Relationship I'm Frozen...and I Can't "let It Go"...

[Mim28]

Whatever happens you are not sentencing yourself to a life of solitude. You are an amazing person who gives so much to others. You need to be heard and valued as well.
I pray you can both find a way to work through this but he has to be there for you too. I hope your time spent together was healing for your relationship.
You are one amazing woman and don't forget it!

 

[NaeNae75]

Oops. Anonymous by mistake! That was me...

Lol, to the accidental anonymous. I saw in my notifications that I had an anonymous reply, and I thought....Oh no!

Thank you for the post. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. I agree that a lot of what we feel isn't from "the moment". I've been trying hard not to react, but that didn't go so well. I did get my point across to him this weekend, though...at least for now. Thanks again for the support!

 

[NaeNae75]

Whatever happens you are not sentencing yourself to a life of solitude. You are an amazing person who giv...

I would "love" this if I could! Thank you so much for your post! I agree that I need to be heard too. We did have a long conversation last night and another this morning. It was beneficial. I'm not completely sure how much he got out of it, but I hope it was close to how much I did.

He did seem genuinely sorry for what he said, and is trying to do what he can for now. I can accept that. We did get some snuggle time in too....that was nice. Hopefully he doesn't instantly push me away again.

Thanks too, for the nice things you've said about me...you really are a good friend, Mim!

 

[Sighs]

YOU DONT GET TO TELL ME WHETHER SOMETHING HURT MY FEELINGS OR UPSET ME OR NOT.

^^^ This!

I don't have a diagnosis but I know I have some issues from my childhood and on occasion my vet has deliberately pressed those buttons. Maybe what he said would not have been very upsetting to someone else but he KNEW that it would be extremely upsetting to me. I feel a bit like this is what your man was doing. I'm sure he is sorry but its up to you not up to him to decide whether its enough to push you away for good.

Hugs if you accept them!

 

[NaeNae75]

^^^ This!

I don't have a diagnosis but I know I have some issues from my childhood and on occasion my ve...

They can really be buggers, can't they? I agree with you. I think sometimes he wants me to leave him because of all the guilt and crap he carries around. He knows when he tries to push me away, I'm always right here waiting....so maybe plan B is to say stuff he knows will put me on edge. To say he's skating on thin ice right now is putting it mildly.

I don't think this alone is enough to push me away, but the culmination of everything is making me lose faith, I guess. Not just in him, but in everything. My family of origin has been especially crappy to me as of late too. My kids have been good, and my best friend has never failed me in 25 years, but everything else feels like it's crumbling.

I need to get a grip, because I'm on the verge of making some potentially bad decisions if I don't get my head on straight. I'm trying desperately to hold on to my patience so I don't make any rash decisions. I'm the type of person to cut off my nose to spite my face on occasion....NOT GOOD. So, instead, I'm trying to put on my big girl panties and be rational - even if all I really want to do is throw a colossal temper tantrum right now because the world isn't "fair".

Funny thing is, the world is never going to be "fair", and I know it! So I know I need to calm the heck down and make my own peace with my life. I would just like for once, my needs to come before everyone else's "wants"... I guess I'm the only one that can really do that though. I guess if I make myself "cheap", no one is going to treat me like I'm worth anything. I have to show them that I'm worth something, I deserve more, and I won't settle for anything less anymore!

 

[Friday]

Am I over-reacting?

Since you said you were triggered? I would say, yes. Because you aren't reacting to him... But to your family. It reads like he meant it one way (Hey, look at me, not f*cking up... Making self depreciating jokes, admitting I've been an ass... See, we're gonna be okay), but you're responding to your family and how they meant it.

The "list of indiscretions" actually cracks me up... Since he'd apparently just been read the riot act by your daughter... Not adding forgetting to kiss her mother goodbye when I leave! See? I can be a good boy! I can! ... But it sounds like you didn't know your daughter was handing him his ass in a sling, and regardless, the moment 'grateful' entered the picture? Goodnight Irene. So to say that landed badly? Understatement.

 

[NaeNae75]

Since you said you were triggered? I would say, yes. Because you aren't reacting to him... But to your f...

That's a really interesting point if view....thanks! I can always count on you for thinking outside if the box. I appreciate more than you realize.

I'm one of those people that don't need everyone to agree with me. I truly enjoy seeing as many points if view as possible. I think finding the balance between all of it is the best way to grow, both individually and as a couple.

He doesn't communicate very often the nuts and bolts of his thinking lately, so him having that "voice" in you is helpful to me. I genuinely don't want everything "my way". Of course , some of it would be nice,lol!

Anyway , for what it's worth, you really have helped me here - so Thank you !