Wake Up Call

[Snowflake]

i was reminded yesterday by someone that if I am in therapy to get my inner child's needs met then I should quit. Because no one can meet inner child needs but me! This hurt-it's not fair!

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I tend not to listen to such things... Works well for me and my inner child ;)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

This is the sort of info that I can recognize to be true, but I really, really don't like.

It isn't fair. It isn't fair at all.

 

[Crow]

What @Cj77 said. Healthy support is never a negative and I find therapy helps me to learn how to reparent myself. I definitely had a lack of examples growing up on what constitutes good parenting. (and this has been the most intense/challenging work in therapy). Difference between existing and thriving.

 

[Lotis]

@Link Removed Whoever "reminded" you is wrong. Therapy is there for what you want it to be there for. If someone is incapable of meeting your needs then you go and find someone else. There are therapists who believe that the inner child is MOST important to healing and one of their main focal points for therapists is the inner child. You learning to love and nurture your inner child is so important and how else will you learn how to do that if not in and through therapy? Perhaps whoever reminded you has a different belief about the inner child work BUT it isn't about them it is about you and what you need.

Please note *** I am having a pretty shitty day so I apologize now if I sound angry.

 

[EveHarrington]

Who told you this?

Doesn't sound right to me!

Was that exactly as they stated it?

Because one goes to therapy to learn how to give the inner child what they want------so maybe it's not direct, but the therapist gives you the tools that you can use to give your inner child what they need.

And even if it wasn't a chain thing, but your inner child getting something directly from therapy-------I think most people here (and elsewhere in the world of therapy) think that a bond with a therapist is essential-----why would this bond be essential if one wasn't trying to meet the needs of an inner child? The inner child is the one who needs to learn about healthy attachment.

 

[Snowflake]

Who told you this?

Doesn't sound right to me!

Was that exactly as they stated it?

Because one...

It's my fault. I want someone to love me, take care of me. I find a therapist who's nice, sweet like a mom could be-is it projection ????? But I can be the only one that can take care of me-the only one who can take care of inner child needs. My therapist can't. It hurts, it's not fair that I got screwed out of a childhood and am left to give my inner child what I never was suppose to get. Confusing I know

 

[Deleted member 12723]

For so many wasted years of my adult life I wanted someone to rescue me so I was the victim, bad place to be for me.

Learning what I really needed and wanted took time, getting rid of victim thinking took time and effort on my part. Now I am no longer the victim unless someone victimizes me, yet I am in the process of maturing into a adult who can finally learn how to be my own rescuer from now on.

So it comes down to a wake up call, play victim the rest of your life or start learning what you need and want and do and do not like and self care and self comfort and self nurturing and no more allowing the harsh and cruel inner abusers to call the shots anymore.

 

[Snowflake]

For so many wasted years of my adult life I wanted someone to rescue me so I was the victim, bad place to...

Yep that's it-

 

[Crow]

So I just recently moved passed wanting someone to rescue me. Like this weekend recently. But it's been a slow, gradual shift. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone to take care of everything. We did not have that as children. We survived by throwing that incredibly reasonable and important need away. That leaves a huge gaping wound. Some can heal up quickly. For me it has taken decades. And yes, my therapist and a few others have acted as surrogate mothers in my mind. When I started talking about my anger and disappointment that T would not / could not fulfill my child's wants and needs, that's when I started to step towards caring for mysellf. It's hard. It's painful. It's not fair. But we all have that capacity including you. So f*ck it if you need to lean on fantasy a little. You'll get to a point where you can deal with caring for yourself without the anger & resentment and draining energy. For some of us, it's not an automatic shift. Takes time.

 

[joeylittle]

This is why I just don't conceive of myself having an inner child. I am one person, one self, those things didn't happen to 'that (little) girl', they happened to me.

It's never helped me to separate myself into two categories. The past doesn't get undone. The present is what changes, including my present perspective on and relationship to my past.

I know that others find the inner child concept useful, and I respect that people with more advanced dissociation issues (structural-type or DID-type) have to wrangle their insides differently.

But in my opinion, far more people actually worsen their PTSD by introducing this actualization of the inner child.

I suspect a decent percentage of people talk themselves into having structural dissociation or DID challenges, when they may not have had them to begin with. (Not you, specifically, @Snowflake - this is just my observation, take it if it's useful, leave it if not).

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to believe in an inner child but that has never worked for me. I too am just one person and I am doing far better than dealing with the concept of the inner child. If I run amok, it is me and not my inner child.

I understand the parts and fragmentation of DID and so forth and this is not directed to them at all.