AlohaDreaming
Bronze Member
This is one of those posts that I need to make, but I don't know where to start.
The last time my middle sister reached out to me, it was after our brother OD'ed. He was a life longer dug addict. He died two weeks after reaching out to our mother for photographs of himself and the family as a child. She yelled at him our sister had them and hung up.
This was her way.
He OD'ed alone in his apartment. My Father was destroyed, and my Sisters were indifferent. I forgave him for all the things that he did. I forgave him, because when someone dies, you let it go. You accept you'll never get to say what you wanted, but I was never angry.
When I moved East to get away from the family because they were so toxic. They always acted as if I was someone so horrible, and pushed me out. My last Christmas at home they forgot me till 2pm and then came to get me, like I was a distant relative. I had had a suicide scare a few days earlier, so the sting was worse to feel they'd treated me like a stranger.
The following year, I left the state and have only been back once in nearly twenty years.
Today I get a facebook message from a friend of my middle sister saying she needs to speak to me. It has been since my Brother OD'ed that she's spoken to me. That was 2009. Today she needed to talk to me, and instantly the panic set in.
She messages me that back in May my Mom had a heart attack, and has been suffering from Alzheimer's. That her condition is worsening and they've put her into a home. She doesn't remember people from day to do, but she remembers the past. She wanted me to know, and she loved me. Not a real dialogue, like she'd written me an email.
She and I never got along. She made my life a living hell growing up. We argued and never liked one another.
So, my Mother is dying, and it took her seven months to contact me. I'm hurt. I go from being numb to sobbing.
There are some days I realize what I did all those years ago, by leaving, it saved me. It doesn't make this any less painful.
The last time my middle sister reached out to me, it was after our brother OD'ed. He was a life longer dug addict. He died two weeks after reaching out to our mother for photographs of himself and the family as a child. She yelled at him our sister had them and hung up.
This was her way.
He OD'ed alone in his apartment. My Father was destroyed, and my Sisters were indifferent. I forgave him for all the things that he did. I forgave him, because when someone dies, you let it go. You accept you'll never get to say what you wanted, but I was never angry.
When I moved East to get away from the family because they were so toxic. They always acted as if I was someone so horrible, and pushed me out. My last Christmas at home they forgot me till 2pm and then came to get me, like I was a distant relative. I had had a suicide scare a few days earlier, so the sting was worse to feel they'd treated me like a stranger.
The following year, I left the state and have only been back once in nearly twenty years.
Today I get a facebook message from a friend of my middle sister saying she needs to speak to me. It has been since my Brother OD'ed that she's spoken to me. That was 2009. Today she needed to talk to me, and instantly the panic set in.
She messages me that back in May my Mom had a heart attack, and has been suffering from Alzheimer's. That her condition is worsening and they've put her into a home. She doesn't remember people from day to do, but she remembers the past. She wanted me to know, and she loved me. Not a real dialogue, like she'd written me an email.
She and I never got along. She made my life a living hell growing up. We argued and never liked one another.
So, my Mother is dying, and it took her seven months to contact me. I'm hurt. I go from being numb to sobbing.
There are some days I realize what I did all those years ago, by leaving, it saved me. It doesn't make this any less painful.
