My Husband Just Told Me He's Leaving Me

[Ava Jarvis]

Um. Wow.

That's pretty unacceptable on his part.

Sometimes life is a soap opera. :(

 

[Sideways]

When you commented that he admitted to failing you as a supporter, I bit my tongue, because it was a good start.

But from where I sit, he actually needs to admit that he's failed you as a husband. Forget that it's PTSD for a moment - you're ill. What does a spouse do when their partner gets really ill? They find out what the f*ck is going on, how to treat it, how to help. Parkinsons, brain cancer, MS, ptsd - it doesn't matter. In sickness & health, because in life, we all get sick, and it's ugly and painful and unromantic. It's life. That's what you sign up for when you get married. That's the vow. "I'm gonna love you, right up till we're both old and not pretty any more. I'm gonna love you through the best times, and I'm gonna love you all through the worst times".

Counselling is great news. He's struggling. He's human. He's fallible. But part of him is still trying and that's worth fighting for.

But this isn't just about whether he can love you with ptsd. This is about whether he can love you, warts and all, period. He didn't live up to his end of the bargain. Saying he's leaving as a way to kick-start the conversation about what he should've been doing? That was him failing you. That's not how a marriage works.

I hope, I really really do, that you both get through this. But your value as a human, your value as his wife - don't underestimate that. Don't sell yourself short. You are worth loving, unconditionally. And that's what he needs to commit to.

I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for the belief that it's possible for you two to survive this and be stronger together. Thoughts are with you MC.

 

[hodge]

Oh, Mal, I am so sorry I missed this thread until now. I am so very sorry for what you're going through. I had no idea till I ran across just now.

I don't know what to make of your husband's actions. Plan B? What does it take for him to put Plan B into effect? If you even decide you want him back.

I hope you guys have a good marriage counselor. Emotions run so high in these situations it's not unusual for both people to not be thinking clearly.

As you know, we are here for you. Even if I don't look at threads I check my messages every couple of days, so I can be here for you in that sense.

Take care ((((Mal))))

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Wow. Already got a "plan B" and he just met this fishie? Sounds like he just can't stand to be al...

No, he told her he was separated. In fairness to him, he had moved out of our bedroom about six months ago because he was triggering me. I didn't realize it was a separation, I thought it was support. :p

And yes, he is afraid to be alone.

 

[Zanshin]

@Ragdoll Circus said a lot of very accurate things I'd like to echo here - my hope that it can be healed with help for both of you... And if not, the hope that things can end amicably to not cause more trauma.

Wishes for peace to you, of course, and a reminder to take care of yourself and no sudden life-changing decisions without sleeping on them first.

 

[void]

@Mal Content

May you find peace in the midst of your painful situation.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Thank you all for your support. I feel like I am dying inside. Surprisingly, I'm not feeling suicidal. I value my life more than his, and that means I'm healing.

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I love all of you. :)

 

[Sighs]

I value my life more than his

Yes!!!! You go girl! You will get through this - maybe with him and a stronger relationship and maybe without him but either way a stronger you.

:hug:

 

[ladee]

And we love you back !!! Lots of gentle hugs to you Mal.... This is so hard. Plan B huh? I am not even gonna say one word about it.... but I am thinking it.... nah, I'm saying it out loud in my house !!! Tell him I have a Plan B for him too !!! Love ya and hang tough ..

 

[Deleted member 33052]

And we love you back !!! Lots of gentleo you Mal.... This is so hard. Plan B huh? I am not even go...

I don't think I have ever referred to anyone as a c**t until today. There is power in that word. :)

 

[GrayOwl]

I don't think I have ever referred to anyone as a c**t until today. There is power in that word. :)...

Dear Mal...

I am truly sorry that you are hurting.:(
I hope that despite your pain you can all understand that each of you is hurting.:sick:
And that you can all find ways to lessen your distress.:playful:

But most of all take care of yourself - "To Thine Own Self Be True." Anger, betrayal, confusion, loneliness - you have a lot on your plate.
Take time out for yourself, have a Quiet Time. Be good to yourself. Detaching to gather your thoughts for a while might be a good idea if needed.
Others have given so much good advice.

Thank you for sending me a welcome to the site. It means a lot. You have a good heart - so find some good things to focus on today. I'll send as many :hug: as I can. I hope things work out well for you. I know they can. I have travelled that path. Peace...............

 

[ladee]

Yes he is !!! And yay for powerful words.... I have extras if you need any !!!:shifty::shifty::shifty: