Would It Be Less Upsetting To Be Upset?

[Sandstone]

But that is how triggers work, isn't it? I'm not being abused when I see floral wallpaper, or fences by public transport, but both can easily trigger me because they were around when I was being abused.

 

[Seasounds]

So am I actually triggering myself by not showing / experiencing emotion? Might it be less distressing to be upset in therapy?

Well put.

My answer, letting out how I feel with a person trained to give me a safe place to vent, has always relieved me of suffering, especially if we spend the last 10 minutes focusing on safety, in the present, and especially if I spend time, afterwards, with safe friends, or go to an Alanon meeting.

I can add something that may seem too hippie-like. So I didn't 'blow my fuse' releasing anger, I did two things that really helped: learned how to accountably and nonviolently communicate anger (using "I feel" vs "you make me feel" statements,

And upon the advice of an intuitive, I made sure I created a grounding circuit with the earth's energy by imagining the earth's energy flowing into the soles of my feet for about 60 seconds a day for a month-until I noticed a level of depression/stored anger and sadness, dissipate. (Think how a battery needs a flow in and out, to keep it working.).

 

[Friday]

Exceptionally calm IS how I get upset.

That's when I'm dangerous. That's when I am utterly out of control. That's when shit just got serious.

Very, very few people twig to that.

The ones that have, are the ones who have helped me the most. And, yes, one of the things that each one has helped me do is break the calm.

And, no... For me ...dropping into cold&hard, emotion-free-zone, exceptionally calm isn't a trigger. It's a reaction to a trigger, or to an actual emergency. It's the eye of the storm. There is always, always, always severe backlash from dropping into it, after the fact. That's when I fall apart, break down, lash out, am hammered by the storm. Once the emergency is over. I can direct it, sometimes. If I'm lucky, or smart, or both. The rest of the time it just shreds me. Far, far, far better -for me- to actually be "upset" in the moment, ( if only if ) it's not an actual emergency. Exponentially less backlash. Amongst other things. The trade off inside of an emergency is worth it, to me. Responding like something is an emergency when it's not? :banghead: No bueno.

 

[Seasounds]

Am I triggering myself in a session if I am calm in a session

after second thought, and understanding your question, I don't think you are triggering yourself; you are noticing you have the same feeling/reaction you as you had in an earlier situation.

 

[barefoot]

Could the calmness be part of a freeze response? Or even a form of dissociation.? If you froze (or dissociated) during your traumas, it could be that the freeze response is being triggered by whatever you're experiencing in therapy/assessments?

Are you consciously, actively, really feeling calm? Or are you going in to shutdown?

I often shake later if I've been shutdown...some kind of anxiety release...?

 

[shimmerz]

Could the calmness be part of a freeze response?

Yeah, for me the 'creepy calm' when expressing myself and my issues with my T led to a huge release of pent up trauma after the fact.

I mean, when the original trauma occurred I was forced to be 'normal' right? So I think it just means that, in someone's company, you aren't quite at the point where you can release yet. I know with my T I used to 'pretend' to cry. I used to grab a kleenex and wipe my eyes (even though they were dry). Shortly afterwards, my eyes started to tear, my body got cold, etc. Sometimes, I think, letting the body go through the motion of an authentic reaction to the trauma, helps the brain and emotions catch up. It's just whether you are ready for that yet.

 

[The Albatross]

Sure it could (Could the calmness be part of a freeze response?) however situationally there is no purpose for it because in a therapeutic environment it is unintended/not necessary/hardwired - and thus an exposure. It is an opportunity in a way... an opportunity to re-work the triggering response and over come it in a safe environment and ultimately to perhaps, over write the old hardwiring with a newer, more beneficial experience.

Learning how to pause long enough from the trigger and how to reassess in the present is all part of learning how to cope/deal...and yeah ultimately how to re-experience it in less physiological way. (?)

 

[Abstract]

I can see why feeling the similarity of feelings and circumstances could be a trigger for you. Do you feel that is what happened here? I'm sorry you are feeling so distressed after the assessment. I cant imagine how hard it must be to do.

I'm not entirely sure if not being calm in that situation would have you feeling differently. ? Something to think about. From personal experience I am calm as that was always one of my main ways of coping. That and no reaction/switching off. Not doing that changing my patterns causes all sorts to come spilling out in a painful way. Helpful I am sure longer term but linked to all sorts in the past and very dis regulating. I have no idea what would be the case for you.

I will add that I have felt trapped into my calmness. Like being locked in and screaming inside but there is just silence externally. I have felt and still feel that way a lot. Its like a behaviour that has many benefits but feels like a curse and I think has been a huge block in me getting the right help.

Regardless of if your calmness and lack of obvious distress is a trigger to the past for you or not it sounds like there is a lot of you that wants this to change. Do you think thats the case?

The virulent self hatred although it is there a lot regardless always comes up for me when I attempt to say what is happening for me and diagnoses related topics are a big one. That trapped in feeling is one too. Its an awful feeling and I hope it has subsided.

 

[Tabbycat925]

I'm so glad someone asked this. I asked my therapist this in my first session. "Would I feel better if I cried or showed I was upset in therapy"
Here was her response.
"Therapy only works if you remain truthful. If you want to cry don't deny yourself the privilege. You can cry. If you don't want to cry don't force it. Take your time in discussing things. There will always be more sessions so if you don't feel you are ready to share something say it so I know and we can work together to build a plan to get you to that point. This is about you and your trauma and there are no rules here." My therapist is pretty cool. I actually love going which is weird. It's the one place where I can say things I never get to say. You have to take the pressure off your shoulders. Like I was scared of how she would perceive me if I cried. I thought she would think I was lying because I cry when I'm angry, scared, sad and when I'm happy. So its very hard for people to understand exactly how I'm feeling. Take that weight off your shoulders. your therapist is there for you. this is the one time the world doesn't get to tell you how to feel about something. React the way you see fit. My first session I cried the whole time. That may be different for you. Something you should also note. Some days after your session you're going to feel triggered. Find something to ground yourself before you leave. Be sure to mention how you feel on the way out. Like on those days I say "I feel unsafe" She usually helps ground me before I leave. I hope it helps and you find some comfort in therapy