Doubting New Therapist

[Broken Dahlia]

Hello everyone, just a couple of things about my new therapist that are bothering me. We are starting EMDR next week and I have some reservations about delving into the trauma with her. The last two sessions she accidentally double-booked her clients, and while I can overlook a little flakiness, I'm not sure about the comment she made. She saw two clients waiting and said "oh, I did it again, I could just shoot myself. That's not what you are supposed to say in a situation like this,." So she said it, even though she knew better than to say it. I haven't even talked about the boyfriend who shot himself in the head freshman year.

On Thursday I couldn't stop crying and so I called her at the end of the day. We spoke for twenty minutes and it wasn't very helpful. She said she hoped that someday I could learn to contain these situations so that they didn't ruin my whole day, I asked what I could do in the meantime since I obviously have yet to learn that skill. She told me to "Let it go." I mean, if I could I would. It just sounded a little too simplistic, the kind of "advice" I could get from anyone. It felt dismissive and I'm worried about starting the trauma processing now. I'm not sure if I can trust her to support me between sessions and I don't feel like fifty minutes once a week will be enough time to adequately address my current situation and process my past. Should I trust the process instead? I just don't want to be left alone to deal with more symptoms, more problems than I already have. Thank you.

 

[ladee]

The only suggestion I have is to follow your gut, if it feels wrong,if you don't feel supported, then possibly another T would be in your best interest. It hard to find a good fit with a T, but you are worth it.. so do what feels right for you. And classically we try not to follow our feelings, but in this case, please take your time before starting EMDR with her.Maybe more trust needs to be established first. And I would suggest you talk with her about this... She needs to know how you feel about this. I wish you well in what ever you choose to do.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

What @ladee said :tup:

 

[Broken Dahlia]

The only suggestion I have is to follow your gut, if it feels wrong,if you don't feel supported, then pos...

Thanks @ladee. I just felt like she left me hanging. My old therapist gave more concrete support and seemed to be more professional; I don't mean to compare but it is hard not to. I wish new T would have taken some accountability in regards to the scheduling mixup, she blamed someone who worked on her computer for it. I don't want to talk to her about her, you know?

And here is what I just realized I am worried about- I wonder if she is just as messed up as I am, only older and with a few letters after her name. She doesn't have the qualities I am looking for, I just can't trust her yet. I am trying to force it.

 

[scout86]

I wonder if she is just as messed up as I am, only older and with a few letters after her name.

Same thought crossed my mind.

I'm usually really slow to suggest "maybe you need a different T". But...... "I could shoot myself" is a figure of speech. Kind of..... I suppose there are some people who use it totally without thinking. I'd be more inclined to think they meant it on some level. And a THERAPIST using that expression? That would worry me. If it was me? I think I'd hold off on starting EMDR. That's kind of scary territory to begin with. You want to make sure the person you're dealing with really does know what they're doing. And there are a LOT of people who go into the mental health field looking for solutions to their own problems.

 

[ladee]

Then it's a good possibility she simply is not the T for you. I know it is a hassle trying to find a T that meets your needs , but it is our lives we are talking about here... and if you don't feel she is being what you need, then please start looking for a new one.. wishing you luck to find who you need and who will help you on this journey. It's hard enough with out having a T we don't trust...
And I feel that because you did reach out with your indecision about this, makes me think you needed to be validated on how you are feeling with her... That's a great thing to do... like the old saying, 'when in doubt, don't'...
But do want to share that it is perfectly ok to talk to her about her.... You are paying her for her services.. if a plumber came in and said or did the same things , you would say something... it is uncomfortable to talk to our T's about something we are not happy with or have concerns about when it's about them... but sometimes that is the only way we know if they are being receptive to our needs... So is it your fear of speaking with her, or is she simply unapproachable?
This is a serious therapy you are about to start... you need support and knowing she is there if you need her, and her not saying... let it go.. well hell, if it was that easy, none of us would need therapy...Good luck with what ever you decide.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

Same thought crossed my mind.

I'm usually really slow to suggest "maybe you need a different T". But.....

Thank you, @scout86. I have thought about going back to school and becoming a counselor myself. It makes sense, I have the background. It would also be a really bad idea-I think I would ultimately be helping myself much more than anyone else. Heal thyself, right? I don't want a therapist who is only a therapist because they didn't know how else to make sense of their life.

Wow, I can't believe how much I have changed. A couple of years ago I would have rejected anyone who hadn't been through it, like me. Now I don't care what they have lived through, how old or wise they seem- I just want someone really healthy. My physical therapist seems to have more of this quality than she does- I feel trust like I rarely do and even though it is scary I don't feel as if that trust is misplaced. I feel it, I am not forcing it.

 

[Riot]

As horrible as it was for her to say that, I can't help but wonder if maybe it was part of some exposure method, or some sort of test? I think it's worth bringing it up with her, though.

 

[hodge]

My feeling is that if you have to force it, it's not good. You shouldn't have to force feeling trust in a therapist. That reminds me of what I've always had to do re my mother. Not good. Trust your gut. My guess is that it's been well developed, as so many of our guts are.

I hope you live in an area with more choices. Certainly talk to her about this if you feel able to. But, ultimately, as difficult as it is, if I were you I'd keep an open mind about looking for another therapist, especially one to do EMDR with. But even just one to do other therapies with. It's important to be able to trust your T. Good luck.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm more concerned by the "let it go" comment as it shows a basic misunderstanding of PTSD. Someone with her level of education should know that not being able to just let it go is kind of what PTSD is all about. If you can't trust someone to even understand the first thing about PTSD, I wouldn't hold out hope for anything else.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

I'm more concerned by the "let it go" comment as it shows a basic misunderstanding of PTSD. Someo...

Yes, I could have gotten that advice for free-people have told me to let things go my whole life. It is too close to "get over it" for me.

 

[Sideways]

Trusting your T is a tricky one. How long have you been seeing this T? Maybe I'm a bad example, but with my current T, I was seeing him twice weekly for a year before I could get through a whole appointment without getting out of my chair and pacing round the room because he'd make me so mad with some of his comments.

Trust doesn't come quickly just because they're a T. Is it possible that part of your head might be a bit anxious about starting EMDR and this is a way out? (Genuine question). Maybe put off the EMDR a little longer and see if the relationship improves?