Decisions

[aut555]

Great @shimmerz that you signed up for swimming. Hope you feel comfortable enough to go for it. It should give your mind a break and peace.

 

[ladee]

Hey Shimmy, back online.. and this thread is perfect... I drive myself insane with this.... I will have to pay close attention to the root cause... but sometimes I just tell myself, pick one and consequences be damned..... great thread..... and so happy to be back.

 

[Nessa7]

My T has me working on STOPP to get better at making decisions. I have different decision making issues than you, but it has been helping some with making me more aware of my own thought process and being more mindful.

 

[shimmerz]

STOPP skill

Thank you Nessa7. I am not certain that I know how I would apply that to myself but perhaps as I get farther into interrupting my thoughts I will be able to come back to this.

Thrilled to see you again @ladee! Welcome back.

 

[mamachick]

Great progress Shimmerz

 

[shimmerz]

Thank you. Today I was totally down. Not sure if it has to do with this stuff, but man, what a disaster. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Thank you all. Again.

 

[EmmaOwl]

. Somehow I have come to 'no decision is better than a bad decision.'

I mean, honestly, I have a hard time doing food shopping because I can't decide what to buy! I will sit in front of the soup section for literally a half an hour because I am afraid of picking the wrong soup! I get it now!

So my question is, does anyone else here feel like maybe they can't make decisions because of a fear that they will make a wrong decision that is stuck in the brain as a life or death thing?

One is to procrastinate until time over takes me and the decision gets made without me making it.

Yep, I struggle with this. Many times I am over taken by it. I can't decide what to eat so I don't eat at all. I can't decide what to buy so I don't buy anything.

Yes yes. I get stuck. I think - "If I don't make the right decision, I'm going to die." and that's flat-out it, sometimes. I'm paralyzed.

For me, I think sometimes it is a little bit of OCD symptoms added into depression/PTSD.
I'm sorry others suffer through this :( I do this in physical senses - such as the "right soup" thing (excellent way to express that, btw!)

And purely mental, as well - for example, I do that on this board, or in communication with the few people in my life - I write and write and edit, and then I decide "Nope. Can't send or post." and I delete everything. I do this kind of thing very often. I think my brain is stuck in some kind of fear mode and I'm always looking out for danger - "What might ease my fear?"

Also I go over and over a couple of bad decisions that I feel like utterly derailed my life. So that is when I get to a point where I think it is safest to make no decision. And that is when I turn into a lump.

 

[EmmaOwl]

l head right in now to take responsibility, make a choice and except the consequences no matter what.

Perfect response, aut! I want to learn that.

 

[Gs172003]

My T has me working on STOPP to get better at making...

Hey there's an app!

 

[Gs172003]

For the things I absolutely can't decide on, like where to go on the weekend to hike, i put it on my husband and he can't really either so then I get upset. Bad I know but I don't know how to stop it. And I don't know why it's so danged important BUT IT IS

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Aw, @shimmerz, I'm so impressed with your sleuthing skills! Truly, sometimes I don't know why I do half the things I do. I don't know if I struggle in the same way exactly, or rather, I do struggle with very somatic panic attacks for certain decisions (big and small), although maybe for different reasons. It was very helpful for me to read through this thread, good post!

Like @Abstract said, my first thought was, "exposure." I am winding up doing Prolonged Exposure therapy, and that shit is no joke. It's not for the faint-hearted, but it works for helping you approach the things you avoid, starting with some of the less distressing things. It might be worth looking into if you have a trauma-informed T. It has helped me to face and tame some demons, and certain things that were really hard and that I avoided are not so bad anymore (eg, having a dental cleaning, things in my mouth, etc.)

Reminders to all of us that we can change those stuck brain patterns that say, "Soup! I'm in danger! Freeze! Run away!" It's not easy, and the only way out is *through,* but let it be a comforting thought that change and recovery and greater self-efficacy *is* possible. We are not doomed by our past!

Warm hugs, shimmerz, if you accept, to replace the bone chilling cold! :hug:

 

[shimmerz]

Warm hugs, shimmerz, if you accept, to replace the bone chilling cold!

Ah..... Lola, that is such a beautiful thing to say. Thank you so much. I will carry that with me.

the only way out is *through,*

Yes, the brain needs to learn that there is an alternative. Just that one extra step, you know?

I can't buy clothes..... I get hung up all over the place with it, but especially the change room thing. SO has told me to pick out clothes, buy them, whether I try them on or not.... just so that I actually get farther than running out of the store without anything. That just entrenches the pattern.

make a choice and except the consequences no matter what.

This is where I get messed up though. My stress cup seems always right at full. So yesterday I paid a big price for having tried to walk through this pattern. No idea if I will be okay today but will try.

So then, where is the line between being negligent in ones self care needs and pushing through?