You know, this has been so incredibly draining, I can't even begin to tell you!
I am practicing stating to myself while I perform each and every little task in the day 'This is my decision'. I am getting the flashbacks less and less now so am able to sit more in the feeling and the freedom of my decisions. I am freaking exhausted over the whole thing, but I have to be honest. It is opening up my world like crazy. And it is a different type of exhaustion than this
Then I spent another 10 minutes thinking of all the brain energy I have wasted as I was wasting brain energy on thinking about it!
A better one.
What has changed in my life....
I am swimming every morning at the 'club'. I can't tell you how that feels to me. With that I am practicing mindfulness of my senses (because I LOVE swimming in pools - so many great memories). I feel the salt water of the pool, smell the chlorine of the hot tub, look at the water and my limbs (I am practicing remembering it is my body too!) as I swim and move. I am hearing the 'nothingness' as my head goes under the pool. I am tasting the saltwater.
Man, I love to swim, but this really is an exercise in 'your body, you own it'. There is a freedom to it but I have also learned that there is a responsibility to it. I tell you, things start falling into place when one's core needs are met, you know?
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know, this is a huge piece for me - for the positive. I feel like a different person altogether, and I am trying SO hard not to be pissed off at myself for sleeping during it all the time.
Your body is helping you cope in a way your mind can't right now.
it's just the brains way of telling you that it's overwhelmed.
It's your body being an intelligent mofo,
You guys are teaching me kindness for myself. Thank you all.
@ladee, so glad to see you back. Next time you are found randomly smiling and asked why ---- tell them
Shimmie sent you! :-)
