New Friends

[ll927]

Hey guys, havent been here for a while, maybe cause ive been doing good, maybe cause im getting used to it. But today i have a question for you guys...

So i was housebound for a long time, i strayed away from everyone i know in this town and i guess my neighbors saw how much time i spend at home and they started inviting me to things and basically including me in their group. So now i have these new friends that dont know much about me. Now they are all away on holidays except for one. The one who reminds me very much of my abuser. Physically and mentally they have alot in common. Now this person has never even been hostile in my direction but i know and ive seen that he has the same rage my ex did. In similar ways, similar moments and hell, he even makes similar noises when hes angry.

So now that everyones gone and we hang out just the two of us... the similarities SCREAM.....im a tough cookie and i like to take the bull by its horns. I thought i could be a big person and be friends with him and maybe help him with his anger but this is becoming too much maybe.... what would you do? I kind feel like running but in reality hes always been nice and accepting toward me


Thank you everyone for listening

 

[EveHarrington]

Well, you don't need to be friends with someone just because they're nice and accepting of you.

Is this a friendship you enjoy or is it a way to conquer past trauma?

 

[ll927]

Well, you don't need to be friends with someone just because they're nice and accepting of you....

Thank you for your reply. Well yeah i was looking at this as a way to conquer and un-demonize certain characteristics. Like at first i found helpful that his little rages, even if they stressed me the f out, didnt end with my physical integrity being threatened.. know what i mean? I thought that maybe with neuroplasticity and all a friend like this would be helpful for me to know that not all angry people are gonna hurt me. And that maybe if i could tell him what that does to people he would maybe start breathing better and not being so explosive. And i was feeling good and proud about it until everyone else left. Now that its just us, its really like sitting next to my ex again and its freaking me out....

Should i tell him? Ive told him he reminds me of my ex, but he doesnt know that my ex is the reason i have ptsd or even that i have it at all...

 

[EveHarrington]

I personally wouldn't tell him. I think he'd likely take it personally as most people don't understand the nature of PTSD. Heck, I have PTSD myself and if someone told me they couldn't be friends with me because I remind them of their abuser, I'd be livid! I don't think there really is a way to spin that conversation in a way that isn't totally insulting. (But maybe that's just me.)

 

[ll927]

I personally wouldn't tell him. I think he'd likely take it personally as most people don't under...

Yeah youre right, silly thought.. any way i try to phrase it just seems insulting i guess..because id always be pointing out his flaws and thats not so nice lol i guess ill just avoid hanging out with him alone.. he has a girlfriend and im friends with her too so i dont feel like i actually have something to worry about, its just... this ducking disorder twists everything... also yesterday we were hanging out in my car and the radio was messed up wouldnt catch the stations properly.. just static and suddenly a voice comes through and just says fourth of september and goes back to static..im sure it was an ad but man sep4 is the day my life changed for the worst and i guess it triggered everything im feeling today.. had three nightmares tonight and hadnt had any in months.... i think maybe all these weird thoughts just mean i need a minute to myself...

Thank you so much

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug: