Help

[Tivaj]

I am currently kinda with an army infantry gunner that has been on 2 deployments to Iraq. Yes he has ptsd. We have broken up twice and this time I am staying here cause I have no money. He says I am his best friend. Plus he has said his emtions are all over & he's angry. His family & himself have said he distances himself. He recently tried reconnecting with his oldest daughter but it turned out bad. He is missing his little girl. He also made friends with a younger military guy that drinks alot. After one night of drinking with them he came home & said he couldn't cuddle with me anymore cause it blurrs the friendship line for him. Yes we still share the same bed & up til then he would always hold me while he slept even though we were broken up. He has told me everytime he thinks he can have a relationship he finds out he still has more to address. He told me today that usually he hides himself or hangs out by himself on this date, but today he wanted to disappear on his bike just with me. This did make me feel good like there is still a chance for us. His family says he's going through something & to hang in there. They see he is going through an emtional roller coaster right now. If anyone can give me some pointers on if this is just him going through some ptsd issues do to all the stress he's been through lately or what I would greatly appreciate it.

 

[Bupo]

It's hard to say what all this could be. You'll never be able to know what's in his head.

All you can do is look out for your emotion well being.

If he says he cannot be in a relationship, can you accept that, or are you holding out hope?

Is sleeping in the same bed an expecting cuddles healthy for either of you?

Is he getting any kind of treatment?

 

[Upi]

I think the best thing that one can do in any relationship, and ESPECIALLY in a PTSD relationship is to maintain strong boundaries.

This means that if you're going to live with him, no cuddling, no kissing, no sleeping in the same bed.

Friends act like friends. This behavior is confusing to him.

 

[Tivaj]

I can completely understand. Yes I would like him back. Can anyone give me ideas of understanding the signs I myself was a fire fighter so I have my own demons. He is a wonderful guy just this time back he's been very unstable I think is a good word for it. He has change what job he wants to do after he gets out of college like 4 times. The only thing that has stayed the same is his want to get back to his little girl in Colorado. I know it sounds weird but I am just hoping i have a chance to get back with him. He is trying to get back on his meds. I haven't been pushing him for a relationship. Kinda figure that's got to be in him.

 

[Tivaj]

I think the best thing that one can do in any relationship, and ESPECIALLY in a PTSD relationship is to maintain strong bo...

Thankyou I have been pretty much just being there for him. Listening & trying to be a good friend to him. Hoping that when he comes out of this he will be the guy i met when I came back once again. I have been letting him make pretty much all the moves relationship wise. Just been being someone he could talk to. I know he is not himself cause usually if he has a drink @ the bar it was a tropical drink. He has never drank a Jaeger bomb @ the bar with me & lately he's been. I have stopped drinking pretty much altogether & as of yesterday he had only 3 jeager bombs. Compared to his whole weekend. He also does pot & was getting something else from that young vet. The young vets girlfriend sells other stuff. I know he has to figure this out somewhat on his own because he is pig headed. Or the veteran friends he hangs out with the good ones are busy this young one is who he is hanging with & yea I do see him as a bad influence on my guy but I can't tell him that.

 

[Tivaj]

It's hard to say what all this could be. You'll never be able to know what's in his head.

All you can do is look out fo...

Yes I am holding out hope but I am not pressuring him with my wants. I know he needs to somehow clear his head. My other question is you can't treat these guys like other guys you date right? I am doing my own school work & trying to find work & become more stable here in Florida. He's a good guy that's been through alot. Yes he is somewhat getting treatment. I wish he would focus a little more into it but again I can't be the one to force him to. The last thing I want is for him to turn it away altogether. The vet friend he is hanging out with right now in my oppion is not a good fit for him. He drinks every night, sells pot, & his girlfriend sells the white stuff. Don't get me wrong nice people just not a good fit for him right now.

 

[Tivaj]

I know it sounds crazy but I do want to be here for him. I know he's not in a good place. But I do care an awful lot about him. I just wish he would look up other vets that have more of an idea of what he is going through than just this one. Because this guy right now that he's been hanging with isn't in a good place either. He's a player my guy said in the new relationship this guy has he has already cheated on his girlfriend. Don't get me wrong the guy is a nice guy but he is in a bad place himself. So how is hanging with him going to help. Before we broke up the first time my guy really had his head somewhat together more so than he does now. This time he is all over the place. The only suggestion I gave him was to talk to one of his professors that his mom had told me @ times he would go & talk to. Unfortunately Dr. Miles has the summer off. Kinda hoping & praying that he will call him & set up a meeting with him.