Lola Nocheprieta
Diamond Member
I guess the trick is to try to balance both: self care and self soothing, while also encouraging yourself to make deliberate choices (I know, yet another decision!) to face those things that are objectively safe but which you avoid. When you say you paid a big price, what do you mean (if you feel like sharing?)
While doing the in vivo exposures ("real life" exposure, on my own outside of t), I sometimes get terribly triggered and have had visual flashbacks and body memories. I was feeling really bad about this. First, it f*cking sucks and can be quite terrifying (even though I was still objectively safe, eg, I did not self harm in a dissociative fugue), and second, I was beating myself up for not doing well, not progressing, getting "worse." My T helped me reframe that. We are poking the bear, she said, and it woke up and growled [I personally say growled instead of bit because, again, I was, in fact, still safe. No one was going to harm me and I was not going to harm myself.]
Anyway, my T really encouraged me to see those FBs and body memories as evidence that I was doing good, hard work, not as evidence that I was getting worse or a failure, or that the exposure was somehow unsafe. This really helped me.
Now, when I find myself dissociating, becoming overwhelmed with emotion, or having FBs, afterward I say to myself, "Welcome back." I just try to warmly welcome myself back into the present, back into my body, instead of beating myself up over it. Then I figure out what I need by was of self-care in the moment.
Even writing this down just now is a helpful reminder to myself! Today was a hard day and I was really struggling with my exposure HW. Again, I was feeling really defeated by FBs, intrusive memories, and overwhelming emotions and physical sensations. But participating in this thread helped me remember that I am doing really hard work, and I'm persisting. Even when I avoid the shit out of everything and pull the covers up over my head for days and put myself into a sleep coma, I eventually go back out and give it a try. And I have to see this as progress. Welcome back, Lola. Good job.
Hope this perspective is helpful, but still wondering what, exactly, you tried to "walk through," what price you paid, and whether there is some way to reframe it. Hey, you f*cking walked through *something* didn't you, @shimmerz? You're a f*cking badass! Good for you! AND you SURVIVED! Super badass.
While doing the in vivo exposures ("real life" exposure, on my own outside of t), I sometimes get terribly triggered and have had visual flashbacks and body memories. I was feeling really bad about this. First, it f*cking sucks and can be quite terrifying (even though I was still objectively safe, eg, I did not self harm in a dissociative fugue), and second, I was beating myself up for not doing well, not progressing, getting "worse." My T helped me reframe that. We are poking the bear, she said, and it woke up and growled [I personally say growled instead of bit because, again, I was, in fact, still safe. No one was going to harm me and I was not going to harm myself.]
Anyway, my T really encouraged me to see those FBs and body memories as evidence that I was doing good, hard work, not as evidence that I was getting worse or a failure, or that the exposure was somehow unsafe. This really helped me.
Now, when I find myself dissociating, becoming overwhelmed with emotion, or having FBs, afterward I say to myself, "Welcome back." I just try to warmly welcome myself back into the present, back into my body, instead of beating myself up over it. Then I figure out what I need by was of self-care in the moment.
Even writing this down just now is a helpful reminder to myself! Today was a hard day and I was really struggling with my exposure HW. Again, I was feeling really defeated by FBs, intrusive memories, and overwhelming emotions and physical sensations. But participating in this thread helped me remember that I am doing really hard work, and I'm persisting. Even when I avoid the shit out of everything and pull the covers up over my head for days and put myself into a sleep coma, I eventually go back out and give it a try. And I have to see this as progress. Welcome back, Lola. Good job.
Hope this perspective is helpful, but still wondering what, exactly, you tried to "walk through," what price you paid, and whether there is some way to reframe it. Hey, you f*cking walked through *something* didn't you, @shimmerz? You're a f*cking badass! Good for you! AND you SURVIVED! Super badass.
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