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You Know You Have PTSD When...

when you have an ok week. a plan to move forward. pain somewhat managed. and have been able to sleep through the night.

then your spouse wakes you from a partial sleep as he prepares for bed. Remnants of dream you were having trigger a flashback that feels like a full on complete experience after he turns lights off again and falls asleep.

the fear, crying, sensation of being dragged are all too real. feeling the need to scream yourself hoarse.

The most wonderful sound reaches the ears. a husbands snores to giude yourself back home to.
 
....you lay awake for hours wanting sleep, but avoiding sleep.
...your daydreams are as frightening as your nightmares.
...a quick movement beside you has you balling your fists.
...your phone ringing or vibrating in your hand cause you to throw it.
...someone starting to talk when it has been quiet startles you into jumping.
...you wake up in the morning with claw Matt's in your palms from clenching your fists in your sleep.
 
When you come to the point trauma distorts your idea of normal and you need safe people for pointers how to function with it, again.

But contrary to other ColdDark times of your life, you've learned a few things about warmth, so you hope to bounce back quicker, if God allows.
 
When people anywhere near your shelter remind you just how awake you can get from groggy states and of reflexes alike. Better than cold water.

Nevermind that. We're focusing on a text from a friend. We're focusing on allies, not punch worthiness of others. That world don't exist. My bright and somehow reliable one does.

(Don't break anything, nor kill anyone. Be the change you need to see in the world, and its good sides.)
 
When you drive up to your house.. see your neighbor outside... look him in the face getting out of the car,He raises his arm to wave, you scream, get back in your car... and poor guy has a look on his face like, what did I just do??? You bang your head on the steering wheel because you are so embarrassed, then realize how all this drama is looking to your neighbor.... you get out of the car,, wave to him , go in your house and go straight to bed, hoping you don't see the poor guy for a few days ...... or weeks..
 

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