Also a sufferer here, but slightly different position.
While I agree that there needs to be a LOT of understanding from loved ones (frequently), having ptsd doesn't mean I'm not responsible for my actions. I also find that while it might make me kick and scream a bit at the time, it's incredibly important for my own sake that (a) loved ones don't excuse unacceptable behaviour; and (b) loved ones are consistent with their boundaries.
If loved ones accept the unacceptable, it costs them, it costs our relationship, and it costs me. I'm relearning a lot of things, and how to manage my own symptoms is a big part of that. Loved ones show me respect and help me with that process by treating me like a responsible adult. Because that's what I need to be. If I get triggered and lash out and overstep the marl, I need to know that it's not acceptable. That way, I can learn what areas I need to manage better.
Boundaries are critical for relationships, but they only play a role if you're going to stick to them. Telling me (or anyone) "this is where I draw the libe" is great. Critical even, for both of us. But there isn't a lot of point of you don't follow through. If you set a boundary (like, don't call me names, ever, because that's aggressive and a form of abuse in itself), you have to follow through. Otherwise I don't know where I stand, and when you tell me "this is my limit", it can become passive aggressive. Without the follow through, it becomes just threats, and threats aren't helpful.
If this is your line (and it sounds like a good one), follow through. Verbal abuse? Not okay. You do that again, and I walk out on you (maybe not permanently, but you get the idea!).
