Suicide In Teens...is Society Too Tough Or Not Tough Enough?

[Enaila]

After a church meeting tonight, one of the older lady's, who knows I teach junior high, mentioned to me one of the 8th grade girls at her daughter's school committed suicide. I said that was so sad....I wonder what was so hard in her life she felt a need to end it? The old lady said it was probably because society had been too easy on her and she didn't know how to handle disappointment.

I didn't know how to respond to the comment as I work with teens who definitely have had to handle tough situations and are "thick skinned." All I could think about was how many of those on ptsd.com are survivors and I wondered if she knew anyone personally who had lost a loved one to suicide.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

because society had been too easy on her and she didn't know how to handle disappointment.

What the f*ck kind of comment is that???

Its clueless people like her that make kids feel hopeless of anyone that will understand and actually HEAR them when they talk!!

I was a suicidal teen, I was a suicidal tween and 8 yr old child...i know hopelessness and society being "too easy" isnt how a KID gets to suicidal thoughts. Society ISNT too easy on kids! Kids today have it a millon times harder time then I did in the 80s and 90s.

Dumb people!! God!

 

[EveHarrington]

Sounds like she's victim blaming! The girl could have had horrific trauma but this lady says it's because her life was too easy?

"Sorry, Susie, but society was too easy on you. That CSA wasn't enough to toughen you up!"

I really hope that lady keeps her mouth shut.

It's so sad to hear about a young person who commits suicide. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh your original question.

Not "tough" enough-----

Every child gets a trophy just for showing up because we don't want to hurt kids feelings. IMHO losing isn't bad because it can be an incredible motivator for improvement. I think I've heard stories about employers saying young hirees feel too entitled-----this could be a part of why. Competition can be fun-----AND it's rewarding. It's an awesome feeling to know that hard work pays off. Why work hard if the reward is the same for all, the one who works hard and the slacker who does nothing?


Too "tough"-----

Not being sensitive to legitimate concerns of kids-----bullying, harassment, etc. Acting like they should just toughen up. We all know that never works. These are KIDS! If they don't have the right survival/coping/functioning skills, it's the job of parents/adults/society to provide our kids with these things.

 

[Enaila]

I agree with all of you...I was so caught of guard as I had just shared that about one in six or so students at the school I work at has had a parent who died. I just don't understand how people don't think about others.

@EveHarrington... I do think we have done an injustice by awarding trophies to all for just showing up. The girl was from a more privileged area as was this older lady. I doubt the older lady could survive one day in the shoes of the teens I work with.

I wish I could have figured out my thoughts and feelings while around the lady, but I don't think it would have made a difference.

 

[EveHarrington]

It's just so sad to hear a woman speak in such a callous way toward a kid! This girl must have been in so much pain. Her family is changed forever. I guess from the outside the girl had a good life, maybe nothing to complain about. But we all know looks can be very deceiving.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Trophies for everything isnt this generation's issues. Though a bad idea.

We have complete absent parents that sit a toddler in front of the tv to babysit, give 5 yr olds phones & tablets, and let their child have a PCs, gaming consols, tablets, phones etc in their rooms without supervison where pedophiles are today.

No one said this girl was a CSA survivor and you dont have to be as bullying by itself is enough to make kids kill themselves and it has, many times. Bullying is one of the biggest issues we have today (and i was severely bullied and still wouldnt compare to today).

Guess whom fault that is? Parents of the kids bullying not teaching them good morals, that we are all equal and ALL deserving of respect (and why), and to sit with the "under dog".

Im not talking about kids yelling names on the playground. Im saying a grown ass woman pretending to be a guy just to 'get back' at this CHILD.

Mother faces jail for setting up fake MySpace profile to bully girl who later killed herself

What's wrong with people?

WE are why our kids are killing themselves! We are! We dont parent. "Parent" is a verb! Its an action!

We allow devices to parent for us (tv, computer, tablet, phone, gaming comsol etc). We dont talk to our children. We dont have an open line of communication with them. Its do perfect or else. We f*cking dress up toddlers in beauty pagents for godsake!

We let preditors in our homes by the way of all these "cool" devices.

We dont HEAR them! Hearing is much MUCH different then listening. To hear someone ("I hear you") takes understanding.

We dont allow them to make a mistake and learn from it.

I make a child tell me his/her mistake (ask them to name it and I do so calmly), then ask them to name 3 things they learned from it.

Its do perfect or else. We teach toddlers that beauty is important. We dont teach morals and the importance of equality (not really) and to sit at the lunch table by the bullied kid. How important it is to make friends with the bullied kids (and why).

We just dont parent well.

And god sakes, make them go outside and play. Kids arent in the sun enough these days!

 

[Enaila]

@lostforgottensoul You hit the nail on the head! I couldn't agree with you more! I remind myself to stay present for the children I work with everyday. Maybe this is why I have fewer flashbacks at work than anywhere else. Many just need to know one person cares.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Many just need to know one person cares.

Absolutly. The sad part is they need you to care because their parents dont. If the parents did, the child wouldnt be in need for someone to care.

And I know someone will throw out single parents and that is NO excuse. I can give you a handful of names of single parents that are meeting their child's emotional needs in every way and a bunch of handfuls of those that are missing very VERY easy and simple stuff.

You throw out anything that's wrong with today's kids and my question is where were those parents earlier? It is not the school's job to parent, its yours, the parent, to parent!

In the end they need to feel loved, feel you are their soft place to fall.

Dads need to step up and take care of their children as well! And that is an action as well, not just monitary. Us girls grow up and marry our fathers! (A guy just like).

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I think on the whole society is too hard on kids, actually on adults too. Ask people over sixty, many will say it's changed, and not in a good way :eek: It's sad and angering what's happened and continues to happen. But mostly sad.

 

[Stickler]

Kids are under a lot of pressure, and need understanding.

 

[Neverthesame]

The old lady said it was probably because society had been too easy on her and she didn't know how to handle disappointment.

That's probably exactly what it was. The poor kid may well have grown up thinking life should be tolerable at worst, good at best.
Then maybe she found out the hard way, that the people who say that are too stupid to know any better.

Maybe the most positive influences in that young lady's life were blind, ignorant, vacuous airheads that stumbled through life with little difficulty because having their heads up their asses, blinded them to the fact that not everyone has it easy as they do.

That kind of happy person, we tell kids to emulate, because happiness means good. Good positive people could never do something so horrible as sit in a church group and have the utter gall to blame a f*cking CHILD for committing suicide. Right?

Because suicide is something people do whilly nilly. Not because a person is in so much pain they feel they have no other option.

The best analogy I ever heard about the thought process behind suicide:
A person who is suicidal, has not lost their self-preservation instinct.
The choice being made, is not should I die? But how?
Like a person trapped in a burning high-rise. The question is not, how to survive? The question is, how to stop the pain in my lungs, and the burning of my skin? How to end the pain?

It doesn't matter if it turned out later that there was a way out. In that short moment when it would have made the difference, they didn't see it. Now it's too late.

That old addage "with age comes wisdom". Maybe that was true once. Now, no. Survival of the fittest, no longer matters. If you are lucky enough, you can be a total numpty and still live to a ripe old age. Yet still be secure in your own sense of self-worth to sit and cast judgement down on a dead child. f*cking pathetic.

I wonder if she had been there, would she still say the same thing?
Seeing the girls parents, after they found their baby that way? Or the police and paramedics who had to see her. Pick up her lifeless body and put it in a bag.

Wonder if she'd say the same thing then?

So sad. Kids shouldn't ever have to die. Certainly not by their own hands.

They definitely don't deserve to have their memory trodden on by some selfish git.