Reasons For Being Afraid

[Freedomfighter]

I feared being pitied.

Agreed, pity is not help. And the people that have shown pity towards me and acted as if they felt sorry that I was abused only used such calculated acts to get in position to abuse me further. I curse their names.

 

[katz]

I've often wondered if - when telling my story to them, I would add too many details or add anything extra, to make it more...."yucky". Because it is such a strong subject/memory to me.

 

[Snowflake]

I've often wondered if - when telling my story to them, I would add too many details or add anything extra...

Yep I think the same. Sometimes I feel like my story is not important or bad enough.

 

[BOAG]

At this point, I don't think my T would be grossed out by anything I say. But there are still things I can't speak of. Because they are too terrible. I did a great job for a long time at not thinking about the worst of it. I knew it was there, but I was not allowed to think about it. Ever. But now I can't stop thinking about it, and it's f*cking awful. Flashbacks and dissociation galore. The rational side of me thinks I should tell T about it, so that I can get help and somehow move beyond this. Most of me thinks that's not possible, but part of me still does. But they are words I know I'll never be able to say aloud. Not to T, not to anyone. They are too awful and I am so terribly ashamed and embarrassed. I know T will tell me that it is not my fault, that they are things that happened to me, but he does not understand. I don't know if I can make him understand. And I'm afraid how much he'd hate me/be repulsed by me if he really did understand.

Ugh. I'm just in a really sucky place right now.

 

[Snowflake]

At this point, I don't think my T would be grossed out by anything I say. But there are still things I can...

I feel like I am not allowed to talk about it. I still fear punishment -

I also have difficulty saying words and describing things. Embarrassed and I feel stupid and at fault

 

[MisterCatLady]

I'm really glad this thread exists. I think I made it up/mislead my t all the time. I've never told anyone that because I'm afraid of that being true. Reading these comments I got a little overwhelmed.

 

[katz]

I feel like I am not allowed to talk about it. I still fear punishment -

I also have difficulty say...

Absolutely! I can relate to that! I never breathe a word to anyone. When the family exploded at me when I told, I vowed not to say anything to any of them-ever.
(although, I have considered mentioning it again after both of the folks are gone) I'm still thinking...