My Frustration

[crashmoon]

My suffering is real. What happened to me was real and awful and not okay.

I've told friends about the things my aunt has done to me, and they sit there and stare at me with a look of horror. They gasp and they ask, "Why hasn't anything been done?! Why doesn't your grandma realize how bad this is?"

So I tell them, "Well, my grandma excuses this behavior off as a result of her mental handicap." And the second they find out she's mentally handicapped the concern drops from their expression and they tell me that she doesn't know any better, that it actually isn't that big of a deal, and that I just need to deal with it.

I see the way she looks at me when she thinks no one is looking. I used to live next door to a child molester, and even his gazes didn't give me the kind of chills that hers do. She stares at me the second I leave my room, and because of that I keep myself locked in my room all day long. I have panic attacks when she simply speaks to me, don't even get me started on when she decides to come up behind me when I'm facing a table or a counter and lock me into a hug.

My therapist has even told me that she probably knows what she is doing. She knows how to manipulate her parents, and she knows the power she has over me.

No one takes my suffering seriously because she's mentally handicapped and harmless. No she's not. My suffering is real and valid and none of this should've happened, with or without mental handicaps.

 

[Stickler]

...Are you underage? Can you report this to someone outside the family?

Can you file assault charges?

You know what? She DOES know better. Why? She ONLY does it when no one else is watching. She ONLY does it to you.

If she did not know better she would lash out at anyone and in front of anyone.

Can you video record her surreptitiously?

 

[crashmoon]

Stickler, I am sobbing at your reply. Thank you for believing me, thank you for understanding this isn't acceptable, thank you thank you thank you.
I was underage when the physical abuse happened and when she attempted to assault me.
However, my grandparents would never allow me to file, and because they're the only place I have to live right now I'm afraid to do anything at all to jeaprodize it. I doubt they'd throw me out into the cold, but when it comes to their daughters comfort and happiness versus mine there's never been a comparison. And even if I tried I'm afraid that they wouldn't take me seriously because I have no evidence of the incidents I'd be filing for.
Nowadays, the only things she does is stare at me and try to hug me, but I usually dodge away from her. Recently I would wake up to her watching me sleep in my doorway in the middle of the night, but I now keep my door locked 24/7.

 

[Stickler]

My suspicion is that she's jealous of you in the way a child would be.
A child can learn discretion about when they do things to people they resent.
She has that.

She needs consequences the way a child would receive consequences for hitting their sibling. It's totally wrong that she is coddled this way.

Edit:
Oop, just read your reply.
Can you apply to colleges, try to get away?

 

[crashmoon]

I'm redoing a semester of high school right now, and on top of that I have a spinal disease that is no where near under control and I don't know if I'd want to move out until I know how to manage it better :( so currently college isn't at the top of my list

 

[Stickler]

I'm redoing a semester of high school right now, and on top of that I have a spinal disease that is n...

Understood. :(
You might talk to Adult Protective Services in your state, see if they have anything to offer?

 

[crashmoon]

I think I'll talk with my therapist before making any calls, however it is something to look into!!

 

[joeylittle]

No one takes my suffering seriously because she's mentally handicapped and harmless.

What's the actual diagnosis for her? Does your grandfather know? (I expect your grandmother might not know, or care). Mentally handicapped means a lot of different things, and the kinds of developmental delays she has could be useful to understand in more detail. Whether or not her 'mental age' is pre- or post-puberty, and how her puberty was affected - this would give you some insight into the level of sexualization in her behavior. Adults with delays can be very dangerous, actually, especially if they aren't in the right kind of supervised environment where boundaries are established and enforced. That can be done in a really gentle and supportive way, but it sounds like your grandmother has taken gentle and supportive and morphed it into enabling and denial.

Also, does your aunt have to go to the doctor for periodic check-ups? (Even annual ones?) This might sound like the last thing you'd like to do, but you could consider either going to that appointment, or scheduling an appointment to talk with her doctor. I think, because you are immediate family and living in the household, it would not be too much paperwork (if any). That's why just going along to an appointment is easier, and speaking to the doctor (even in front of your grandmother/grandfather/aunt) about your aunts attacks on you - you could get some help from that corner.

Sorry, one last question - is your grandmother her legal guardian?

 

[crashmoon]

My aunts diagnosis is "mild mental handicaps and mild autism," I hope that helps answer your question.
And I'm not sure if she has annual checkups with her MD, however I know she sees a special Ed teacher from a local high school that helps her with her social skills. That's the closest thing that popped into my head.
And, yes I think so. My grandparents are both her guardians BUT if you can only have one legal guardian then it would be my grandpa not my grandma.
I hope I answered your questions well enough!!! No need to apologize :)

 

[joeylittle]

Would reaching out to the special Ed teacher be an option for you? Maybe thru can help, both in terms of how to handle the inappropriate behavior while it's happening, and perhaps educate your grandmother as well. Just a thought.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My suffering is real. What happened to me was real and awful and not okay.

You should not have to live with that abusive relative, I have an abusive father who would have loved nothing more than to get me into that same situation.

 

[crashmoon]

Joey, I'm not sure if that would be an option. As much as my grandpa is "on my side" it's only to an extent. He gleefully tells me that she's bought me something from the store because she was "thinking about you, like she always does." Gives me chills. Also, they both state repeatedly that there's no reason to get anyone else involved. I'm trapped.