Is There A Way To Unfreeze The Freeze Response?

[Bird33]

I was sexually abused when I was a child and have had several assaults later in life so eventually I just gave up fighting. It wasn’t really a choice, so much as it was a reaction; it was like my body and mind would just freeze up, like I couldn’t even move, or think, or speak sometimes.

When I see him now , I feel like I can’t breathe, can’t move, can’t think, can’t speak. I am like that little kid who still can’t fight, can’t get away, so I just freeze, mentally check out. I get so scared when I do see him, so frozen, that I feel helpless to stop him.

I think this used to help me before but not anymore. So how can you break that freeze response? I have tried but once it starts there seems to be nothing I can do and I get so frustrated with myself.

 

[EveHarrington]

Is it imperative to still have contact with your abuser?

:hug:

 

[Teasel]

The only tip I know of myself that can sometimes help, is to move. Sounds so dumb but moving breaks being frozen.
One of those things that's one hell of a lot easier said than done tho eh.

But when I was reading about this the example given said try to move just your little finger to break the freeze. And occasionally it's helped a bit

Hope you find the answers that help you

 

[Teasel]

I think it's like training a muscle - the more you practise something the more likely you can do it

 

[Bird33]

@EveHarrington I stay away from him but he will run into me or come by when I am out jogging or something. He lives in the same town.

@Berlinda I will definitely try that. Thank you.

 

[Friday]

The fastest way I know of is to substitute responses. AKA trigger fight or flight. Those 3 responses are already right next to neutral in the gear shift. It doesn't take much to jam the stick hard into one of those other gears. Comparatively. Doesn't mean it's easy. Just easier than training an entirely different set of responses.

The best way I know is to train a different response. That takes a whole helluva lot. Both in time and training and practical application. Think major skills. Physical may be martial arts. Mental may be debate/discourse. Emotional may be grounding. Whatever avenues you choose to train in body/mind/heart, be smart in picking healthy knee jerk reactions, because what you practice you will become.

Personally, I insist in training all 3, because I never know which skill-set I'm going to need (physical, mental, emotional), but which of the 3 I start with doesn't really matter. In part because no matter what knee-jerk response I start to train, it will have aspects of the other two. So I pick whatever is my weakest / I usually play to my weaknesses to hold my strengths in reserve. As I get stronger in one area? I start focusing on another. It's a long process of literally rebuilding how I think/act/feel in any given situation. Role models help. If you've ever seen someone respond BAM! That's what I wish I could do!!!...? Figure out what they're doing and start emulating them / training yourself / finding your own balance.

((Word to the wise; a fast way to rack up a lot of regret is to simply copy someone without importing your own limits & morality. Don't just copy them. Find what you like in what they do and make it your own. Because other people will have different limits; will go further or not as far as you would choose, if you make it a choice, instead of straight up copying.))

 

[Bird33]

@FridayJones thank you for your ideas.
That is a good idea to train other skill sets. I have been trying to change my response but if he comes around he is usually very angry and loud. As soon as I see him my heart starts to race and I freeze. I can't think at all. My therapist says that once it starts it is hard to stop.

I wish I could stand up to him but it has been going on for so long. I watch in amazement when someone stands up or fights back. I usually get quiet.

 

[Teasel]

Oh, and another thing that might be worth a read is Pete Walker's 13 steps for flashbacks.... I know you're noit describing a flashback but I find reading these steps helps after freeze responses too (I have the headings saved on my phone)

 

[Bird33]

@Berlinda thank you I just looked the 13 steps up and yes that should be helpful. I am willing to try anything to stop the same patterns.

 

[anthony]

So how can you break that freeze response?

Breaking freeze is actually one of the easiest ones to change, fight and flight are often the hardest.

Freeze is actually done best by substituting fight or flight into its place. For example, military is trained repetitiously to remove freeze through various techniques, the sum total of which equate to confidence.

Because your specific freeze response is related to abuse, and you see one of your abusers, the fastest way for you to remove that response would be to take up self-defence classes, specifically hand to hand combat type classes, where you quickly learn to defend yourself in real life attacks, enough to disable the person long enough for you to flight or for someone to hear screams for help and come towards you.

Personally, I disagree with moving or such, that will not change the response, that is avoidance. You need to empower yourself to be confident that you can disable your past attacker if needed, and that comes from confidently knowing you could do so by learning such technique.

Martial arts, boxing, so forth, all wonderful for fitness and fighting within controlled environments, but real world fighting where you're a female with a male coming at you (weight and muscle are often quite different), you need to know when up close with them how to quickly disable them. Hand to hand combat style classes are full of women taking control of themselves. Most males don't want to keep going when they can't breathe or have been hit in the nuts so hard it cripples them to the ground.

This puts more focus on fight and flight to change freeze. That is how you change it.

 

[Bird33]

@anthony thank you that makes a lot of sense. I am a huge fitness buff and I run everyday. Taking a class would really make me anxious but I have been thinking about it for a while. Maybe it is time.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't want to distract from this thread, hope it's ok to ask @anthony a related question? What if someone has back/ neck/ hip/ shoulder damage? Neither fight nor flight (though that's easier with adrenaline) is as possible. I would imagine there would be techniques, like punch or bite (groin), vs kick. Also, related, in learning/ classes I have a problem with people coming near my neck.. I suppose re-frame it & suck it up, for a better purpose?

Thank you @anthony , & @Bird33 for letting me interject.

PS, I am petite, so the latter would be easier, but problematic if they grab me by the abkles.