I Am Always f*cking Angry And I Give Up

[justanangrydude]

I am always f*cking angry. I've been dealing with this shit for 30 years of my life.

It eats me up inside that my wrongdoers have gotten away with it. I heard no apology. I don't see them repenting. I don't see them even trying to do the right thing.

I really, really want to see my wrongdoers suffer. That feels like the only cure, otherwise I spend my entire day ruminating over every incident and come up with scenarios in my head on how they should suffer. Yes, I think about it all day everyday. I really, really want them to suffer and I need to see it with my own eyes or else I feel like I can never find peace.

I hate that I've been taught to always do the "right" thing. Don't talk back. Avoid confrontation. Don't fight back. All of this always guarantee me going home pissed off.

I am sick of being obedient. I am sick of doing the right thing.

And you know what? It's not like I've a bad life. I feel bad for that. I wasn't sexually abused. It wasn't like I went to war and saw some crazy shit. It wasn't like I was beat by my parents.

I feel bad for being bad.

I am not writing here for solutions. I've given up long ago. I find that's the best solution for me. Trying to fight it just feels counter intuitive and ultimately useless since the anger would just come back anyway. This thing is in me and I accept that. f*ck solutions and all the cliched bullshit out there by all the pretentious self-helping assholes. Stop asking me to meditate. Stop asking me to count to ten. Stop asking me to simply "let it go."

You don't have to agree with any of this. I don't expect you to. Nobody ever takes my side anyway. Thanks mom for always being naggy. As far as I'm concerned, trying to please you has turned me into this angry asshole.

I just hope to know that I am not the only one.

 

[Juso]

I am always f*cking angry. I've been dealing with this shit for 30 years of my life.

It eats me up inside tha...

Nope. You are not the only one. There's nothing wrong with being pissed off, or having occasional pleasant daydreams about someone who has destroyed your peace of mind suffering horrible fates. I think it helps tremendously to remove the people that make you feel this way from your life, at the very least try to reduce it to minimal contact and if you think thats not possible, just make it a mission to find a plan for geographically escaping them some day. If the actual person is already gone, then people that remind you of it in negative ways are still around, and they need to go.

 

[Adar]

** first time ive seen an anonynous post not some goofy name **

I know the feeling as i spent years wanting everyone to hurt as bad as me, as i feel this is sort of the same thing.

My abusers never admitted it, got away with it, and my entire dirvorced side of the family gathered around them as saints and some "wise people" and "perfect people" and both died that way and ive always been the crazy liar, the insane one, the "living in a fantasy world" one and now the "evil one" for not going at the feet of my mother's (abuser's) deathbed and kiss her feet or something.

There's a point that you have accept this is how it is, they wont pay for it, but you will heal regardless. The best pay back is healing, living a good life and not giving them what they tried to take, control, your soul, you name it.

I know how it feels and im sorry you are going through this! :hug:s

 

[justanangrydude]

T

Nope. You are not the only one. There's nothing wrong with being pissed off, or having occasional pleasant daydreams abo...

Thanks.

But mine isn't occasional. I think of angry shit EVERYDAY. I end up breaking shit around the house more often than I like.

 

[justanangrydude]

** first time ive seen an anonynous post not some goofy name **

I know the feeling as i spent years wanting everyone to...

Thank you.

I know! I mean... I am a smart guy. The solution is always easy to learn.

But it's just too f*cking hard to let shit go.

I am obsessed with wanting to see my wrongdoers die, or at the very least suffer a bloody nose.

I can't man. I just can't anymore. The answers are all there, but I still feel angry anyway.

 

[Ufot]

I think of angry shit EVERYDAY. I end up breaking shit around the house more often than I like.

Have you tried to stop before you get there and do some deep breathing, thinking of metaphors, other things that help?

I use an app called What's Up and its great.

If its that bad, maybe anger management?

There's things that can help, I promise! :hug:

 

[justanangrydude]

Have you tried to stop before you get there and do some deep breathing, thinking of metaphors, other things that help?

I...

I've tried a bunch of things, but what's the point? I will get angry again. Someone will piss me off again.

Please, at this point, don't tell me that my emotions are my responsibility. I already know that.

 

[Opan]

I can't man. I just can't anymore.

I learned in therapy that The Little Engine That Could is HUGE. You are handicapping yourself with "I cant" YOU CAN!

 

[justanangrydude]

I learned in therapy that The Little Engine That Could is HUGE. You are handicapping yourself with "I cant" YOU CAN![/...

I know that I am and I frankly don't give a shit anymore. Trying is just going to piss me off even further.

 

[Cune]

If your anger is really physical feeling, it can be something similar to people with extreme anxiety. For some reason your neurotransmitters are stuck on a loop and sending high voltage repetitive signals to the part of your brain that reacts to anger.

Okay, yeah, ideally your going to want to get into breathing exercise and CBT is good, but in the mean time, sedatives are a good idea. You're going to have to figure out how to not let this happen to yourself in such an extreme way, but until you do that you deserve a way to get relief from it so you dont feel like a hostage of rage.

 

[Udi]

I know that I am and I frankly don't give a shit anymore. Trying is just going to piss me off even further.

Then im not sure what else to advise. You cant, you wont, you dont care.

What are you looking for here in this thread as im not very confused.

 

[Urorur]

not very confused.

Now* very confused