I Found This Looking For Something Else

[Gs172003]

For porn addiction to cross the line into causing PTSD it would have to cross the line into sexual abuse...

No porn addiction doesn't cause it. Maybe I misread but he said that there is no such thing as porn addiction and there absolutely is.

 

[Ronin]

there is no such thing as porn addiction and there absolutely is

I think it'd be for the best to have 'addiction' straightened out, first. As in what definitions is who going by.

Because behavioral addictions are bit different thing to tackle than say, substance ones. So maybe that's what was meant, using a different concept of 'addiction', and whether or not can one be 'addicted' to porn in the same way one's addicted to say, alcohol, or if it's another bag of issues.

 

[Friday]

@Zoogal Aaaaaah! No worries. Totally crossed wires, there.

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal Aaaaaah! No worries. Totally crossed wires, there.

Hey no problem

 

[Gs172003]

I think it'd be for the best to have 'addiction' straightened out, first. As in what definitions is who go...

Regardless of the semantics they both effing suck

 

[Ronin]

@Zoogal, yeah. I'm sorry I just went on a 'if this is a miscommunication / those people are saying something else than we think they're saying, what is it they may be saying'.

Sorry about that.

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal, yeah. I'm sorry I just went on a 'if this is a miscommunication / those people...

Oh it's fine

 

[Killashandra]

Which site?

Affair care is the site and also surviving infidelity. these are his goto sites and has been employed some of the 180 recommendations.

180 is turning the tables on the betrayer, it's a long list so I won't type it out.

Look I understand that there are particular criteria to diagnose ptsd and Cptsd, however betrayed spouses can sometimes exhibit ptsd symptoms, like triggers and anxiety over certain situations that aren't pleasant memories, not saying they have PTSD, personally I think it more of extreme anxiety and depression of past hurts, as we know the brain can only cope with so much,

But saying that... we look at the dymanics of a betrayal... one spouse lies or doesn't share the whole truth, to gain whatever it is they need form an affair... the betrayed find out.. it's human nature to be gutted and feel betrayed, however it is their choice whether to stay or go.. either way they must take ownership of thier choice, the diffènce between ptsd and betrayal is ptsd cannot escape from the emotional turmoil that is entrenched in our psyche, the betrayed can leave if he or she chooses and remove themselves from the trigger.. the betrayer..

I know my husband doesnt have ptsd, even if he has (I would say thrown it in my face, but I need to be respectful it was discussed through arguement) discussed it with me. but he does have triggers, actions or words I use may trigger a bad memory, the triggers can make him anxious or angry etc, he vents these triggers to me now as he believes that he shouldn't hold back as it will inhibit his recovery and ability to trust me again. each of these outbursts leaves a mark on me and opens wounds that take days sometimes weeks to heal metaphorically.
He suffers with self doubt and self hate, worthlessness and feels unlovable, anger and sadness.

That being said, and I apologise if this offends I don't want to cause arguments, but I believe the betrayed, kind of over exaggerate, sure its a shock to discover your love is having a emotional, intimate, physical, non physical, or addiction affair.. may I just classify that just becasue you've had an affair doesn't make you a sex addict.
I fully understand that they feel a multitude of emotions, but in all the books I have read and articles I have read, many of the betrayed do exactly what the betrayer done in the first place. they BLAME, most never look at what they have withheld or over done to the betrayer..
But that is martial discord.. and each marriage has a little, but in each case study I read none of these people TALKED about it BEFORE it happened,really talked becasue each one doesn't want to be the first to acknowledge the problems. sometimes we don't know...
no one feels remorse for the cheater.. even for a remorseful cheater. we're just stuck in that box of you casued it. and once a cheater alway a cheater.. there would be no cheating if we were able to be open with each other from the start, about feelings and connectedness. and each partner were able to reflect on thier behaviours objectively. that's my opinion though, becasue I'm tired. tired of being the bad guy for one thing and all the good things are diminished to nothing.. I have issues I know that, lol we all know that. but at least I'm trying to work on each one.. each time something pops up, I dig deeper to find the root. work on the root, harvest the root if need be. I've gotten so lost in the maze of roots and tunnels that I just don't know if I'm making it better or worse.. I do this becasue I love him, I acknowledge the hurt but what gets me with the betrayed is they act like it's only thier world that has ended.

