Terminal Illness And Acceptance

[Lionheart]

My sister and I both have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease which is eventually terminal.

The problem is, I am at stage 2 while she is at stage 4.

From what I understand, the life expectancy for someone with stage 4 COPD is about two years.

I have not accepted this as true and still am not sure if I do until I hear it from a respiratory therapist but, my sister maintains it is the truth.

If it is a fact, then, I am going to be grieving again soon as I am very close with my baby sister and I don't have much family left in this world.

*(It also occurs to me that this is another reason that I have been wanting to make final preparations for my own eventual demise).

How does one accept terminal Illness, either in the near or distant future?

It is a very hard pill to swallow and I think I am in denial at this point, both about my sister's illness, as well as my own.

any thoughts?

 

[mamachick]

Lionheart, first I want to say how sorry I am. I don't have the answer that you are searching for. I don't know how one accepts terminal illness for a loved one or for oneself (when knowing in advance) and prepares for it other than -if it is a fact, it will happen with or without our acceptance.

I too have COPD and have for quite some time but it has worsened a lot this year. I did not know they stages this disease but now will ask. Two breathing tests were ordered this year but I could not have the second one because my breathing was too bad.

My sister and I have shared a lot of the same illnesses, and being long distance, I was not able to see her. Last year, what I thought and what she was told and caused much pain was not benign but turned out to be pancreatic cancer and she only lasted 5-6 weeks. I tried to accept this but its been 16 months since she passed and I am still grieving. I seem to be grieving much more than my other 2 sisters. I held up pretty strong until she went, and then I felt ready as I am not close with my other sisters and have no other family left also. My physical problems have really worsened since she passed as well. I just pray that she is in a better place now and look forward to being with her.

Although I had little warning with my sister, and none with myself, I don't feel like it will be long for myself. I am somewhat accepting of that. I feel very much at peace with the end-that may change as time nears. I sure have not completed any bucket list or anything, but I did all I could here in this life. I think my lack of fear is because I have more fear of living with the humans here on this earth. I am afraid of the long drawn out suffering and still have not quit smoking. That is not very comforting I don't suppose and I am sorry that I have no words of wisdom here. I don't feel like I have any place here, I don't belong anymore. Those feelings seem to minimize negative thoughts and feelings. Also, I have been doing some Buddhist meditation and their talk about impermanence may be helpful to me. I have great fear about suffering here where I am.

Seems like when young life drags on, and now older, the months are passing quickly. I forget things but for some reason think we are near same age from previous posts, I am 57. My sister was 63. I miss her so much. Even though she was older, after we were grown, she was like my baby sister and leaned on me. I felt so helpless when I visited her before she passed, but I was able to have final talk with her and just be present. Sometimes that is all you can do.

I am so sorry that you are faced with this. I do know how painful loss is and have lost so many good people in my life. (((hugs))) if that is ok. I am here for you

 

[lostforgottensoul]

From what I understand, the life expectancy for someone with stage 4 COPD is about two years.

My step mom has had COPD (and smokes Clipper cigars, about 2 packs a day still, like an idoit) for, gosh, I'd say 8 or 10 years. It is now advanced. She won't get it "graded" as a stage but it is much more advanced then it used to be. Her cough is insane. Worse then I have ever heard. It's been at this advanced stage for a few years now and she still isn't on oxygen yet and she still smokes the stupid Clipper cigars 2 packs a day.

It is a very hard pill to swallow

Yes it is! I am very sorry for where you are at and this illness. It's hard. I don't have thoughts on how to accept it but know my thoughts are with you! :hug:

 

[mamachick]

My dr said he had 7 patients in their 50's on oxygen and I don't have oxygen yet.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My sister and I both have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease which is eventually terminal.

The...

So sorry for your challenges, we all hope we do not have to walk on such a path. My mom had lung problems and asthma and even though she died of cancer I believe that the complications of her lung disease worsened her condition and led to a quick demise.

I have since then done a lot of research and what I have found is amazing. I do not believe anymore that the standard modern medicine can cure disease which is actually true. Modern doctors give meds that can kill and operate but will not be able to say that they can cure disease because then they would be lying. I have found out in my research that there are many innocent people in jail around the world because they showed others that true healing comes from natural compounds.
So in order to clean my own physical being I am refusing regular asthma meds even though I can tell that I am going the same way then my mom did. I instead am investing in natural ways to help my lungs which includes taking natural supplements, including bromelain, infusing with natural Oil of Oregano oils and eucalyptus oils. Now I am looking into oxygenating water and ionizing air, also some very interesting subjects.

Do not only believe modern medicine. Do a search online if you can and check out homeopathic medicine. I believe you will be truly amazed when you learn about that. But it is everyone's own decision what they want to do.
I have also cleaned up my diet, almost no more processed foods, make my own butters, beauty products, try to go completely away from the typical western diet because that in itself can spell disaster.

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you for taking the time to share with me @brat17 I am sure that was not easy for you to do.

