-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
When Do You Know?
- Post starter Snowflake
- Start date
- Status
Silent one
Bronze Member
When you have no more energy and nothing matters anymore.
Silent one
Bronze Member
I wish I could be positive for you snowflake! I am feeling the same.
joeylittle
Sponsor
Which fight?
- Post starter
- #5
Of living with ptsd.
joeylittle
Sponsor
There isn't an alternative, is there?
I know what you mean - and I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass. But there are some thoughts that will only make everything much more difficult, and I think this is one of them.
No-one here is going to condone suicide. I'm not sure that's even what you are inferring. I think the hardest part of it all, sometimes, is figuring out how to come to an understanding with yourself about the diagnosis: accepting PTSD as a thing that's happening right now, and yes it's horrible, seems unsurvivable - but it can and does change.
Personally, I've been dealing with depression for longer, and I ask myself all the time it seems, lately, 'when do I stop fighting this?'. But the answer has more to do with 'how can I stop fighting with the fact of this', instead of 'when is it going to be OK to give up?' It's never going to be OK to give up.
That's probably not what you want to hear, but I think it's the only way to survive it.
It's also very helpful for me to not engage with the future, because all I see is a very long road of days and days of suffering. If I can do one day at a time, that will be good enough for right now. That's actually more than good enough, it's gold-star-awesome, as far as I'm concerned. Other people can benefit from and handle thinking about the future....but I might suggest, right now, that you try and keep it all very small, very in the moment, and not allow yourself to wonder too hard about the details of what you might be doing five days from now, a year from now, whatever.
Try and notice the times when it's not a fight. I promise you, they are there. They may be super-small, and very fleeting, but they are there.
I know what you mean - and I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass. But there are some thoughts that will only make everything much more difficult, and I think this is one of them.
No-one here is going to condone suicide. I'm not sure that's even what you are inferring. I think the hardest part of it all, sometimes, is figuring out how to come to an understanding with yourself about the diagnosis: accepting PTSD as a thing that's happening right now, and yes it's horrible, seems unsurvivable - but it can and does change.
Personally, I've been dealing with depression for longer, and I ask myself all the time it seems, lately, 'when do I stop fighting this?'. But the answer has more to do with 'how can I stop fighting with the fact of this', instead of 'when is it going to be OK to give up?' It's never going to be OK to give up.
That's probably not what you want to hear, but I think it's the only way to survive it.
It's also very helpful for me to not engage with the future, because all I see is a very long road of days and days of suffering. If I can do one day at a time, that will be good enough for right now. That's actually more than good enough, it's gold-star-awesome, as far as I'm concerned. Other people can benefit from and handle thinking about the future....but I might suggest, right now, that you try and keep it all very small, very in the moment, and not allow yourself to wonder too hard about the details of what you might be doing five days from now, a year from now, whatever.
Try and notice the times when it's not a fight. I promise you, they are there. They may be super-small, and very fleeting, but they are there.
Silent one
Bronze Member
Living in the moment is difficult when my moments are filled with fear and terror. There are no words to describe how it is. Right?
sun seeker
Diamond Member
True. There are no words to describe how it is.
Since I know that, it might be easier to believe me when I say the time does come when the moments are not so filled with fear and terror. Really, it does. So gradually you don't notice it until you look back and realize today was better than last week, or last month. There are still times when you feel horrible, but there do get to be fewer of them, with more okay - or even good - times in between. Eventually, even the intensity of the horrible times lessens.
Not so easy to believe when you are suffering so much, I know. Just know there is someone who understands, and is reaching out with compassion, wanting very much for you to be okay.
Since I know that, it might be easier to believe me when I say the time does come when the moments are not so filled with fear and terror. Really, it does. So gradually you don't notice it until you look back and realize today was better than last week, or last month. There are still times when you feel horrible, but there do get to be fewer of them, with more okay - or even good - times in between. Eventually, even the intensity of the horrible times lessens.
Not so easy to believe when you are suffering so much, I know. Just know there is someone who understands, and is reaching out with compassion, wanting very much for you to be okay.
Last edited:
- Post starter
- #9
No there are no words. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of fighting with my mind. I am so tired that I cannot think or feel. I just want to runaway. I wish someone could just hold me and say it's going to be okay. But there is no one . I am hanging on the bottom of the rope, clinging, and I don't know how much longer I can hang on.
- Post starter
- #10
I understand and agree with what you have said. I also take one day at a time, actually I can only think about a few hours at a time. "If I can make it through the night I'm good, if I can make it to lunch I'm good, if I can make it to the end of work I'm good, if I can make it till I am asleep I'm good." Sometimes even that is difficult. I am fighting for survival, looking for the smallest things to keep me going.....a text, an email, checking the forum for a message or post. (All of this often doesn't occur) I am so alone. My therapist says to try to do yoga, exercise. I can't, I can barely work. I often wonder how frustrated and disappointed she gets with me. I go through my contacts (very few) to see who I can reach out to...there is no one. I have a husband the is emotionally abusive but I have no strength to do anything. For all I know The comments that he makes are the truth, I am fat,I am ugly, I do have a big bottom,I am stupid, I am dumb. He doesn't hold me, he says I am mentally out there for seeing a therapist. He says I need to stop dwelling on the "sex" as a child-it wasn't the end of the world. But I stray because maybe he is right, I stay because if I left I have nothing, I am alone...my head wants to blow up, my body is tight, but there is no one out there to listen to me-or try to understand how it feels. I hate myself, I hate my life and I hate that I want a hug so badly that there is no one in my world to give it and help me through this time. I am overwhelmed. Sorry for venting.... Ban me I don't care.
Silent one
Bronze Member
If I could gather you in my arms to hug you, I would not hesitate. You deserve love as much as anyone ekse. Please don't take what your husband says to be the truth. He is causing major damage by abusing you emotionally.
I too, dream of running away, but I have no support and no where to run. I would not get very far. I cannot make it on my own. I am clinging to the end of a rope as well. The rope gets weaker every day. It is barely strong enough to hold my weight. But I am hanging on tightly for now. That will to live is a bit stronger today but it is only a matter of time before it breaks. I am here for you my friend! Please believe that!
I too, dream of running away, but I have no support and no where to run. I would not get very far. I cannot make it on my own. I am clinging to the end of a rope as well. The rope gets weaker every day. It is barely strong enough to hold my weight. But I am hanging on tightly for now. That will to live is a bit stronger today but it is only a matter of time before it breaks. I am here for you my friend! Please believe that!
- Post starter
- #12
Thank you Silent one!
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
Latest posts
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Latest: Seraphine fatal
-
-
