A Long Time In Therapy And Not Even Scratching The Surface

[Deleted member 36028]

So i have been in therapy for about 10/11 months and i feel like i am just not opening up. I have thought about why and it is in part i feel the therapist is not very relatable. But then this is thw most i have shared and i dont want to go through the opening up thing again. It takes me ages and they at least have context. Is this typical? The length of time? In many ways i feel comfortable with them. They are patient and prodding just to the right amount. But they are doing all the work and i am just answering questions. Its tough for me and i am not sure i can do it, but i am at the point in my life now that i cant move forward in other areas of my life without confronting this! Expressing myself is tough at the best of times.

 

[anthony]

A therapist is limited to what you give them to work with. If you don't share, then the duration is really your doing, not the therapists. You lead your healing, not your therapist. If you aren't comfortable in sharing, then that is your right... but at the same time, you can't place your healing speed with your therapist, when you admit you aren't sharing.

You have a choice to make, in essence, and maybe that is why you're telling us this here, in that you know you have to make it, and just need a prod?

The choice is whether you stay with your therapist OR you put yourself out there and risk sharing everything you've been holding back?

So... what do you have to lose by just being totally honest with your therapist within a confidential environment? What you say goes no further than them.

 

[Deleted member 36028]

Interesting. At no point did i feel i was blaming my therapist. Maybe in ths relatable bit. But thats not blame. I actually feel like they are doing a good job considering. My post was aimed at expressing frustration at not being able to share and the length to which i have been in therapy unable to open up.

 

[Suzetig]

But they are doing all the work and i am just answering questions.

What do you want them to do differently, I'm thinking they might be aware they're working hard to keep you engaged and be scared of backing off in case they spook you and you become even more withdrawn. It can take a while to develop a good, strong relationship but your struggle to be open will prolong things and ultimately your therapy is up to you.

If there's a way your therapist could help you to talk, tell them. If you feel inhibited tell them that too, if you are frustrated with the pace of the work, talk to them about it (are you seeing a theme here...?). Basically you need to decide whether to take the risk of opening up or not, your T isn't your friend so how relatable they need to be is open to debate. Beware of looking for reasons "out there" to avoid doing what you know you need to do.

 

[anthony]

At no point did i feel i was blaming my therapist.

Interesting that that is what you took from my post as a response vs. you are the one hindering your therapy, and you have to make a choice.

 

[watundah]

It took me close to four years. She asked tons of questions along the way which I appreciated as many will sit in silence until you speak. Think about your past and what a huge obstacle trust has been on so many levels with so many different people. Now consider that you're going to a place where the objective is to share the most intimate thoughts and feelings. Pretty scary for folks who have been tragically hurt by others. At the beginning, my T allowed me to ask her any questions about herself (with the right of refusing to answer) so she wouldn't seem like the blank slate. I couldn't open up to a stranger.

Thinking of an agenda, emailing your concerns and feelings, taking in excerpts from self help books, keeping a journal, doing art therapy all provide things to talk about. I found being highly functional, I didn't have buckets of drama to discuss every week. Ultimately, we had to slowly (and I mean slowly) strip away my defenses and get to the core.

Have you asked for help in addressing this and what did they say? 10 months is not very long if your habits are decades old. Hang in there. It will get better.

 

[Eric Martin]

Nice. It's very interesting.

 

[EveHarrington]

So therapy is dependent upon your therapist asking the right questions?

 

[rosey]

Echoing @watundah 10 months would be early days. I have been in therapy for 4 years and only in the last month do i feel able to just talk. Take your time but dont be afraid let it all out.
If your instincts are telling you your therapist is not working out for you then go with that but having had a few i have finally learnt that my gut feeling is usually the right one. Attachment can make it hard to move on but sometimes best to.

Make a decision open up or move on. Also sometimes it can help to start over. Going over stuff again might help more than you think.

 

[Deleted member 36028]

Thanks for this. It was helpful to get some vaildation that its ok to find this difficult and the pace isnt completely unusual.

 

[Hammytime]

I just wanted to say I've been in therapy for 10 YEARS and I'm just now opening up. Don't be hard on yourself, it will come. I had to learn how to trust myself first, which I am working on through mindfulness and being kind to myself. It makes opening up to others a lot easier. Now I know I can handle my feelings and emotions, so maybe my T can too. Keep working at it, you are not alone!

 

[DharmaGirl]

It took me a while to open up, but when I did, at the year mark, I was able to work hard, really, really hard, since I was able to somewhat trust him by then. He let me have the time and so it all worked out.