The ones who have successfully improved thier marriage after an affair have all openly discussed and dug deeper to find the reason for thier feelings. . when it all comes down to it, it's usually a feeling of being unloved. take for instant if you nag and nag your partner, first feeling is annoyance, then anger and then it usually stops there with the spouse,they explode or withdraw.. but dig deeper and feelings of your partner not loving you will be there and it will stem from childhood memories. if you can say to your spouse I'm sorry but when you do this it makes me feel like unloved becasue of, etc, it opens that connectedness which is what we strive for in a partner is it not? and a side note here... non ptsd can infact express these emotions with thier partners... ptsd sufferers have difficulties.. a big difference there for this threads purpose.
If partners are committed to opening and staying open to thier partners and making time for thier relationship then recovery for non ptsd is high.

That's my opinion in any case.
Since I have been doing serious work and recovery on this subject and my own issues don't hesitate to pm me @Zoogal
I know a couple of good books on the subject.

Killa

 

[Ronin]

however betrayed spouses can sometimes exhibit PTSD symptoms, like triggers and Anxiety over certain situations that aren't pleasant memories

The problem with this thinking: unless it's as a whole PTSD? These symptoms, alone, aren't PTSD symptoms.

They're just symptoms. Even if from trauma, they'd be trauma symptoms. They wouldn't be PTSD symptoms.

Anxiety & Activation like triggered state, if not an actually part of the wider constelation of anything, are not that disorder's symptoms. They're just mental health symptoms.

Being upset about someone cheating on you isn't being triggered.
Being nervous about your relationship isn't being anxious.

All of those people insisting that's anxiety and being triggered should talk to people whose dearests were set ablaze in front of them.
Who saw people chopped to pieces.

Excuse me. I think I'm back to what 'triggered' is.

 

[Gs172003]

The problem with this thinking: unless it's as a whole PTSD? These symptoms, alone, aren't PTSD symptoms....

I won't lie. Finding out about my husband's addiction has damaged me. Alot. But it's not anything that won't go away once I move on or with some long term proof on his part that he will never. Ever. Do me like that again.

I don't think that I can say that with the other.

 

[Gs172003]

For porn addiction to cross the line into causing PTSD it would have to cross the line into sexual abuse...

And that's what I was saying about the other parts of the disorder. You have to fit the rest. It's not enough to say " I get blank when this happens ". There has to be several other criteria too. The internet docs seem to miss that. I have the post traumatic disorder stress source book on the Kindle so I can highlight on it. The criteria list on there has so many things highlighted I don't know how it was missed for so long.

 

[Abstract]

I won't lie. Finding out about my husband's addiction has damaged me. Alot. But it's not anything that w...

What you need to remember is that you will react differently too because of past trauma that is relevant to it. If someone doesn't have that history it won't be the same thing. That is of course assuming his addiction hasn't resulted in him exposing you to new trauma. It took me a long time to start accepting that part of reaction to more normal life events was grounded again in the past clinically traumatic ones. The ones I pretend I never had.

There are lots of types of psychological damage and all of them are legitimate but unless the person is having re living symptoms to a clinical trauma experience in some way then the symptoms are absolutely irrelevant to PTSD. Roasted vegetables are not like a beef stew even though they may both have tomatoes onions garlic carrots and herbs etc in them. They don't have water or beef in them and so the experience is totally different. It is not a stew! They weren't even cooked the same the way.

Personally I think if there are true re living symptoms and a history of clinical trauma then it should always be treated in similar ways even if sub threshold. Just from personal experience as I wonder if I would have developed full blown PTSD if that had been done. But the rest of the symptoms fit into the mash of ones that fit about everything. It doesn't mean they aren't important and very painful. Just different.