I suppose I need to talk to a respiratory therapist and get the news straight from their mouth. I need to know just what the prognosis is for both my sister and I.

My sister still smokes cigarettes, and I know that this speeds the progression of the disease. I smoke filtered cigars and am not doing myself any favors.

I do not want to die, but sometimes I think maybe I won't mind...it's like the song says, "If it's peace ya find in dying, then let the time be near."

We are close to the same age Brat, I will be 56 in March. (My younger sister will be 51 in January).

I am so sorry that you have lost your sister!!! Iknow what it is to grieve. I lost my father to lung cancer December of 2012 and I am still grieving that loss after all this time.

My baby sister is my best friend in the world and I will take the loss hard when the time comes, I'm sure.

As for myself, I see death as being a part of life rather than the opposite of it, so I find some bit of comfort in that.

Thanks again for sharing,

Hugs,
Lion

 

[Lionheart]

I don't have thoughts on how to accept it but know my thoughts are with you! :hug:

Thank you @lostforgottensoul ...I am on oxygen at night time and have sleep apnea so I worry that will complicate things in the end but, what can one do?

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for your concern and support!

Hugs,
Lion

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I smoke filtered cigars and am not doing myself any favors.

Quit! I quit inside of a week and I learned that all the talk of it being 97% psychological were true. I switched to a nicotine vaporizer so all that it is is nicotine and water vapor. And then in addition can switch to the nicotine free ones because I am now addicted to the vaporizer but it a thousand times healthier. I had gotten pneumonia 3 times and twice in a year because, mostly, of huffing duster but I had done perm damage. Smoking wasn't helping that.

In addition, each time I got sick, it hit my lungs and dropped my blood oxygen right away.

How I did it was to smoke less each day of the cig and more each day of the vaporizer until I was down to just the vaporizer. I held an unlit cig until i broke the need to have something between my fingers and the weirdness of the heavy vaporizer.

E-cig didnt work and the vaporizer was my therapist's idea. He said it was a better delivery system.

I have since stopped weezing, don't need my nebulizer or any inhaler and my last exam the Dr heard 100% clear lungs.

ETA: I will say it isn't cheaper and likely more expensive but much much healthier.

 

[Lionheart]

So sorry for your challenges, we all hope we do not have to walk on such a path.

Thank you @Freedomfighter ....It is the path I have to walk now so I am trying to do it with some grace if I can

 

[Lionheart]

Quit! I quit inside of a week and I learned that all the talk of it being 97% psychological were true. I switched to a nicotine vaporizer so all that it is is nicotine and water vapor. the vaporizer was my therapist's idea. He said it was a better delivery system.

Where can I find a nicotine vaporizer? ....and how is that different from an e-cig? How much does one cost?

I want to quit and it sounds like you are now doing well with the vaporizer.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Where can I find a nicotine vaporizer? ....and how is that different from an e-cig?

I buy mine from walgreens but you can get them at any drug store and any gas station across the country.

You have the prefilled perm sealed kind. And the fillable kind. The fillable kind is cheaper but their coils need changing, often. And not all coils are the same nor are they in the same place. If not change they usually leak. So i get the Fin brand at walgreens where new coils are in each prefilled tanks.

https://youtu.be/KYOEvXJpp6U

Buy the starter kit and then get the two pack refills.

There is TONS of youtube vids on vaporizers as you can build your own coils to get more vapor. I don't care to do that. I get more then enough nicotine as now that I'm on a vaporizer I can tell how nicotine makes your heart race.

Vaporizers are liquid. That video has a methol. I smoke tobacco flavored. I am not all about fruit flavors. But you can try out TONS of flavors. There is a site that has like well over 100 tobacco flavors.

There are also vap shops that do nothing but sell vaporizers, parts, and liquid.

E-cigs are rather stationary in what you get where as vaping is a lot more customizable. E-cigs don't have the throat hit you get from a cig. Vaps do.

Read up on them. Find what's best for you as the point of it all is to quit smoking and stay quit. Nothing worked for me. Patches didn't AT ALL. The Florida stop smoking people (Florida Quits I think it's called) where they give you counslor didn't. All methods failed where a vaporizer worked. But i was also very motivated to quit at the time too which is very important.

ETA: The biggest difference for me was the throat hit as it mocks smoking more and was easier to move to it. The e-cig didn't feel like anything. It's odd how, as a smoker, you want that throat hit but it is important to me.

 

[mamachick]

@lostforgottensoul- Sounds like you have done your research. I bought a vape cig that you refill but then learned that people were getting lung infections from not changing filter (or coil) or something. The rechargeable have exploded and injured people. Finally, when my sister was dying, I tried what they gave her and they are called Blue and are disposable. I smoke lights and the tobacco flavor is actually really good. Not sure what you mean by throat hit, but the blue actually hits throat and makes me cough. They are disposable and only about $7-8 and lasts depending on how much you use.

Complicated choices I guess. I have quit with patch before but I have skin break out from it pretty bad. (big red welts) I know I need to quit too.