Sexual Addiction

[midi]

One layer at a time, Dave, one layer at a time.

 

[teejaye]

Cragger, my opinion of you changed indeed - I have a lot of new respect for you. This is a brave topic and it's so good to talk about it. I especially appreciate hearing that men have the same coping strategies women have and how they've overcome.

Midi, your analogy about porn and fast food ... BRILLIANT!!!

 

[cragger65]

Thanks Midi, I will try to work that way. And Teejaye, I really didn't see that coming... thanks.

 

[Lionheart]

I feel that possibly some people's opinion of me might have changed as a result of this disclosure about myself.

I understand Dave and I sometimes feel the same way. I am not exactly proud of the things I did to myself in the past, and I'm especially uneasy telling others that I let men use me as a toy, when I am heterosexual and retain my preference for the ladies. However, it was all I knew, and it is not who or what I am.....it's what I did to try and cope.

I have risen above the homophobia and the tyrrany of sexual abuse after-effects. I am standing up to PTSD face-to-face, nose-to-nose, and it appears to me that you are doing the same...and so, I too have a great respect for you, for your honesty and courage to tell it like it is.

When asked who my hero is, I say that I am, perhaps you should consider this for yourself, because you most certainly are!!! :clap: :thumbs-up
~Lewie~

 

[fin]

This is such a difficult subject for me on different levls, I am so glad that Dave you had the oomph to start this thread. It is difficult and many people see it as taboo, working things through I hope I am. time huh!

I have so much to keep working through it is quite painful still, I dont really want to say this but I wish we didnt have to keep going through this all so alone. But at the same time I dont think I would be able to talk about very much at all for fear of others and their stuff.

Some days I hate myself more thanothers.

I am glad to read other peoples experiences of this here, I hope that there are things that I will at some point be able to get out of me, just let go and hope. Small steps huh

~fin

 

[cragger65]

Today I despise myself, my weakness, my cowardice, my pettiness, my poor, poor choices. Today I hate myself and what I am.

Some days I hate myself more than others.

 

[fin]

Wow did I ever write that wrong, I am trying now to right the wrong, I think I must have got that wrong on more than one level also.

I meant someday I hate myself more than I hat myself on other days,

But again that has to be wrong also because while I know I am in trouble and I feel it so badly I am also just very tired and that is probaly the point more than anything else in it.

Dave my good friend, thankyou so much for helping me to see, I hope I can help you also. Please know that I have never seen you in any of the ways you have described here, although they do sum me up pretty well.

We have to try to get this out of us, we cant let it beat us down anymore than it has or does already. This is PTSD and it is hard to manage sometimes but we have to try and to hope also, because it is ok to hope, it is ok to hold onto someone else's hand...please hold mine take my hand and know that it will be better tomorrow. Let it all out no matter how bad we are feeling it has to come out because that lost and cold feeling needs to be brought out of us, for us to begin to heal and reheal if we have to.

This is managment and it is difficult but it is not impossible.

I will try harder with what I say I know that in some way it will help. please know oyu are not alone and I think you do know that, please also know that in what yu have written here oyu have helped me so much more, please take care of you, please know that neither of us are those words those awful things ...we have ot let them move from us...we have to try again and again if we have to ...but please just know we are not without hope.

Your friend
~fin


:Hug_emoticon:

How about this

• Today I will love myself, my strength
• Today I wil cherish the softer side of myself
• Today I will be kinder to my vulnerabilities
• Today I will soothe my soul
• Today I will rest in the knowledge that I have people that love and care for me
• Today I will accept that I have choices I can make and I will learn from my off days to be kinder when I get it wrong
• Today I will leave my Superman suit in the wardrobe
• Today it is ok to just be me
• Today I will try for something but know it is ok to fall, because I can and WILL get back up
• Today may have gone to shit, but tomorrow will be better, just because I am PTSD doesnt mean I am invincible nor does it mean that I have to be permanently down on myself.

I could go on...well I think everyones knows I could go on...but you get the idea here...
:Hug_emoticon:

For all our days, managing and getting it out, because it is ooo sooo much better out of us. And this is the place to do that.

I hope that this can in some way help better


for friendship, & all of us
~me

 

[cragger65]

Thanks Fin. Good list. Just really down today.

 

[Tinyflame]

I say this only because you're down Dave and I'm down too.

Much of my past had one recurrent theme- how to act and be treated in such a way that I didn't have to feel, trust or be cared for. That way, I never had to deal with a conflicting view of myself.

Maybe it's time we all started from scratch, and learn how to care about ourselves in the smallest way.

I know you are good and valuable just as you are, despite how you feel.

 

[cragger65]

I was the same. If someone showed care, it made me hurt so bad inside, so I covered it all up in anger.

I don't know how to care about myself anymore. I don't think I ever did. I'm so far gone.

It's so hard to question those feelings when they are just so strong, but I will try.

Dave

Much of my past had one recurrent theme- how to act and be treated in such a way that I didn't have to feel, trust or be cared for. That way, I never had to deal with a conflicting view of myself.

Maybe it's time we all started from scratch, and learn how to care about ourselves in the smallest way.

I know you are good and valuable just as you are, despite how you feel.

 

[Marlene]

This is a great thread, Dave. There are so many of us that have been hurt sexually and have turned around and continued the abuse to ourselves that someone else started. Until I met my husband I figured that it was just my lot in life to be hurt in all ways by men. Rather cynical for an 18 year old, but I had been being sexually hurt by men since I was 10. It was all I knew and all I expected.

I never thought of it as an addiction, but maybe it was. For a long time I let men use me and I used them. What did it matter? What did I matter? I think I wanted to feel something but I never did. I was just empty inside.

It's taken most of the 23 years I've been with my husband to feel like I'm worth his time and attention. Even though I didn't continue the sexual abuse against myself (or maybe I did since I felt for so long that only my husband mattered in that area of our lives) after I got married, I did carry on the emotional and mental abuse against myself.

It's really just been in the past three years since I've been going to therapy for PTSD that I've also been dealing with a lot of past hurts, pain and abuse that, as Junebug wrote, has taught me to start from scratch and lean to take care of myself. It takes a lot of time and effort to undo what others have done to us and what we've continued to do to ourselves. Instead of questioning those negative feelings, try telling them they're wrong. Tell them you're worth so much more than they say. It may feel like a lie, but if you do it enough you will begin to believe it.

There are some days when I hate myself and open the door to let all of those negative voices come parading through my head. Old habits are hard to break. Old, bad habits are the hardest.

Lisa

 

[cragger65]

Thanks Lisa, yours is really a powerful reminder that this is no sprint, it's a long-term commitment to change. I get so frustrated with myself that I can't just "get it" and be done with it. It's work, I see, and ongoing. You are quite a success story in this regard. I know your current choppy seas will calm, you've weathered so much already and you've got the tools and support to do it. Thanks for the insight.

Dave

PS. Oh, and it didn't help I missed my meds yesterday... guaranteed disaster!!