The bold type was a mistake due to using a phone, not something deliberate.
This whole thing may have wandered a little off topic, but maybe it's still useful. I've just got to say that it's reinforcing my thoughts that being in a relationship is a bad idea and would be unfair to the other party. (Not that it's very likely anyone's going to come along and think that I'm relationship material.)
There IS a lot of difference between people. As far as sharing goes, there are several sides to that. First, you don't know how much a person can handle until it's too late, some of the time. And, THEY don't know how much they can handle either. Personally? I don't talk about stuff for a lot of reasons. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I don't want people changing how they think of me because of "history". I don't know how they're going to react. I actually HAVE had people decide they couldn't be a friend any longer because "people who were sexually abused as children grow up to be abusers". And, last but not least, talking about stuff somehow makes it seem "real" and takes me to places I'd rather not go. None of it is information that anyone needs to know. whether they want it or not.
As he was recollecting, his story was very detailed
@glass half full , here's something you may be aware of, you may not. I guess there's a point, down the road, where you have the trauma stuff "processed" and you can talk about it like normal people talk about bad stuff. Before then, it's not as much "remembering" as it is "reliving". My T keeps stressing being aware that something happened "over there, back then", But, if & when I talk about it? I'm "there" and it's "now". It sounds like when your SO told you that story that was probably the way he was experiencing. (No, I don't know that for sure. Educated guess.) The sex after? Sometimes that's kind of a way of trying to wash the taste out of your mouth, so to speak. It can be a distraction. It can be a way to try to grasp on to a bit of a better here and now. It's kind of hard to explain, but I know I've been in similar situations. Not that the feelings behind it weren't also totally real.
I wish I could explain this better, but talking about traumatic memories isn't like talking about normal memories. They aren't experienced the same way. At the same time, I, at least, didn't KNOW that was what the deal was until my T explained it. It's not exactly intuitive. You just feel like "going there" isn't safe.
Don't get this topic locked guys! It's a good topic and I think there's a ton of good will on all sides. It's just pretty personal and hard to keep in perspective.
