Should One Person's Beauty Be A Standard To Judge Another Person???

[The Albatross]

P.S. I guess why I can't accept what I look like goes back to the verbal and emotional abuse and in spite of my best efforts in part I believed it... then between ageing and steroids... all bets were off. I was hardwired though to be less than, pounded into me by my abusive and dysfunctional family dynamic. They couldn't fault my intelligence so they went after how I look, sound, dressed, wore my hair, the look on my face. ???

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Hmm, to me it seems like I'm in a completely different niche for that.

I talked to some people a bit, and like, the general "how good someone looks" thingy is for me completely different than for others.

A lot of how we feel about ourselves is determined by our surroundings, and those who went through abuse will have a twisted self image, and it's very hard to fix that, unfortunately.

 

[Bloomy]

@Saelben Ive found that doing acitivities and fysical exercise helps a lot. The accomplishment will slowly sieze to overcome to care that much about your looks. Performens will be the matter. Also doing activities in nature. The surroundings will help ease your mind and change focus.
Aint easy for sure, but with this step by step it feels better.
I looked better according to society standards as young, but somehat feel better now old and wrinkled but with a fysique to enjoy.

 

[mary1979]

Stupid society and its invisible rules about what is 'good enough' and what isn't.
Even more ridiculous that you will find it hard to come across any ONE single who doesn't judge or feel judged based simply on appearance, ( the expression of this may vary but everyone feels it to some degree) however collectively nobody can argue that society (US!) does judge on appearance primarily.

I.wanna know just WHO this society bloke is, he is too hard on everyone ;)

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks guys for the wonderful answer. Sorry for getting back to you late as I was so busy with my assignment :(. I know that I need to respond to each of your concerns on this thread and I will shortly do it.

I had one more question: Should you also feel that you are not good looking if one guy doesn't find you good looking? Does it mean you are not good enough?? I know i'm asking stupid questions but I want to know your views. Thanks. I will really really reply.

 

[Ronin]

Should you also feel that you are not good looking if one guy doesn't find you good looking?

No.

One person both doesn't determine your value (you do that.), and isn't a large enough sample to base any kind of judgment on. It's just their opinion. It doesn't even speak of a trend of any sort.

 

[Ronin]

I know i'm asking stupid questions

The only stupid question is the one not asked. :)
It's good & smart you're asking.
Also difficult and personal questions & vulnerable questions. Courage & respect for it.

 

[Teasel]

Agree with Cashew

Sounds like you ate giving away the power to judge your worth to anyone who cares to judge you?

I've done a fair bit of that. Miserable way to live! Much better to decide you're worth loads and that anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool x

 

[Abstract]

I guess I think body issues in general are about confidence and ingrained messages. And. I'm not sure about you but I think a lot of us have experienced verbal abuse about our appearance and bodies. Then... how to say this .... I think some of us have been made to believe that our (or ones) only value is in our looks and bodies. And then finding attractiveness to others really dangerous too. All I can say is that I was extremely conflicted when it comes to these things and still am to an extent. My long term eating disorders where a conflicted mess of wanting to be invisible, unfeminine and unattractive; attractive so as to please; and normal so that I could stop feeling like a freak and stop being targeted for verbal and other bullying (mostly from parents). It took me 30 odd years to figure that out. Does that resonate at all? Probably not but I thought I would put it out there. I blamed my body and put all sorts of responsibilities onto it that weren't valid and for a few reasons. The way I have helped it (still a way to go) is to move things away from body and to what these things are really about.

 

[EveHarrington]

Here's an example.

Some guys are into BBW's. What are BBW's? Big beautiful women. These are women who are in the obese/morbidly obese weight categories and yes there are men who are only attracted to these particular body types. If these women listened to the opinion pushed by the media they would have given up on dating long ago. If guys who are attracted to BBW's listened to the media they would feel great shame for their bodily preference in women.

My point is that there is no single defining type of beauty. If you look around when out in public-----I mean really look at people-----you'll see that most of us are pretty average.

I walked by this guy the other day at the local market. Couldn't tell if he had work done but he had this chiseled look of a Greek God. I was just looking at him thinking "are you REAL?" LOL. He was a bit too perfect and yes could have easily been a model, but I had ZERO attraction to him. It just goes to show that the perfect body won't mean everyone loves you or even that everyone will think you're attractive

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why is that we are always looking at someone better than us in terms of looks or other standards?

Because that's humans. We always compare and have always compared. As far back as humans go it was always the biggest, the fearless-est, the "bad-ass-est". Today its the skinniest. Back in the 1800s being "bigger" was preferred, now its the most skinny the "prettiest". Go figure.

"Should one person's Beauty Be A Standard To Judge Another Person???" Absolutley not and if one wants to "win my heart" they will need to have inside beauty as i dont even see outside beauty and its not a factor and so low on the list that it doesnt even make the list. Some of the best people ive met arent the best looking outside in today's "standard" (as in not per me) and some of the biggest bitches and assholes were some of the best looking. Whats important is whats inside. Now the trick is to get one to see me as such... :bag::yuck::mask::lurking:

 

[Friday]

Beauty isn't shallow.

The absence of everything else except beauty is shallow.

If you really think about it? No matter how superficially admirable any trait is? From integrity to intelligence, any trait taken to the exclusion of all others is shallow. It's the balance and amalgamation of many traits that creates depth. Not individual attributes.

Placing a high value on beauty? Isn't wrong. No more than placing a high value on intelligence or integrity is wrong.

I wonder what would happen if you, instead of deciding beauty is shallow and doesn't matter and shouldn't be something you care about and try to demean and fight against, if you played around with the possibility that physical beauty is important to you? That it's not only special, desirable, attainable... But also a perfectly acceptable goal to attempt to achieve? Right along with each and every single other of your heart's desires.

I think you might find, that instead of insecurity & envy in the face of other people's beauty, you begin to respond differently.

Maybe not.

I know you value intelligence. Do brilliant people excite you? Bring you joy to be around? Or do they do the same thing that beauty does? If the sexiest minds on the planet make your eyes sparkle & your heart and mind trip over themselves in wonder and possibility, I would very seriously consider adding loving beauty to your own personal amalgamation of traits. ;) Add one more layer of depth.