Putting Yourself First When Processing A New Trauma

[Deleted member 34328]

I've had PTSD for 4 years now. The roots are very complicated, but part of it included a rape situation in a hospital setting.

I experienced another sexual assault situation recently and I'm having a really hard time trying to ignore other pressure and focus in what I need to do to best help myself. I make horrible choices based on the guilt and usually end up in a worse situation than before. My husband has the best of intentions but his "encouragement" is what often opens the door for more flooding, nightmares and dissociating to simply get through the day. At least that's what's happened this time.

I'm naturally a people pleaser and I have a hard time going against the wishes of a significant person. I had a session this week and in a sense was carefully racked across the coals for having given in to my husband's dissapointment in me and so allowing myself to come to further harm. My husband praised me for my efforts, but the side effects have been huge.

Does anyone else struggle like this? I know what my T is telling me is right, but knowing that following his instructions is going to cause an emotional battle in the home that I have no energy to fight. I had been doing better with this, but a sexual assault seems to be a far greater trauma than I thought it would be. Any reserves that I may have had are gone.

Any advice? How can I find the balance? How do I safely communicate this problem to my husband?

 

[Gs172003]

Is your husband pressuring you to be with him intimately? If so he has no choice but to back off. You flat out can't right now.

You need time to heal or you're just going to get worse. He needs to know that.

 

[Mim28]

I'm very sorry for all you have been through. You can only do what you can do. You have to evaluate your energy level and put your complete energy into healing you.
I know it is hard because I am there. I am frustrated that it's taking me so long, but it will take it as long as it will take.
Journal your thoughts and talk to your T. It is hard when others are relying on us. Hopefully you can find some balance.
I'm thinking of you.

 

[Friday]

Okay... So you know what your husband wants & you know what your therapist wants. But what do you want?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Okay... So you know what your husband wants & you know what your therapist wants. But what do you want?[...

I want to stay away from the location of the assault without question, however a lot fear in that response.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm very sorry for all you have been through. You can only do what you can do. You have to evaluate you...

Yes, it is a long process and this new trauma certainly isn't going to speed things up.

My depression level has gone up significantly since this. I have no strength or energy to fight with. Sort of a "why did this happen...I'm too tired to fight it."

My therapist is right 100% and is frustrated that I went under the pressure of my husband and effectively sabotaged and hurt myself even more.

I'm not arguing that my needs have to be the priority, my family is important too and my husband has not been a supporter

 

[Gs172003]

I want to stay away from the location of the assault without question, however a lot fear in that respo...

That's normal. Why would you?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

That's normal. Why would you?

Why would I go back?

 

[Gs172003]

Why would I go back?

Why would you want to?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I don't.
Not going to if my husband asks. Already figured out my line. 'I'll go back when my T encourages me to plan it out.' Hopefully I can stick to that. That's always been my problem. Emotional blackmail as my T calls it.
It's a lot easier said then done.

 

[Suzetig]

Is the location somewhere that you'd usually go? What's making your husband insist you go back there again? And why are you so fearful of saying you don't want to go there?

You're an adult, unless there's a very compelling reason to go (e.g. it's your child's school and you need to take them to school and literally no one else can do it for you) i just wouldn't go.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

My daughters take gymnastics classes. My husband and I alternate Saturdays. We don't go together. My daughters much prefer that I go. They are quite young.

My husband could easily be described as someone who automatically thinks that "if you fall off the horse, get right back on." A flooding type therapy - if he were a therapist... logic all the way.

My husband has not been a supporter for me for several years now. I love him - no divorce issues, and when he does rise up in my defence then I want to hold on to him. I always cave when he gets angry with me for just about anything. I'm working on that, but overall, the person I want as a supporter the most is him. He's already disappointed in me now for not going this past weekend. I have a really hard time holding up under pressure depending on who it's coming from.