Sexual Assault I Was Abused And Molested Several Times.

[lostforgottensoul]

It was NOT my fault for being abused, but it was partially for LETTING people do that to me, several times.

Nope, not even partially your fault. You don't "let" someone abuse you.

It's common to feel this way and, as I said before, everything was my fault until last Jan so I totally get it. And, it seems, males blame themselves more as they feel they should be stopping it when you have no power to just like females.

It may take years for you to understand it isn't your fault but it isn't. Not even a tiny bit!

 

[GrayOwl]

I'm in Lostforgottensoul's camp.
You were trained and expected as a youth to submit. That was what "your" programming dictated that you do, until you learned otherwise.
It was not your fault.
And it was not your fault for letting it continue.
Once you learned enough about it, that it was wrong and you could formulate an escape and change, you did so. That is not "LETTING" it happen.
That is learning. And that is survival.
It is their fault. Not yours!

 

[anonymousperson]

And, it seems, males blame themselves more as they feel they should be stopping it when you have no power to just like females.

Look, it wasn't as bad as it sounds, believe me. And I did have the power to stop it. But I thought it was best not to tell anyone or I might get into trouble.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Look, it wasn't as bad as it sounds

Doesn't matter. Abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse. It is all equal.

Still not your fault. I know I will be arguing this point until the cows come home as you can't see it yet and that's ok. As long as you continue to read it. ;)

 

[anonymousperson]

Is it weird that I would actually have chosen those things if I could have? I'd be willing to pay a small price for mental toughness.

 

[anonymousperson]

Anyway, but even though it was inappropriate. It probably wasn't their intention, I guess my uncle and the boys were just teasing me, in a very bad way. Some people like to tease others.
I think most people wouldn't consider it ''molestation'', I mean, the boys actually barely touched me, it was rather quick and not as aggressive as you are probably thinking.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is it weird that I would actually have chosen those things if I could have?

Chosen what? The touching from your mom and the other stuff or chosen to not do it?

No, it isn't weird either way. Listen, I grew up in a cult headed by my step dad and mom. I was forced to kill animals but eventually I CHOSE to. I did it without force. It took me A LONG time to realize that it still wasn't my fault even though I eventualy chose to. I also chose to do a lot of things. I would actually willing chain myself up eventually.

You cannot rationalize what you did or didn't do with first, the information you have now as you didn't have it then and second, when presented with a certian situation, we choose things to survive it and deal with it. NONE of that makes it your fault. Zero, zip, nadda, none!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It probably wasn't their intention,

Minimizing it. It is all part of dealing. I do the same. I don't see any of my trauma as bad or wrong (though i do see it now as it's possible to be wrong and can see it as abuse but that took YEARS). So please understand that where you are are early stages of leaving the trauma. It will take a while to see it as it is. Bad, wrong, horrible, and abuse. No matter which way you turn it.

 

[Fadeaway]

You are strong because it is in your nature. Not because of the abuse. You are using all the right words to show us that you are in fact not healed from it.

The fact that you blame yourself for letting it continue is the result of psychological abuse, instead of being taught healthy self esteem. A lot of us used to feel the way you do. Therapy helped us realize that is the thinking of someone who has been abused and is not healthy.

Fight, flight and freeze. You had a freeze response. You didn't get a choice in that.

 

[anonymousperson]

So please understand that where you are are early stages of leaving the trauma. It will take a while to see it as it is.

I see your point, however I am 100% sure that I have fully recovered from all those things (the ''molestation'', the emotional and physical abuse). Buy they actually didn't traumatize me, yes I did feel sad, but not traumatized. Whatever it was, it is over. It might be because I remained stoical.

 

[digger]

have fully recovered

they actually didn't traumatize me,

@anonymousperson can I ask what brought you to join a trauma forum?

I'm just wondering what you were hoping to either give or get from sharing your story here?

A lot of people use minimising and denying to help them deal with abuse and are often not aware at the time that they are doing so, which is why you are receiving the type of responses that you are. That doesn't seem to be what you are looking for and I'm just wondering if it might help to clarify what you would like support with? If support is what you came here for that is?

 

[anonymousperson]

you are in fact not healed from it

If I am not healed, how can I be so happy? I've never gotten grades so good as the ones I'm geting now. Almost all my teachers congratulate. I'm currently on vacation, but last month, I read two history books (600 pages each) within 20 days. Books that are a little advanced for my age. If I am traumatized, how come do I feel so good? I do feel a little bad about those incidents sometimes, one dight I even cried a bit when I realized what my family was doing it is only natural, but I don't let those things get control of me and overall, I've never been better.

instead of being taught healthy self esteem.

Self-esteem? Sometimes I think I have too much of it. I'm a little arrogant, actually.