Sufferer Hi ~

[brae]

hello , my names brae . im 27, queer non binary transgender person living in australia

i was diagnosed with borderline just over a year and a half ago. its been a complex journey and iv had a lot of trouble understanding my diagnosis. forums hav helped w lot thru hearing other peoples stories, i still feel very disillusioned with the lack of support/information/understanding available thru professionals, especially bringing gender and queerness into my experience. anyway i thought maybe it might be time to reach out to the online community and i wanna say its really touching to just feel the support around this particular forum and im terrified but also am longing to make connection. this feels like a pretty special place for a lot of people.

i feel like i have come really far and have learned so much in the past while, but am also struggling a whole lot. that thing where the more u become aware/self aware the more u become aware of what you're not aware of... im experiencing a lot of new symptoms and flare ups of symptoms i havnt had in a while. increasing triggers, dissociation and intrusive memories of things i dont actually consciously remember are a big thing for me right now and i havent been able to talk to anyone about it except for my parter who lives long distance/internationally (having bpd & being in a long term long distance relationship is massive challenge ) im definitely living with a lot of fear right now

i connect with my bpd diagnosis on many levels, but also feel very complicated abt it. how bpd is viewed in society and the stigma even amongst therapists etc. i have noticed im treated differently since getting this diagnosis. c-ptsd makes a lot of sense to me. im both diagnosed and undiagnosed with a bunch of other health and mental issues that i feel like is much more complicated than a single diagnosis... i feel like a lot of people here might have some similar thoughts?

im an astrologer and having dreams of one day being able to be a counsellor myself in a transpersonal sense is something that has kept me going and given me so many survival skills and a sense of belonging that i have never had before in my life. im always up for talking about astrology/metaphysics and am really interested in the ways these tools can be used to increase our self awareness, sense of self / belonging, and empathy/compassion. i have never been in a financial position to access dbt and this spiritual journey has done so much for my awareness and ability to start understanding my trauma and connect with people in less toxic ways (maybe even in ways dbt never could really do for me personally)

im very nervous to post this! im acknowledging that this a really big step for me to open myself up to connection like this and i have so much gratitude for spaces like this existing! so grateful for everyone brave enough to share such significant and personal parts of themselves, and extending compassion and openness to support one another. its really so beautiful

 

[aut555]

hello , my names brae . im 27, queer non binary transgender person living in australia

i was diagnosed wi...

That's is such a lovely post about you. My daughter is transgender and may have some inherited bpd. It runs on the dad's side pretty much. She hit teenager years hard and hit depressive mode along with unable to sleep which is manic in some bpd. She refuses to acknowledge she has it. I am just stepping away from labeling her. Its great you are into astrology, and you have a passion for life. Being passionate about what you like to do is so important. Welcome to this forum and may you find some answers to guide you.

 

[brae]

That's is such a lovely post about you. My daughter is transgender and may have some inherited bpd. It r...

thank you so much for ur kind words.
it must be so hard to see her going thru difficulties but i think its really amazing that u are creating distance from giving ur daughter any kind of label especially before she is ready to recognise/acknowledge. i connect with what u said about her experiences and i have so much compassion. its so hard like i think a lot of the time with bpd (and obviously many other trauma responses) it usually involves a lot of denial. i refused to admit i even had mental health problems until i was in such crisis that other people were forcing me to admit
i really do believe the trauma that manifests symptoms of bpd is so so often inherited. im certain my father is (unaware/undiagnosed) narcissistic pd , my mother can be hyper emotional and is a csa survivor/post natal depression survivor. there is a lot of mental illness thru both my parents lines, i can see the correlations so clearly as time goes on. i think its really important to talk about!

 

[aut555]

thank you so much for ur kind words.
it must be so hard to see her going thru difficulties but i think it...

Shocking, her dad has that too, and refuses meds, (psy md) told me meds don't work, he is afraid of their affects on him. Told me he is a functioning bpd with nar disorder l believe. Yes, trauma did predate all of this for her. Maybe you should counsel, you have a good understanding of this. And you come across as compassionate in your post. This forum has really helped me in a short amount of time!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :-)