Just Not Coping

[Blackjack]

i thought perhaps it was better to start a thread here instead of keeping going onto chat, although the lovely folk on there are being so tolerant.

I am just not coping this week at all. It started on Monday with my visit to the hospital having injured my hand, ending up pumped full of pain relief and sedative, spending most of the day in the hospital then not being able to sleep as couldn't get my arm comfy (in a sling day and night at moment). Really tired from two nights of that. Been trying to support a friend that suffers from depression who lost her grandmother on Monday evening. My mother is angry with me for having been to the hospital and ending up all bandaged up. So after that lot was supposed to be seeing my counsellor today for a much needed session and he had to cancel last minute due to a family crisis. He is my lifeline as neither my husband or mother know about my PTSD as they do not tolerate mental health issues st all.
Done nothing but shake and cry since this morning, can't get warm, cannot focus on work, feel embarrassed greatly about being seen in the sling, struggling to do basic stuff one handed, and just feel totally alone, in pain both physically and emotionally and feel like I am just feeling sorry for myself and need, as my bitch of a mother would say 'to pull myself together' (a phrase I detest because it isn't like that as we all know) but can't help it. I am just not coping and I am really scared.

 

[ToughCookie]

Hug to you Blackjack, if I may

I haven't really chatted with you on chat, but I hear your pain.

Maybe this trick that helps me in hopeless situations can help you, too? Ask and answer these questions: How would a perfectly healthy you have acted in this situation? What would she think about the people in your life? About the situation? What would she do and what would she not do, all perfectly confident?

I often get a LOT OF healing and strength from trying to think through what the perfectly healthy response to different situations would be.

The trick to coping isn't to avoid shit, but to know how to tackle it, and most of the time we know very well how to tackle it if we just imagine what a perfectly healthy us would have done, instead of shaming ourselves into pointless thoughts or demotivating actions.

Hope this helps a bit. You are strong enough, good enough and worth it. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Sometimes it's best to take a break from all that is stressing you. If you're completely overwhelmed then it can be best to stop and take time to nurture yourself. At a later time when you're not so overwhelmed you will then be better equipped to handle the stress that life throws your way.

 

[Blackjack]

Heard from my counsellor this morning and can't give me an appointment until next Wednesday! Really don't know what I am going to do. Don't want to keep crying on chat to everyone, it doesn't seem right, but really don't have anyone else to talk to. Feeling lost and very alone. Hurting so much inside and out, don't know how I am going to make it to next Wednesday. Been crying on and off for 24 hours, hardly eaten and keep shaking. I am starting to scare myself as feel so unwell, as if I am having a total breakdown

 

[digger]

Heard from my counsellor this morning and can't give me an appointment until next Wednesday

Some ideas that might help...
Spend a bit of time writing down the things you would want to be saying to your counsellor if you could see them earlier. It may just help to shift them slightly from taking up so much space in your head. Try to think what your counsellor would likely say back to you in response - don't know how long you've been seeing your counsellor, but if you have built up a good working relationship with them, then this can be a really useful exercise - basically practicing putting some of what your counsellor has given you to use.

Keep using the forum. If you haven't started a diary yet, that can be a good place to just get stuff out. Or start threads. Or use chat if that's helpful to you. Keep reaching out to people who will hear you.

I have used the Samaritans in the past for support in times when I haven't had any other support. You don't have to be suicidal. They also have email support if your not comfortable using the phone - you don't get an instant response via email, and it isn't always the same person responding, but it can still be a helpful way of offloading some of the stress till you can get to see your counsellor.

:hug:

 

[Blackjack]

Thank you so much Digger, some good ideas there. It is early days for me, only been seeing the counsellor for about 4 weeks and really need his support as got nobody at home that I can talk to. Thank you for caring enough to post, I really appreciate it. Just feel so rough....

 

[Whyteferret]

i thought perhaps it was better to start a thread here instead of keeping going onto chat, although th...

I hope you're doing better today.

 

[Blackjack]

Hi Whyteferret, thanks so much for caring. I am not crying so much today thank goodness, just incredibly tired as missed out on so much sleep recently. Been back to the hospital with my arm today and now got it in a cast which means I can take the sling off at nights and will be easier to sleep. Hospital also gave me some Benzos to take tonight to make sure I get some rest. I am just exhausted totally. I feel completely numb, no feelings or anything. Yesterday was awful, I have never felt quite so unwell. Still feel incredibly fragile today, physically and mentally, but I know I badly need to sleep which will help hopefully. Have been at work all week apart from my hospital visit at the start of the week and again this morning so been having to hide everything going on inside me . I need the routine and normality. Cannot wait for bedtime tonight!

Thank you so much for asking, it means a lot. Not used to anyone caring

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so glad you started this discussion and I know you will receive a lot of support here/:hug:

 

[Blackjack]

Thank you Gizmo, everyone is being so kind and helpful. I have suddenly gone from being very teary and emotional to being totally emotionless and I don't like that. I had my counsellor appointment today and it was like I was talking about someone else, not me. I cannot explain it but it's a strange feeling and just started overnight - I went from being an emotional mess to totally emotionless in one leap. I feel very unsettled by it all I really do. I felt no relief or comfort from my appointment today, nothing at all and that's scary!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It could be the meds maybe.

 

[Blackjack]

I am not actually taking any at the moment Gizmo. Had some emergency anti anxiety ones the other night when I had a breakdown but nothing since apart from Tramadol for pain. Still feel same today, it feels like a backward step as its back to being how I was at the start of the process. It's nearly 1am, stuffed full of painkillers but still can't sleep. Want a good sob but can't. Thinking all kinds of dark stuff and been looking at a photo of the crash site. Just torturing myself!