Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[KeepingTime]

Yes you are being brave! And I agree with Ladee that the kids will be blessed to have you work with them...and I'm sure it will be a blessing to you as well.
So let's change gears...back to your original post. How are you feeling about talking about the abuse? Can you walk yourself through questions that you think she may ask? You can practice on us here if you want. Just a thought. :)

 

[digger]

I've realised what has riled me so much about this. It is that being a victim of abuse is being put in the same category as things like drug use and breaking the law.

Being abused should not be something that you should ever have to 'declare' or 'confess' to. It was something done to you. Not something you did. Not something you chose to engage in. Not something you should be held accountable for. That's what this feels like to me.

And yes, it is brave of you to choose to talk about your abuse @SheilaKathy, but it should be a choice and this doesn't feel like it is. And I just would like you to know that it would also be brave of a person to take the stand of refusing to answer on the grounds that they have no right to ask the question and if you did choose to do that, that would be okay too.

 

[Friday]

Agree with @Ragdoll Circus, this is one of the ways that churches are trying to combat the endemic of sexual abuse, and one might be really surprised how many people do both tell the truth about being abused and then are either the 1:8 or the far more common "It was all my fault" or "God was punishing me for not obeying my parents" etc... Which is almost -if not more- dangerous thing to be teaching kids.

There's also the gross overreaction that a lot of CSA survivors have to normal childhood behavior. It's not just the casual "Johnny hands out of your pants." Or "Susie, those are private parts." That all early childhood education teachers have tripping off their lips on a daily basis... But Defcon 1 seriously traumatizing kids by overreacting who are just being totally developmentally normal. And that's just one of dozens of examples of ways that a lot of people struggle. From potty training to playground kisses to first dates, there are just a whole lot of areas that people struggle with.

It's the same stance that was taken about 40 years ago for DV victims working with kids in churches. It took about a generation, (I stopped seeing those Qs on church-childcare forms about a decade ago) but overall church-culture changed enough that DV self blame & overreactions have both become understood to unacceptable / if you're still in a place where you're teaching children to blame themselves or takin your shit out on them it's an immediate no-go.

Also strongly agree this shouldn't be a details-of-abuse-voyeurism jaunt... But far more a "How are you doing & what are your beliefs & attitudes surrounding CSA? What would you do if you suspect a child is being abused? Etc."

 

[digger]

what are your beliefs & attitudes surrounding CSA? What would you do if you suspect a child is being abused? Etc."

But shouldn't these be questions for all applicants, why single out those who have been abused?

gross overreaction that a lot of CSA survivors have to normal childhood behavior

The same overreactions can often be seen in those have not been abused, again, why not make it about education and training across the board rather than single out people who have been abused?

It's not that I don't think the church should be showing caution in who they allow to work with children, but I wonder how many are being missed because they don't fall within this focus group - hence advocating for screening and training of all regardless.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sheila I feel really good about the church being so cautious because far too many churches turn a blind eye and do not bother to check at all. i think you will do well on the questions and a great experience for you and the kids. Good for you.

 

[Forgetful]

I agree with the suggestions above. Grounding and meditation prior then letting her know that its a touchy subject and would like to keep to the basics. I'm pretty sure she'd be more interested in knowing if/how it still effects you.

I went through something similar a few years ago (also for VBS). The pastor knew about my PTSD and just needed to know where it would be best to place me. I only had this meeting the first year (I volunteered for 10)

I hope you have a good time at VBS. It is wonderful and can help healing to volunteer. I really enjoyed it each year even though I had to battle my anxiety every time

 

[sonicwhite]

No, I never gone through anything like that, but may God bless you because you will be able to babysit or work at Bible vacation School. Have faith, believe and desire it to be pure. God gives us the desires of our heart.


Without Jesus we would be so lost...

Thank you Righteous Father for sending your one and only Son to save us from the heat of the sun.

 

[RussH]

As a former Pastor, and one who is in ministry, I don't agree with the churches stipulation that a victim of SCA should have to disclose they are a victim, and certainly should not have to talk about it. Why should you? Are they concern that because you were a victim that you will potentially be an abuser?

Will they deny you the opportunity to minister to children if the SCA reaches a certain criteria? I am sorry, but I just don't agree with the church subjecting you to this. I am glad, for your sake, that your Pastor is a female.

I do think anyone involved in any kind of sexual abuse, as an abuser should have to disclose it, and disclose the details, but not a victim.

 

[sonicwhite]

Jesus stated that the poor need to be up front with the rich. The first will be last and last will be first.

 

[RussH]

Jesus stated that the poor need to be up front with the rich.

Where does Jesus say this?

 

[sonicwhite]

In His talking I'll look it up.



James teaches us about such matters in James 2:1-13.

1 My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. 2 For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, 3 and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," 4 have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? 5 Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? 7 Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called? 8 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you do well; 9 but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10 For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. 11 For He who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder." Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. 12 So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. 13 For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

 

[sonicwhite]

Jesus by the Holy Spirit sharpens James to tell it like it is.



But yes thank you for correcting me. It was James that said that.



As in the days of Noah.

There almost done building the Ark of Noah


The bible says the end of an age is near. When you see these signs lift your head up because you redemption draws near.