My T points out after I say out loud myself that I'm mostly disassociated in everyday life. I know I am. I've lived my life this way it's entire way. For "us" its a mean to get by, to fit in. Because we are so very different. We feel like an alien most of the time. No one but our T knows the most about us. We've lost so many friends we thought were worth investing in. Turns out we were wrong. So, we don't bother searching anymore. We take the friends that come along, and call them our fake friends because in the end, they won't stay. We don't know how to have friends. Tonight, its a lonely, dangerous world. I must protect my baby from harm. Its exhausting and my body is tired. But we will not give up. Not tonight.