Should I Mention This To My Therapist?

[Superpajamagirl]

Hi,
So I have a question. My periods remind me of my rape when I was three. I want to tell my therapist and and work on some coping skills I can use when aunt flow comes for the month. But the problem is my therapist is a male, and I'm afraid he won't want me to talk about this with him. And I don't want to mention this to him during our therapy session and he tells me that like too much information or something. Whenever I have my menstraution I am all terrified and have flashbacks of when I was first raped when I was three. I want to learn how to work on it so I can deal with it without having to be reminded everytime of my abuse. So
should I even mention this to him or should I keep this to myself?

 

[WillyKat]

Ordinarily, I would say to tell him. If he's professional and knows his business, he'll react appropriately. My only hesitation relates to how you feel about him in general. Are you otherwise making progress? Do you trust him with other personal issues?

The professional way to handle this is to say that this is a trigger for you. If there were a catalog of all the things that trigger people with PTSD, I think this one would be somewhat common. So if he's good, he will either know of a way to handle this with you right away, or he'll do some homework before your next session and have something then.

In general, the goal should be to feel open about everything with your therapist. You should never have to feel like anything is out of bounds.

 

[hodge]

Yes, what WillyKat said. You should be able to tell anything to your therapist, and if you feel you can't, maybe it would be good to ask for a woman therapist? I know I've always had a woman therapist because I just felt more comfortable with that. This is an issue that will go on and on, unless you can find a way to work on it with a professional's help. You definitely do not want to go for decades experiencing this every month. I am so sorry for what you've been through.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So
should I even mention this to him or should I keep this to myself?

This, in my opinion, should be based on your trust of him. Obviously, we are all adults here but there is hesitation there and that hesitation comes from somewhere. If its simple embarrassment, then i say find a way to tell him but if its more than that then i agree, how far are you guys along and how much do you trust him. Has he had information like this before?

My therapist is male too and i usually say something like "i want to tell you something but im embarrased" and he usually paves the way to tell him. We got to a point where he was asking about gyn appointments (i never go and he was/is worried about that and he referred me to my MD in which i could then talk that male MD into doing a gyn exam though they dont do them there), but a ton of trust had to be built first before i would or could ever 'go there'.

Anyway, its all in why there is hesitation, in my opinion. If its because you arent that far along and dont trust him enough yet then maybe wait a bit until you trust him more. If its just because its embarrasing, go on and tell him that. But you must trust you gut if you will.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes to say, my period is a trigger of my rape at 3 years old & results in flashbacks every month, what can I do?, is a fair question. But not if you don't feel like he'd understand, or would judge, or something else derogatory. Tbh, I don't think he'd necessarily 'get it'.

I'm sorry what happened to you also. :(

 

[WillyKat]

For the record, I'm a man, but having been raped by an older boy when I was six has made it difficult for me to trust men. Well hell, women too but not as bad. Moreover, I've had two male therapists. One was pure crap; the other was only a bit better. Since then, I've stuck with women.

 

[Superpajamagirl]

Thanks for the advice guys!! There's a lot of trust between him and me it's just me being embarrassed. I've told him bits of my female appointments, he's been very nice about it and sensitive I do trust him it's just me being embarrassed and afraid of rejection of what's ok to talk about and what's not ok to talk about. I have told him about the rape but I didn't want to go into detail because out of embarrassment. I really do appreciate your guys thoughts and advice. Now I know it's ok to talk to him about it, thanks guys!!

 

[EveHarrington]

Has he ever blurted out "TMI!" to you before, or anything similar?

 

[Superpajamagirl]

Has he ever blurted out "TMI!" to you before, or anything similar?

No not yet, he said he would let me know if i do but so far not yet.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that you should talk to him about it. The basic premise really isn't too much, that menstruation reminds you of your trauma. I think that this is a common struggle with CSA survivors-------period issues that is (although I never brought it up in therapy myself).

 

[Eagle3]

If you just can't bring yourself to take the plunge in session, could you possibly send him an email saying you have some "sensitive female things that need discussing but its embarrassing to bring this up in person without goading"? Emailing my T with things that need to be discussed next session keeps me from chickening out, and he's good at not letting me "forget". I'm female and have a male T, but we talk about some really intense sexual stuff because I need help in that area, and he's there to provide that help. They are, after all, professionals. Good luck, I know this is hard, but you can do it!

 

[joeylittle]

It helps me, when talking to my therapist about certain issues around my female-ness, that he's a hetero make with a wife and 2 kids. The wife part, because obviously he lives with a woman, and so can't be too clueless - and the kids part, because he was in the delivery room both times, so again...probably not clueless.

It's understandable, though, that you'd feel scared about bringing it up. You could always write it down instead.