Was I Wrong In This Situation??

[Sunny6]

Hi, wanted to ask a Q regarding something that happened recently.

I was on my laptop then my Mom called me to the living room and told me to play cars with my 3 year old brother. She was angry and said that I never took care of him and stayed in my room all day. (This was not true, I take him to the park and do puzzles with him and make him food but am limited to how much I can take care of him due to my mental health). Instead of staying quiet like I always do, I spoke back to her and said that I do take care of him. She asked me if I wanted to continue with that attitude so I said "yes" (I was angry) and she dove up from the couch and began hitting me in the arm. She pushed me into my room and told me to begin packing my stuff and to get out of her house. She ripped all of my art off the wall and told me I was not her daughter anymore. So I said fine and started to pack all my clothes then took my phone to call a friend to get me. By doing this, she kept trying to grab the phone from me and yelled "this is my phone, I bought it, get out of my house, etc " I yelled back that I would leave once I could call someone but she continued to try and pry it from my arms. I gave up and ran to get the home phone and she chased after me and did the same thing. We ended up on the floor with her on top of me trying to get the phone. I have a rug burn now from it. I was afraid of being suffocated and with my fear and anger I bit into her arm and tried to get her off me by pulling her hair. The phone dropped so I snuck it in my pants and told her fine and that I'm leaving so I left.

Was I wrong in this situation for biting/giving attitude to her in the first place? When I went to the homeless youth center the woman didn't seem to care. For some reason, my mom signed for me to come back home and once she came the woman made me sit down in front of her and said "do you have anything to say to your mother?" Also after telling the woman my story I forgot to tell her that I did bite and pull my mom's hair and when she found out from hearing my mom's side of the story she just said "you never told me that you bit your mom" with an accusing tone. When my mom came she joked around with her and smiled at her even after telling her that she has thrown things, used objects to hit, and is very rude to me. It felt like I was just being a brat teenager stuck in a victim mentality. It did not feel good. When I got home my mom made me apologize to her and clean up parts of the house. It feels awful knowing no one even cared or believe in me.

(Btw I'm 17)

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds to me like you were fighting back in self defense. If someone attacks us then yes, we do have a right to fight back so that we can survive/not be injured.

As for the attitude part------normal teenage reaction. Sounds like your mom doesn't know how to be a parent.

 

[Sunny6]

It sounds to me like you were fighting back in self defense. If someone attacks us then yes, we d...

ahh thank you for clarifying this with me, I was struggling with thinking I was a bad person for that since I am not usually violent and hate it when I remind myself of her

 

[Casey_03]

It sounds like your mom was trying to get a rise out of you with her initial comments, like she expected you to feel bad and immediately apologize. But when you didn't she went a bit nuts. Honestly, her behavior seems much more shocking to me than yours, and she sounds unstable. As for the biting, I don't think it's all that unusual for a teenager who's dealing with that sort of treatment from a parent. Should you have bitten her? No. But is it understandable why you did? Absolutely. She shouldn't have been physically assaulting you in the first place.

 

[sun seeker]

Your mother is not acting like a parent. Seems like she lacks self control, and she is supposed to be the one modeling that for you, not the other way around. Whether or not you behaved perfectly isn't the issue. There is no excuse for her to treat you like that, no matter what - nor for her to expose your little brother to that kind of behaviour, either. It sounds like she has some serious issues to sort out.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you get out of the house more often so that you don't have to be around her as much? It sounds like a bad living situation. :(

 

[Sunny6]

Your mother is not acting like a parent. Seems like she lacks self control, and she is supposed to...

thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. My therapist told my mom it would be good for her to get therapy after she threatened to send me to Switzerland with other family and blew up because I relapsed in self harm... she refused though and was offended by it so I don't think she will be receiving help

 

[Sunny6]

Can you get out of the house more often so that you don't have to be around her as much? It sound...

I have bad anxiety so it is hard for me to go out but yes I will try my best now to do this! It's hard without a car though I'm sure I'll figure something out. Thank you for your concern it means a lot

 

[sun seeker]

she refused though and was offended by it so I don't think she will be receiving help

And sadly, until she is ready there isn't much anyone can do. And, even if she were ready, it still wouldn't be your responsibility to fix her. It's sad that you don't have a mother you can look to as a role model. Is there anyone else in your life that can fill that role at least somewhat?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sounds to me like your mom needs serious help and if possible, and it isnt always at 17, Id stay gone. That is physical abuse on a minor and would be physical assult if you were 18 so either way, its assult and abuse and wrong.

I gave my mother a HUGE black eye once (though she now denies it). She was beating me closed fist on my back as I was curled into the fetal position. After a long time she ran out of steam and stopped; I saw red and had no control or idea of what I was doing for the first time and came up as she stopped and hit her straight in the eye and broke her glasses which cut her very close to her eye....then said "oh shit" and ran realizing what I had done. Though I still got punished. I was 14. Do I feel bad about it today at 35, not one damn bit!

 

[Sunny6]

And sadly, until she is ready there isn't much anyone can do. And, even if she were ready, it still...

Yes of course, I only wish there was more to do. I recognize a similar wounded child within her and I know that's is why she acts so defensive at times. Her emotional pain from all the trauma is taken out on others. It's hard to stay angry at her when I remember this. Fortunately I do have someone. She's not a mother, only 18, but she provides me with the validation and assurance I need on a constant basis to help keep my thoughts clear when my Mom does stuff like this. She let me stay within her house for the night and let me cry and held me. Having someone like her is helpful in not feeling alone. Otherwise without her, I don't know where I'd be.

 

[Sunny6]

Sounds to me like your mom needs serious help and if possible, and it isnt always at 17, Id s...

My goodness, I am so sorry that happened to you! Your mother sounds dreadful. I hope you were able to get away from her completely and not deal with that anymore. I am glad that you got to lay one on her and let out all that hurt... she deserved it for what she had done to her own child. Disgusting.