Relationship Is He Hung Up On His Ex? Or Is It My Insecurity?

[Gs172003]

Feeling insecure sometimes comes from...not being secure, sometimes it's from baggage. If the person you are with isn't letting you know you are secure in the relationship how the heck else are you SUPPOSED to feel?

 

[Silver.]

Maybe it is a bit of both. But it seems moot to worry about them at this point.
I have a horrible time packing, moving, unpacking due to losing a lot of possessions in a move. But would I ask my s/o to unpack pics of an ex? No, that would be rude and thoughtless.
Neither of us have pics of previous relationships, but we were highschool sweethearts who came back together after years, and it just seems like there is no room for anyone else. That's unique to us though.
But I think if it bothers you after all this time, pick a stance and stick to it and get some boundary practice in.

 

[Gs172003]

Maybe it is a bit of both. But it seems moot to worry about them at this point.
I have a horrible time...

I have pics of some exes from high school, my kids dad etc but none in a sexual context ( i dont have any anyway) That to me is VERY disrespectful to a spouse/ partner.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yeah... I don't blame you @Sighs. It sucks to hear somebody else was wonderful while you're the target of all the PTSD lashing out behaviors and lack of affection.

I've heard about "idealized" exes at times too. So and so was so hot, made more money, did xyz... I've also told him he can feel free to go back to them and don't let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.

Seriously... it's irritating.

 

[nursenurse]

Security schmecurity. For God''s sake, when two people are in a loving relationship and one does something that bothers the other, then the first one stops the offensive behaviour if possible and within reason. Even the most insensitive of clods should realize that having glamour photos of an ex might be deemed bothersome by the current flame. He should have at least had the decency to put them in a box where you did not have to see them. This on top of the nonsense you have been subjected to recently, no wonder you feel the way you do. I don't think it is insecurity, because you have never struck me as being insecure. I think you are tired, and this may be the frosting on many of the flakes he has thrown at you. Maybe you need to take some time for yourself and do the old clod inventory, good points versus bad points, what cloddishness you can live with, and what cloddishness you can do without. And for what it is worth, I am not insecure. But if there was another clod in my life, his ex's pics would not be welcome. And with Sweetpea, if she was so great, there's the door, because she is no longer open for comments or discussion.

 

[The Albatross]

Jesus... really? Still floored by the responses at times.

I don't know from partnerships apparently... cuz I didn't sign up for a person to kow tow to my own insecurities.

 

[Gs172003]

Jesus... really? Still floored by the responses at times.

I don't know from partnerships apparen...

There is a difference in insecurity and somebody else just being disrespectful. What you deem ok and what somebody else does doesn't have to be the same and if it's not OK for HER, yet he keeps doing it anyway, it's flat out disrespect. If you don't care, then it's fine for YOU.

 

[The Albatross]

What ever the OP says is okay by me.

 

[Fadeaway]

cuz I didn't sign up for a person to kow tow to my own insecurities

I don't think anyone here is asking anyone to do that. Insecure is about being worried about things that the other person hasn't created a reason to be concerned. In this case he clearly has. His behavior is hurtful, period.

 

[The Albatross]

It is insensitive surely. Dogpile? Okay.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't think anyone here is asking anyone to do that. Insecure is about being worried about things th...

Agreed