Other I Think I Have A Problem With Friend's Suicide Attempt

[youarenotarobot]

You've done a great and brave job describing the situation. I think you and those who have responded to...

Thank you. I haven't considered talking about other things going on at the time but looking back there was a lot of difficulties. It kind of feels like a trail of bad or stressful events eventually leading up to my friends suicide attempt being the final blow, in a way.

Mmm. After this happened I don't feel comfortable feeling anger at all. I feel like it makes me a bad person. On the one hand this does mean I'm less likely to get angry at someone and would rather try and understand their point of view, which isn't a trait I'd like to get rid of. But at the same time I'd like to feel more comfortable feeling anger when it comes. Thank you for your reply.

 

[Abstract]

Hi,

That sounds like it could possibly be relevant for you and would be great to discuss. Usually when we experience something terrible and life changing then it can change the way we think of people, the world, ourselves and have many other consequences. Usually dealing with all these factors can be part of putting that bad event to rest.

Anger itself doesn't harm anyone actually. Its absolutely needed for us to be healthy. What we do with that anger can be healthy or unhealthy. Someone being physically or verbally aggressive inappropriately would absolutely be unhealthy. Feeling anger is normal and when we try to stop that experience entirely or hate ourselves for it then it can cause all sorts of problems. Some people do have anger issues. There go to response for almost everything is anger. That is something different and I don't see that in you at all from what you said. I think you were in a terrible situation for a teenager and anger would be normal.

Was your family situation happy and supportive both before this and after it? In general. Were you allowed to be a child and your parents took on their responsibility as adults?

 

[Nevermore]

@youarenotarobot I think I understand what you're saying. I'm much older than you and have lost 2 people close to me in this way. I am a different person since then.
Recently an old friend who I'm not rly in contact with any more talked of her wish to die - and I felt the shutdown as she was talking. The fear and the anger came afterwards and lasted a week. As well as my own suicidal feelings raising their head again - and I felt angry!!!
I told her of my inability to listen to suicidal feelings. I told her of the losses. I'm not sure it even registered. I'm not sure I as a person even registered.
The anger is taboo. It's supposed to be all about that person, the one who's feeling so terrible, but it can never be that way. We are affected by each other.
I think when people become suicidal they lose that understanding. You were not a self centred friend, your friend was - it's the nature of the beast
I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. It wd be good to let that anger out and let yourself move on. Your feelings matter too. You did nothing wrong, you just got a big shock.
there's probably a whole lot of grief and fear underneath that anger.

 

[Nevermore]

Ugh! Sorry, I realise I sound really harsh. It's not what I meant. Only that it's traumatic on both sides of the coin - feeling it and having someone close to you feeling it.
I have been traumatised by suicide so it's a no go zone for me.
And I understand being traumatised by it on either side.
Take care...

 

[youarenotarobot]

Ugh! Sorry, I realise I sound really harsh. It's not what I meant. Only that it's traumatic on both...

I actually found your comment very comforting to know that other people have felt the same way I do. I did feel very uncomfortable seeing someone say my friend specifically was being self centered but I also know you were trying to help, so I appreciate that.

Completely agree it's traumatic on both sides. I have searched and searched but there's a real lack of support for friends/family affected by attempted suicides. It seems like there's a notion that if friends and family talk about how they feel, they're taking the focus off of mentally ill and suicidal people, but that's usually not true. It's possible to focus on two issues at once, and it's possible to feel sympathy for people on opposite sides of a coin.

Also I am very sorry for your losses. I can understand someone telling you they're suicidal but I can also understand why you couldn't listen to it at that point.

 

[Nevermore]

Yeah that was the harsh bit! I was sorry I said that too. I was meaning when people feel that desperate it's all consuming, and they often can't see you in all that.
There isn't much support for supporters - none really.
When I was going thru that with my ex people either criticised me for being there or gave me advice that let me know they had no idea!
I think that's why it can be overwhelming / you can find yourself the sole supporter and it can feel like an overwhelming responsibility whilst you yourself start to sink in tandem with your friend.
It's a real struggle on both sides of the coin.
I lost faith in all the agencies that were supposed to help. I lost faith in people. And I lost my dearest friend to despair - which has left me despairing.
Ideally it takes a community, a team of people helping each other - something the western world is short on.
thx for understanding me too!

 

[stormysea00]

When I was 14 one of my closest friends told me she'd attempted suicide two weeks prior. I am n...

My heart goes out to you! I'm a PTSD supporter and new to this sight so I don't have as much wisdom as other people here, but wanted to tell you I'm so sorry you're going through this. It does appear that there are people who have PTSD as a result of a suicide or suicide attempt, and what you describe sounds similar to PTSD, so it's worth looking into. I hope you see a therapist for a diagnosis. Something is going on with you that needs to be addressed and that's the first step in finding some relief. Good luck and hugs.:hug:

 

[stormysea00]

My heart goes out to you! I'm a PTSD supporter and new to this sight so I don't have as much wisdo...

Sorry! I didn't see any of the replies to your original post when I wrote my message, or wouldn't have mentioned the things that have already been addressed here. ;)

 

[youarenotarobot]

My heart goes out to you! I'm a PTSD supporter and new to this sight so I don't have as much wisdo...

Thank you for your kind words :)