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Time For Plan B

  • Thread starter Thread starter Scarface
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Please push on------things usually get worse before they get better. You've got extra challenges of overcoming a body disfigurement so overall healing may be a bit more prolonged.

I can't help but feel that while your online body disfigurement support forum may indeed supply support, it's also keeping you locked in a negative frame of mind. :(
 
I am suffering from BDD, which after talking to folks on the changing faces forum I am thoroughly convinced that this is simply not true because I have a real disfigurement that is visible. Nobody tells the anorexic person that they are fat.
- Actually, this isn't the way this diagnosis works. People with BDD will quite often have an element of their dysmorphia present.

So, when a person with anorexia also has BDD - they are recalling what their body looked like before the anorexia, focusing on their most-disliked element, and magnifying it. They were doing this pre-anorexia as well, most likely.

In your case, were you to have BDD - and I'm not saying you do - you would be perceiving the scar to be much more prominent than it is, or larger than it is, or visible than it is. It's impossible for anyone online to ever comment on whether or not someone has BDD, unless they are looking right a a picture of what the person actually looks like vs. how they describe themselves. A simple test one can self-administer is to draw yourself, with your deformity - two drawings: one, how it feels, and two, what it really looks like. Someone else needs to look at the pictures; the 'feels' picture will reflect your emotional context for the element, and is accurate no matter what. The 'looks like' picture will demonstrate potential distortion. Sometimes, the difference between reality and 'looks like' is extreme enough as to indicate further testing for BDD.

So: summing up - you could have BDD and still have a visible disfigurement. BDD is not about seeing something that's not there - it's about seeing something that is, in reality, not as extreme as it is to the individual who is suffering.

You should have been evaluated for a TBI at the time of your accident, I would have thought. But - if you weren't - that is definitely something worth pursuing. It may or may not explain some of what you are going through, but it would definitely, definitely be useful for you to know what that situation was.
 
I wonder if during your therapy you could focus on what it must be like to help others who suffer with facial disfigurement. It sounds to me like you could really help others who suffer so. Perhaps that can be an endgoal? Have you read Viktor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning'. Might not be a bad thing right now..

I'm sorry, but I am not interested in helping others who suffer with facial scarring. This is not what I signed up for in life. People with Facial disfigurement are never looked up to as heroes. There are no communities where people rally around each other, like for the physically handicapped.

The bottom line is I don't want this on my face. It will always be a source of embarrassment, agony, and pain and significantly reduces my quality of life. I was already a shy and private person by nature and this is just too much for me to handle. I cannot change my personality. My soul has already been destroyed. I am ready to surrender my body now too.
 
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And the one thing that keeps most people going in times of tragedy and sickness is hope. But I have none. There is nothing else that can be done to improve my face. I am learning that my thin and delicate skin has actually worked against me. It is very stretchy and scars poorly, with wide atrophic cigarette paper scars (similar to Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome). Surgery cannot improve this type of scarring. But no doctor was honest enough to tell me this! So you see, there is no hope for a cure or even an improvement. The only thing that I can do is learn to live with it, and that is not something I can do. I will suffer until I die. I equate this loss as similar to losing a loved one unexpectedly, such as a child or a spouse. I lost my identity. It goes beyond have a pretty face. I have lost my soul. 33 years of life and experiences down the tubes.

People who have good, long fulfilling lives are just lucky in the end. Lucky they didn't get hit with something bad. Life is a numbers game. We have no control. I lost and I guess this is it for me until I die. The good times are over. The evil world wins and I give up.
 
People with Facial disfigurement are never looked up to as heroes.

Gonna call bullshit on that one.

Speak for your own experience. Stop making it larger than your own experience.

Google 'acid attack heroes' and read about the incredibly brave women who live with their devastating facial scarring.

I'm not telling you they are better than you. But I'm telling you that they are the faces of bravery, and of a movement that matters.

They are heroes. You don't speak for them.

Look: is there anyone in your real-life circle that will validate your scarring being so extreme as to cause you to give up completely on life now at the age of 33?

Are you willing to share with us what it looks like? (Without giving away your identity?)

I'm searching for some way we can help you, here. Or support you. Which might be simply listening to your pain and telling you that you are being heard - because it's clear you are suffering.

So maybe I'm just voicing my own sense of helplessness.
 
I would strongly support the previous suggestions that you raise your current level of despair with your T. You don't need to be suffering like this, and asking for help with this depression is the first step to making it stop.

I know that you won't believe me, but I'm going to say it anyway because it's true: there is a life with happy times ahead for you. Your suffering is real, but your soul and your happiness are not dependent on your face, or how you look. You will not be the first person to suffer severe depression following disfigurement, and you will not be the first person to reclaim their happiness and identity following disfigurement.

Don't give up. Please ask your T for help.
 
I don't want to post a picture of my scar because I am ashamed, but I will tell you that it's much worse than Tina Fey's scar. I'm not as bad as Katie piper, but if I was you would all be telling me the same thing- that I need to get over it. But i am telling you that I can't. I have tried and I can't. I am not Tina Fey and I am not Katie Piper. So I am trying to get by living a reclusive and sad lifestyle until my time is up. All suffering will end one day. I keep telling myself this. I will be dead one day and the pain will be over.
 
The one thing that I think we can all agree on is that with ptsd, in any form, you can't just "get over it". I haven't heard anyone say that, or suggest it.

Same deal with depression. You can't just "get over it". Again, I don't hear anyone here saying that.

What I do hear people saying though, is you are suffering more than you need to, and you are not expected to be able to recover from this without help. So again, please, let your T know exactly how deep your despair is for you at the moment. You do not need to be suffering this much. And you don't need to be anybody's hero - but you don't need to resign yourself to life as a recluse either. There is a happier future for you if you ask for help to get through this.
 
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