My Abuser Died Today-

[shimmerz]

In my mind I wanted to see him again-try to get him to acknowledge it-and then brutally kill him, dismember him to tiny pieces and burn him.

This is great insight. Not difficult to understand either.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

get him to acknowledge it

This is my issue, i held onto hope that my mom would and because of that, that is why im having such a hard time now.

I dont feel my mom or my step dad is dead either and having a very hard time accepting that they arent here. They feel here.

This can be worked out, but its a hard road and theres a lot of pits and holes and bumps and it seems, to me, like its the road to insanity but isnt.

You need to be VERY gentle and patient with yourself.

 

[Snowflake]

I am kinda disappointment my therapist didn't call me today. But then again I didn't ask her to-

 

[lostforgottensoul]

:hug:s @Snowflake!

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Snowflake Just because your abuser died, doesn't take away the trauma that you are still left with. So I can understand why you are left a bit numb. You didn't get the things that you probably wanted. To know why? And now he's dead and you won't ever get that. The shit is dead and you're still dealing with the aftermath. Doesn't seem fair.

One of my abusers died too and wouldn't talk to me about it while she was on her death bed. I drove an hour to see her and she wouldn't even talk about it. She died, and I was still left with the mess. My mom was such a bitch at times. She's been dead for 22 yrs.

Be good to yourself and know that this too shall pass. You will get through this...

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Without reading everyone's posts, I'm going to say that there was no closure. You didn't face the person who hurt you and give "him" (I'm guess it's a him) the what for. I know when my biological father passes away, I will never have closure but that's not burden to face right now. There is a song called "The Living Years"
by Mike and the Mechanics that might help. I won't be jumping up and down when my father dies. My anger towards my Grandmother who passed away in 1989...she screwed everyone's lives up so bad I wish I could take a sledgehammer to her grave marker.
The only way I can deal with the "loss" of those who hurt me is remembering that YOU ARE A SURVIVOR, just like us. You lived. You are here and you are now. They shouldn't matter but that will take a lot of time to figure out.

Just remember we are here for you when you do grieve. Heather

 

[Fynixx]

Without reading everyone's posts, I'm going to say that there was no closure. You didn't face t...

I want to take a sledgehammer to my Grandmother's grave too. She kicked off a long line of dominoes that have yet to stop falling and crushing all of the rest of us. I hate her for it. I refused to go to her funeral, or to allow my children to go.

My Uncle died today. He was the first to sexually abuse me...at 3. I will be 37 in a few days, and I should be so far over this. I can't feel anything for his death. Not relief, not regret, not happiness or closure. I found this site after a Google search because I just feel so stuck with the news.

 

[Jung in the JUNGle]

In my mind I wanted to see him again-try to get him to acknowledge it-and then brutally kill him, dis...

What you are experiencing is the symbol of your abuser that was implanted in you during your ideal. I am sure you have heard of the Stockholm Syndrome where the captor takes on feelings of alignment with the abuser. The unconscious is powerful but blind, it doesn't not know the moral difference it only has the task of forming a perceptive bridge to the environment.

The residual internal abuser symbol though, is constantly being ejected and this very natural desire to destroy this image (by killing the actual abuser) that is still embedded within you is a push for the piece of consciousness to purge this malignant symbol and come back into the pool of consciousness.

i would urge you to take this opportunity now with the death of your abuser to kill off this malignant image within you. The attachment to it is all that is standing between darkness and freedom. After all he can't hurt you anymore now

 

[Freedomfighter]

My abuser from when I was a young child (9-12) died today. He was a violent, aggressive, threatening...

Yeah, that is tough, because seeing people that resemble them throws a PTSD victim into a cauldron of anger. Happens to me many times, about people that snoop in my life without any of it being their business or people that only pretended to help me but in reality wanted to hurt me even more. Seeing people that resemble them ignites a massive wall of hate within me.

And what is really funny too: you sometimes make the mistake of having empathy but then when you see someone again that resembles them then your obvious hate for that person breaks through. That happens to me a lot, because there are some really nasty predators in my past that made me believe that they were genuinely interested in helping an innocent person, only to later find out the exact opposite.

In those cases my mind thinks about them as a good person, still does, and then I see someone that resembles them, oh boy then there is this huge wall of hate.

 

[Broken but here]

I want to take a sledgehammer to my Grandmother's grave too. She kicked off a long line of dominoes that...

I am 38 and my uncle abused me at ages 4 and 8. I Googled this site too as I wish he was dead. but it sounds like, it won't make much difference. the fear always seems to be here.

 

[Broken but here]

I want to take a sledgehammer to my Grandmother's grave too. She kicked off a long line of dominoes that...

How are you feeling now?