut their mouths and just be damn impressed by you.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks @Ragdoll Circus , you're really kind and helpful. Thanks for helping me. I have been suffering with boundaries for years but only started realizing this for the past few months but still struggling. My fear is Indian people especially Indian men. Seeing a lot of them together is a shock to my system. It's an exposure therapy for me tbh. I really want to be able to deal with all that and no give 2 shit about it.

 

[Sideways]

These jerks aren't exactly helping, but you're stronger than you realise, and they are far less important than they think they are:)

 

[J_trustno1]

Awww thanks @Ragdoll Circus . You're really sweet :hug:s :). Should I care if he spreads rumors about me and calls me "slut" or an "easy" girl? I've been noticing whenever I say no to guys, they end up bullying me. So what would be the solution to that?

 

[Sideways]

When a guy resorts to using language like that, it says more about the guy than the chick he's aiming it at. Sticks & stones. They'll get bored of it when they realise that you couldn't give SFA about what they think of you.

Easy? Pfft. If you're easy, then they must have bubonic plague or something because you wouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole...with a hazmat suit on.

 

[J_trustno1]

Hahahhaha,, you made me smile @Ragdoll Circus , you're amazing. Thanks :hug:s and happy easter :)

 

[Sideways]

Happy Easter JT!

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I am sad to read your experience and unfortunately the world has a lot of these types of people. Make up - not necessary if you want a partner who isn't shallow, honestly, nice people don't judge on this sort of rubbish. University pushed me over the edge, partly because of many people's shallow, narrow minded attitudes, I could not tolerate them and I'm glad I'm finished my degree. I don't know that there is any solution but I can tell you there are good people in this world, they're just sparsed about and are rare, but I hope you will find them because you deserve them. And Happy Easter :hug: