Sexual Arousal From Flashback

[KeepingTime]

:) maybe one day I will be able to talk about that part of my story. I guess this was a first step for me...so thank YOU! And yes the jaw dropping thing was my reaction when I read this thread. I always figured abuse was about "their" pleasure. What did they get out of making us have pleasure?
Things to know about me? I HATE the word pleasure.

 

[Missycat]

Just when i was thinking is it just me? Am i going mad ? I come across this site and i cant tell you how reading all the comments on this thread have made me feel - a flood of emotions - sadness, sobbing and relief - maybe I'm not alone after all. You are all so brave for sharing your thoughts and feelings (I really hope that doesnt sound patronising) . I find it really difficult to share how i feel or what happened to me but knowing that there is support from others helps. Thank you for sharing. Big hugs

 

[Sideways]

It makes me kind of angry. I mean, I've had flashbacks for as long as I can remember. Body memories? Yep. All sorts of physical sensations go on for me when I'm having a flashback. And I get it, because you read about it, how you might experience the same pain as you did at the time, etc.

But why has it taken me so long to realise that sexual arousal is included in that? It deserves a goddamn mention in the literature that you read on how to recover from sexual abuse. There is so much shame covering every aspect of the abuse and trying to recover from it. Not putting it out there, "Hey, sexual arousal during flashbacks is normal" - just say it. We need to hear it. We need to have it spelled out in black and white in front of us: this is not something that's weird, it's normal, it's nothing to be ashamed about. The silence around this issue perpetuates the immense shame that we already carry around.

First chapter in every book on flashbacks should state, explicitly for us, "Flashbacks are often sexually arousing, and that's normal".

Sometimes it feels like even the places where you expect to find solace and support are just perpetuating the shame. I'm glad I started this thread. It's bloody awful, but thank f*ck it's out there now in black and white: sexual arousal from flashbacks is normal.

End of angry rant.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

To answer another's question about what the abuser gets out of giving us pleasure - I think it's about control, still having the power over the person, because they're forcing you to enjoy it, so they still have all the control.

 

[Recovery4Me]

on flashbacks should state, explicitly for us, "Flashbacks are often sexually arousing, and that's normal".

I gently offer that PTSD involves more than trauma from sexual violence. For instance...disease trauma, nature disaster, war, genocide...ect. However, I understand your points.

@Missycat Welcome aboard! Hugs if you accept. This is a safe place and in time you may find your voice strong and clear.;)

 

[EveHarrington]

I gently offer that PTSD involves more than trauma from sexual violence.

I think if we start to split hairs then it'll end up with "if you had sexual trauma then sexual arousal from flashbacks is normal but if you had any other type of trauma and get sexually aroused then you're a freak".

 

[Deleted member 29920]

In The Courage to Heal there's a small bit about it. It says many survivors can feel sexual arousal if sex incorporates some aspect of abuse. They feel rage, shame and disgust about it. The author says it's like imprinting. But, we can change our conditioning and disconnect the associations. She says to - make the commitment we want to change, back it up with action (by not engaging in abusive sex), replace new fantasies with the old ones, talk about it with a therapist, trusted friend or partner.

I do believe it's possible but that it will take time.

 

[Missycat]

@Recovery4Me , hugs accepted and felt, thank you.
All the emotions and body feelings i am experiencing following and during dreams and flashbacks has started to cause panic attacks along with immense feelings of shame, guilt, anger . I have started therapy and feel i can trust my therapist but really not sure if i can actually say the words out loud I feel i want to vomit just thinking about it.

 

[KeepingTime]

For me it wasn't only that I felt pleasure. It was timed and I had to "respond" within a certain timeframe...5 minutes..10 minutes..whatever he said at that moment. If I didn't before time was up there was punishment. If I finished too early he just continued...past pleasure is pain.

I have tried to bring this up in T but I can't make myself use the big words to explain.

Welcome @Missycat

 

[KeepingTime]

Yep :(

In order for me to be able to reach a point I could feel sex at all, I had to let some of tho...

@mary1979 if you ever care to elaborate on this I would like to hear....I have a sneaking suspicion that you are describing what I'm struggling with.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Cj77 That was a solid book: have you read it @MissyKat? (((hugs)))

I think if we start to split hairs then it'll end up with "if you h

It is best to submit to the DSM-5 :) for remembrance of those whom suffer within our diagnosis.

"Note that DSM-5 introduced a preschool subtype of PTSD for children ages six years and younger..." VA.gov | Veterans Affairs

Out of the thread...;) Good to see you Eve:hug:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yes, it's quite a helpful book @Recovery4Me :tup: