Talkative Cabbies And Feeling Like A Selfish Jerk

[Justmehere]

Yes, this is a real question that I need to brainstorm about. I feel stupid and like a social dolt.

I take a cab to an appointment every week. My insurance pays for it. One of 4 drivers who work with this insurance come from an ordinary yellow cab taxi service to take me every week.

Two of the drivers are awesome and I ask for them every time, but they only get assigns about half the trips. The other times, it's one of two extremely talkative drivers. It is non-stop with both of them, for 30-45 minutes. I'll get in the can and they will both start talking and not stop with story after story until I get out of the cab.

I have tried getting in the cab with headphones on and clearly absorbed in a book, but they both still talk and talk.

As an experiment, all I have said in reply is "uh huh" and "hmmm" about 7 times during the trip. I say nothing else.

And they just keep talking and taking.

They are both roommates with each other and sometimes I hear about all the roomie drama.

I haven't asked them not to talk so much, so there's no reason for them to know I find it to be a little exhausting.

But I do find it to be a bit exhausting. I'm not sure why. I like talking with friends, I can be quite talkative myself, but there's something about the fact that it's just someone telling random factoid after random story after each other where it doesn't really matter how I respond... This bugs me.

I'm not even sure I will say anything, because I'm not sure what could be said that wouldn't be a pain in the ass thing to say.

The cabbie world is small in my area, and thy all seem to know each other a but, so I also kinda don't want to be THAT client known amoung the other cabbies that was the person who complained about talking too much. One of the super talkers told me once that he really got discouraged with passengers who didn't want to talk during the trips. I don't want to be the selfish jerk of a passenger, and I figure hey, if they need to talk, they need to talk I guess.

I always have my service dog with me, because some cabbies are a little sketchy -- these two super talkative cabbies are really genuinely nice cabbies, and good drivers, who have been driving me for over a year.

But I'm still a little overwhelmed every time somehow. If it was just story after story after story, O think I'd be fine with that. One of the other cabbies and I have actual two way conversations. But these two, I could just be a robot who says "hmmm" every now and then and it wouldn't change the conversation at all.

Maybe I need to figure out how to make it a more two way dialogue? Maybe get to know them a little? I can handle this with others, this is just - I feel so socially inept trying to handle this. I'm kinda socially awkward in general, but I can usually manage small talk and etc and I have decent friends. These cabbies are just hard...

I want something to shift. They take me to a very triggery appointment every week and it kind of sets me up to walk into the appointment feeling like crap.

What would you do?

 

[Suzetig]

Honestly, I'd ask them not to talk to me. I'd likely frame it that I need to think about my appointment or have a headache etc but if ask them.

Sometimes I can cope ok with chatty cabbies but at other times I really don't want to talk, if that happens I'll just say to them. It's hard but if you need head space before your appointment it may be worth just setting a boundary with them.

 

[Powder]

I've dealt with this but also motor coach tour drivers for ten years. I got to know some of them and truly enjoyed their company on long trips. This is a specific culture with its own traditions.

Most of them talk a lot or are totally silent. The balanced types are great, but are often requested.

I found that by assertively and friendly introducing myself and asking them to do something for me, such as give me their cell or alerting them to something to look out for (parking at a certain place and a drop off at the door if raining) gave them a "job to do" in addition to just "driving." This helped. I also let them into my process a bit. Such as telling them I'm worried about the weather or wondering if they can be flexible on the return and let me text them 15 mins prior to departure.

It feeds their ego in a positive way, showing them you see them as a person with a brain, but also that you are in the position of control (client hiring them) and you have things to do. I carried a clipboard and was on my phone or looking at papers; sometimes I would give them a copy of our Excel spreadsheet schedule. I did this to show them I am the boss and they need to respect the boss in charge. I am not there to listen to their verbal hot air.

I am also a teacher. The trick is that it takes work to be this prepared but it really helps to OVERLOAD people a bit so that they are a little in AWE and not sure what to say to you. You may be terrified and stressed, but they get to see the confident, powerful side of you that says "I am organized."

Looking preoccupied doesn't work. You have to be in control of them, by asking them questions, assessing their ability to serve your needs (size them up) and then give them a request that will help them feel important to you/ or needed. I tend to treat them like my students, which has a way of helping.

Some will blow right past this. Most won't. If you are intimidatingly organized, nobody knows how to penetrate that. LOL

Then, you initiate, you put out your hand first if shaking hands, you ask them to do things. Most expect/like this kind of interaction. They are in the service industry and hope to get good recommends. They don't know what you want so you tell them and they should respond by doing it. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I don't want to be the selfish jerk of a passenger, and I figure hey, if they need to talk, they need to talk I guess.

I wonder if you could reframe this situation as instead of being unreasonable. I think you have valid reasons for the way you feel and I often find this kind of thing frustrating and annoying and having to go to therapy afterwards seems to be stressful for you.

I like what @Muse suggested and to empower yourself more. Keep on talking about this because I have found that as I talk I can realize things I would not have if I had remained silent. I know easier said than done, but I think getting some good feedback and support on this happening to you, will help you to find a solution that best works for you.

I think that they are without boundaries with you and taking advantage of your situation. I understand that you are limited to have to use them. I am glad you brought this up. I wish you the very best in sorting this one out to a more viable solution for you.