Warning: Not A Supporter Friendly Rant.

[Lahe]

Before I start my rant, I know there are good supporters on this site and that most mean well.

ETA I realize this is going to be all over the lace, those who follow deserve an award.

But why are some, my supporter included so dense sometimes. What is so hard to understand about shut the f*ck up and leave me alone because I am trying to to stop a panic attack at the start before it builds and gets worse.

He wouldn't leave me alone. Complaining about how he works and I just sit at home all day. Never mind the fact that I am f*cking jealous that he can get out and be around people and not feel so isolated.

I didn't know what to do it's bad because he is ranting because he feels like he can't do the things he wants because I wanted to spend time with him. Yes, believe it or not you can want to be left alone after being triggered partially because we watched a show that dealt with infant death and because of rejection because he hasn't wanted to spend quality time with me. Quantity time is different than quality, and he doesn't get that. So yeah, when it turned into panic because I was feeling rejected and the show reminded me so much of the death of my 16 hour old infant I wanted to be left alone and not yelled at because of my behavior.

So yeah, I dissociated and then continued to ignore him so he called 911 because I wasn't responding to him. Not helpful, I thought we were past this. As the police officer pointed out, it had been a year since he last did that. I thought he learned.

I don't understand when supporters know that there is a diagnosis of PTSD but get upset when we are symptomatic. Yes, we can need attention one moment and need to be alone the next.

If I can help a supporter understand which in turn helps their sufferer I try, but damn it sometimes I can just feel the claustrophobia that some of their supporters must feel and sometimes it is both rejection and claustrophobia in the same post. Just like my husband made me feel tonight.

Not really looking for advice, just need to rant.

 

[Zehi]

Points taken.
And understood.
I hope it helped.
And you can reset.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...........
I just wish life was easier......

 

[Izuko]

I think some people think that supporters are always supportive, I don't think a week goes by that I don't want to ring my supporters neck at least once or twice (probably more). So glad that he is going back to work after a 4 day weekend, seriously need a break. Gentle Hugs

 

[Ehatap]

Sorry you are struggling so much with your supporter.

I don't have one, so I don't know what that's like.

 

[Urec]

Also don't have one so can't really comment. I tend to support my non ptsd spouse with his very minor issues whilst I deal with my ones on my own. Partially by choice.

 

[Gahede]

I think because the compassion has to go both ways. Just like supporters need to understand that a sufferer's range of motion is limited sometimes, that they get triggered and need space. Sufferers need to understand that it is immensly difficult, if not traumatizing at times, to be shut out by someone they are emotionally attached to and have no agency in their own relationship sometimes. It is often about how the sufferer retreats, not the fact that the do it, that throws a wrench in the process going smoothly.

Your supporter most likely called the police because they were worried about your safety. If you have never been in the situation of thinking someone may harm themselves and you're the only one who could have prevented it, then I think your grasp of what your supporter is going through is as limited as the other way around.

 

[Pata]

OP here. That is not even close to why. He was not worried about my safety. He saw it as a power struggle.
I was curled up in a ball with my hands over my ears because he wouldn't shut up and I couldn't focus on my calming techniques.

if not traumatizing at times, to be shut out by someone they are emotionally attached to

Do you understand what the word traumatizing means? It may be difficult for supporters, but it is far from traumatizing.

This was a rant. I specifically said I wasn't looking for advice. I have plenty of compassion for my supporter. However, he also clings to some very bad information and advice he has received.

If you have never been in the situation of thinking someone may harm themselves and you're the only one who could have prevented it, then I think your grasp of what your supporter is going through is as limited as the other way around.

I have survived the suicide of an immediate family member. I have gone days without sleep to keep a vigilant watch on someone who was suicidal.

For the record, as sufferers, our brain doesn't really give us a choice as to how we retreat.

 

[Aro]

Triggered again. I nicely warned him as soon as I could feel it coming on. His response was "that's just f*cking great" I end up begging him to stop saying bad things. So I am in flash backs being yelled at that I don't care about anyone else. And "why do you always do this." I don't think he will ever understand that it is not a choice. It's like he believes I want to be stuck feeling that same panicked desperation all the time. That feeling of certainty that you are about to be hurt very badly and possibly even killed. Yeah, I totally love that.

And for the supporter above. It is not your place to protect your suffer from hurting himself if it is just self harm and not an actual suicide attempts.

 

[Fodigi]

I'm the "supporter above." Your supporter's reaction is uncalled for and cruel. He doesn't seem to really understand what it is you're going through. That said, still advocating for compassion all around. Just like supporters need to bend their brains into a pretzel understanding what PTSD is doing to sufferers, sufferers need to make the mental leap and understand how crazy-making the ordeal is for supporters and take things they say with a grain of salt. "Trauma" can't be compared, just like pain itself can never be compared. When someone you love and are emotionally attached to suddenly morphs into a different person and "abandons" you by retreating, that's traumatic, simple fact.

That said, this two-way street of understanding also has limits. What your supporter said and did when you were triggered crossed the line. Just like sometimes what a sufferer does crosses the line.

 

[Afene]

If only to have these concerns....

 

[Ojav]

...and if you had a supporter say that to a sufferer, man, you'd jump down their throat.

 

[Cafeb]

Supporter here. Message heard. Needed it today, too.