Advice

[MMS99!]

Hello. Im new here and have only posted once. I hope Im posting this in the right area. My husband is a veteran that was recently diagnosed with ptsd. From what I have read about understanding and living with someone with ptsd and based on advice from a few people, I need therapy for myself as well. And I was sexually abused when I was a little girl and I now understand and accept that I need therapy for that as well. I was wondering if anyone can advise me on the type of therapist to look into? This sounds like a dumb question but are there therapists that treat just the spouses of people with ptsd or do I look into a therapist that specializes in ptsd and trauma? Any direction would be greatly appreciated.

 

[desiderata310]

Look for someone who has experience in trauma. It can be an LCSW not necessarily a Dr. unless you're looking for medication

 

[Muted]

A well trained EMDR therapist.

 

[Sweet_E]

Hello. Im new here and have only posted once. I hope Im posting this in the right area. My husband is a...

There is not a one size fits all answer. While it may seem logical to see someone who specializes in trauma, I've actually had mixed experiences. Some of the therapists I saw who specialize in trauma were actually less effective for me than those who did not. It also depended on where I was in my journey. Sometimes the path to healing is like peeling away layers of an onion. You might need to deal with more superficial issues before you deal directly with some of the intense trauma stuff. On the other hand, you might be motivated, have great grounding and coping skills and might feel ready to go deep into the trauma work. It's all up to you, how you want to approach things - use your intuition and do what feels right for you.

Regardless of the type of therapy you go for, use your gut to make sure you feel comfortable and can trust the therapist. This is crucial.

If you have never done therapy before, you may want to start with someone who can help you develop coping skills and grounding techniques. You could learn a lot of grounding techniques through yoga and meditation classes. These classes work really nicely to compliment therapy. You'll also want to learn how to love and accept yourself and practice good self-care. These are all important because healing from trauma is hard work.

As for the specific types of therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy might be a good start to learn coping skills. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the one I am most familiar with and did for many years. It helps you to better understand your thoughts and behaviors, which can help you unravel what you need to heal.

For your husband, who experienced trauma as an adult, EMDR may be very effective. For me, since I experienced repeated sexual trauma as a young child, EMDR was not very effective. I think EMDR is best for specific, straight forward events or events that happened as an adult. This is based on my own subjective experience and research. I am not a professional.

Steve Walker's book is really good. I have not read the whole thing yet, but just reading the first couple chapters was really helpful for me. Many others have reported being helped tremendously from this book.

At some point you might want to try exposure therapy. My CBT therapist tried this with me and it did not work because I did not have some of the foundational skills needed to do this first. The exposure just made me feel more anxious over time. I read an article on this site about exposure therapy and in the comments, someone mentioned how you have to learn good grounding skills before doing exposure therapy and that you need to go slow. My CBT who was helpful in many other ways, did not take this approach and that's why I initially gave up on it. But then I went to another therapist who taught me some good grounding techniques to use prior to exposing myself to triggers, and techniques for recentering myself once I was triggered. I was able to return to work that was a constant trigger for me after short term disability and was able to get to a point where a major trigger didn't bother me anymore! It was because I used a very strategic, systematic approach. But it took learning things from several therapists and resources to get to that point.

For sexual trauma, and PTSD in general, I have found yoga teacher training to be life-changing. The studio where I train, focusing on body awareness, mindfulness, breathing, and yoga philosophy. Yoga helps me to return to my body when I disassociate and to learn how to own my space, among many other helpful things.

I also have had great success with movement therapy, which gets coded as CBT where I go. It is like CBT, dance and yoga all in one. It really taps into the deep rooted body trauma for me and I have had an actual flashback during the session.

I hope I haven't given too much info or made this overwhelming. The bottom line is that any therapy you do can be helpful. These are just a list of things you can explore to see what feels right for you.

Much luck and wisdom to you!

 

[MMS99!]

No, you have not given too much info or made it overwhelming. The main thing Im trying to figure out is, since Im being told I should seek therapy to learn about and cope with my husbands ptsd so I can be supportive to him and I know I need therapy because of the sexual abuse in my childhood, can 1 therapist assist me for both situations? Or should I seek out a therapist for each situation? Sorry, I should of been clearer in my post.

 

[Sweet_E]

No, you have not given too much info or made it overwhelming. The main thing Im trying to figure out is,...

My personal opinion is that you need to look out for yourself first. If you can't take care of you, you won't be the best support for him. He is responsible for his own help.

With that said, it's up to you what you want your primary goal to be: Get support for dealing with his PTSD or get support for dealing with your own trauma. They both affect you profoundly.

Whichever path you take, you could go to the therapist on your own and ask for their opinion on how to proceed. He or she may want to see both of you going forward, just you, or have the two of you alternate seeing the therapist. I would just let the therapist know your intentions regarding the possibility of including your husband in on sessions up front. If you see the T on your own for a long time, it might not be advisable to have your husband join much later after you've established a rapport with the T, and he'd have to start from scratch.

Also, often people go in for therapy for one issue, but they end up working on a completely different issue. It could be that they are not ready to tackle the big issue first or they need to build trust with the T.

Therefore, I think it's more important to see a therapist sooner than later. The exact details of how the sessions will be conducted and what type of therapy to be used will work themselves out. Consider just getting started and go in with full awareness and open-mindedness.

Good luck!

 

[Sweet_E]

My personal opinion is that you need to look out for yourself first. If you can't take care of you, you...

To further clarify, I'd start with one therapist and get their advice, but 2 separate ones could be helpful too. Some therapists have different comfort levels with seeing other T's. I have one main CBT I go to, but I see other specialized people as well. My husband will be joining me for CBT and for my wellness coaching when we start to work on sexual intimacy issues. He does not currently see anyone because he does not like to talk to the person who cuts his hair, let alone seeing a T.